Drifting Maple Leaves
by AGamer
Summary: In a world where Mapleshade's secret was never discovered, she has to deal with more private consequences to her actions including heartbreak, disloyalty, and mourning. Yet from outside, there lies hope for a new future - one where she no longer has to suffer. Cover image belongs to Xishka on DeviantArt. Currently being rewritten.
1. Chapter 1

**Erin Hunter owns the _Warriors_ series. Every character, setting, etc in this story belongs to them - the story in question is mine. Enjoy.**

Mapleshade growled at Rabbitfur, the elder who had repeatedly insulted her kits. "I will _not_ have my kits judged before they have even begun their warrior training!" she hissed. "Patchkit, come here; we're going for a walk in the forest."

Rabbitfur narrowed his yellow eyes. "The _forest_?" he mewed. "You know it's against the warrior code to take them out of the camp while they're under six moons, Mapleshade. Have you forgotten what you live by?"

Mapleshade growled a second time, "Of course not, Rabbitfur. I suppose if it means the entire world to you, I _won't_ take them out for some fresh air." Her long-haired pelt bristled.

Rabbitfur huffed, "Then leave me. I'll be watching you." It was obvious that he was suspicious.

Mapleshade took her kits away from the old gray tabby. She still felt the anger that came from the jeers crawling underneath her fur. Her litter of three immediately began play-fighting once they made it back over to the nursery area. She could see that he was right, however; all three of them were clumsy and seemingly bare of the skills that ThunderClan-born kits had. But who else other than Rabbitfur cared? Certainly not _her_ , she knew that. She somehow felt like she'd just avoided making a big mistake, which made her heave a sigh of relief.

Her kits _wouldn't_ be judged.

* * *

"Larchpaw, Patchpaw, Petalpaw!"

Mapleshade relished in the cheers for her now apprenticed kits. However, she still felt awful; only a few moons ago, Appledusk had broke off their relationship. "I'm with Reedshine now," he'd said. "I'm sorry, but I must choose my RiverClan mate over my forbidden one."

Reedshine had kitted their litter of three: Willowkit, Shykit, and Toadkit. They were only about two moons younger than their ThunderClan half-siblings. Mapleshade dug her claws into the grass just thinking about how Appledusk had dared be disloyal towards their relationship. _But to be loyal to me, he'd have to be disloyal to Darkstar and RiverClan_ , she reminded herself, calming down. _I love him too much to put him in danger of being exiled._ She would force herself to move on, even if it was difficult. Perhaps she would even find a _new_ mate. _Or maybe not._

Oakstar jumped down from Highrock, and the Clan split up. Larchpaw had been given to Frecklewish, Petalpaw to Nettlebreeze, and Patchpaw to Ravenwing. Yes, he wanted to be a medicine cat. This didn't really surprise Mapleshade. She could see it in the curious way he stared at the medicine den, and how he always wanted to help the black tom. She was fully supportive of his dream, and so she suggested it to Oakstar.

"Patchkit has been showing a large interest in becoming the next medicine cat," she mewed.

"Is that so?" Oakstar replied. "I'd be fine with it; it's Ravenwing that must make the decision."

So she went to Ravenwing and explained. "He's very helpful and attentive," he told her. "I don't think he'd be a nuisance here. Send him to me, and I'll have a talk with him about it."

The calico tomkit ended up spending from sunhigh until dusk in there. When he came out for his evening meal, he mewed excitedly, "I'm gonna be his apprentice!" Never before had Mapleshade's heart warmed up as quickly as then.

Now she watched the trio greet their mentors and talk over what they would begin with. Ravenwing ended up taking Patchpaw out to show him the best herb-picking places, while Larchpaw and Petalpaw toured the territory with Frecklewish and Nettlebreeze. Mapleshade herself was put on a sunhigh hunting patrol with Deerdapple, Seedpelt, and a tom named Yarrowclaw - Deerdapple was leading. She looked all around her as they walked through the oak forest, deciding on where to hunt. _Finally out in the trees again_ , she thought; even though she loved raising and spending time with her kits, she could never live without warrior duties.

"I say we hunt in the trees near Sunningrocks," Yarrowclaw spoke up.

Deerdapple nodded approvingly. "Good thinking. I agree."

So they went to hunt, and they returned to camp with a good stash of prey. After placing her catch on the fresh-kill pile, Mapleshade looked around camp for her kits. Instead, she came across Dawnfeather - Beetail's mate and Nettlebreeze's mother - lying stretched out in front of the nursery. Her belly was swollen with unborn kits that were overdue. She was sharing a plump squirrel with Beetail.

"Good to see you," she greeted Mapleshade when she padded over.

"Hello, Mapleshade," Beetail mewed. "Ravenwing and Patchpaw have returned, but the others are still out."

Mapleshade nodded appreciatively at the deputy. "Thanks for telling me," she told him. "How are you, Dawnfeather?"

"Uncomfortable," the ginger tabby queen admitted. "If it weren't for Beetail and Nettlebreeze fussing over me, I'd probably be without hope. Next thing you know, I'm gonna be carrying fully grown cats 'cause they just don't wanna come out!"

"Nettlebreeze's litter had the opposite problem," Beetail meowed. "They came a half moon early. Poor Darkkit and Twigkit died before they got to open their eyes; they were just too weak."

Dawnfeather nodded sadly, adding, "That's why I never gave up on Nettlekit, even if it took a while before he had the strength to go outside the nursery."

Mapleshade could remember every event they were describing; she'd been an apprentice at the time. "I hadn't given up hope, either," she told them. "There wasn't anything I could do to help, but I can recall constantly worrying about him."

"It's much appreciated to hear now, Mapleshade," Dawnfeather purred. "Thank you." She stretched her head up, her beautiful eyes focused on the camp entrance. "They're back."

Mapleshade turned around, seeing the two mentors and their apprentices pad inside. "Go tend to Rabbitfur and Dawnfeather," Frecklewish ordered. "Only then can you get some prey."

"My paws hurt!" Petalpaw complained. "Can't I just rest in the sun for a while?"

"Of course not, you mouse-brain," Larchpaw told her, flicking his tail with a smirk. "Do you _want_ a punishment on our first day?"

"He's right," Nettlebreeze agreed. "Petalpaw, you can go tend to Rabbitfur. Larchpaw, you go help Dawnfeather."

"But she's already eating," Petalpaw pointed out.

"He can clear her nest," Frecklewish told her. "Get started, you two."

The two apprentices headed off towards their different destinations, but Mapleshade knew from experience that both would end up in the medicine den for moss and mouse bile. Frecklewish and Nettlebreeze padded over to Mapleshade, who'd padded away from Beetail and Dawnfeather to give them space.

"Larchpaw's a good cat," Frecklewish told Mapleshade. "He's a good listener, but he still has the curiosity and adventrousness that makes a great warrior."

"Petalpaw's impulsive and snobby most times, but she has her good moments," Nettlebreeze added. "And even her stubbornness could be useful. Reminds me of a certain she-cat."

Mapleshade hit him in the face with her tail. "Shut up," she teasingly meowed.

Nettlebreeze locked eye contact with her, seemingly unaware for a few moments. Then he shook himself and looked away. "I'm gonna go get some prey," he mewed before quickly excusing himself to the fresh-kill pile.

Mapleshade looked to Frecklewish. "Do you have any idea what that was?" she asked.

Frecklewish purred, "He obviously likes you, mouse-brain!" Then she remembered who she was talking to, and she gave her friend a sad glance. "Sorry, I mean... I know that you were Birchface's mate."

Mapleshade's blood froze; it'd been a good few moons since that'd been mentioned. She'd completely forgotten. "It must be harder for _you_ ," she meowed, thinking fast. "To be honest, I think I'm mostly over him. But don't think I didn't love him or anything; I just don't think he'd want me to grieve forever."

Frecklewish nodded. "I understand," she assured the calico. "I can relate to that, actually. I miss him, but our father's got another mate now. You know how our mother died when we were apprentices, right?"

Mapleshade murmured something that resembled a yes. It was true - their mother, Suntail, had died from greencough the leaf-bare they'd become apprentices. She'd hardly even been kitted, but she'd heard stories.

"Well, I can't help but think that I'll have half-siblings eventually; that helps my grieving fade," Frecklewish continued. "I don't think Oakstar's ready yet, though. It'll probably be awhile before he can bring himself to have more kits. He might feel like he's betraying Birchface."

Mapleshade couldn't think of an appropriate response, so she simply mewed, "I hope everything works out for you, but I should be going."

Frecklewish meowed, "Yes, thank you. Goodbye."

Mapleshade padded over to the fresh-kill pile, seeing that Nettlebreeze was the only one there. It seemed as if he were thoroughly examining each individual piece of prey, but she could tell that he wanted to be near without having to speak. _I should tell him that I appreciate how he feels, but also that I'm not into him in that way_ , she thought. However, she simply began looking over the options for a meal herself. Time seemed to get slower by every heartbeat that passed. Nettlebreeze eventually looked up, locking his cloudy teal eyes with her amber ones.

"Can I talk to you?" he meowed.

Mapleshade already knew what the talk would be about, but she nodded anyway. "Let's go outside of camp for some privacy," she told him.

She led the younger tom out, and they walked while he assumedly thought over what to say. "I... I've felt a strange way about you since the last moon or two of my training," he confessed. "But I knew that you were involved with Birchface, and I thought it'd be a rude thing to tell you while you might've been grieving still. However, I can't take the pounding feeling in my chest any longer. I love you, Mapleshade!"

Mapleshade stopped, staring at him blankly; even though she knew what he'd say, she hadn't expected to feel so strongly towards him so suddenly. Something enticed her into making her purr softly. "I love you too," she told him without realizing. "I love you, Nettlebreeze!"

They curled themselves around each other, both cats purring up a storm. Mapleshade, despite feeling so amazing and warm and fuzzy inside, was slightly confused; she'd never realized any attraction to Nettlebreeze in the past. Where had her sudden yearning and craving for him come from? _It doesn't matter_ , she told herself. _I love him. He's all I need. I've obviously always felt this way._

They continued their walk for a little while longer before returning to camp. Mapleshade felt light on her paws, and like she could do anything. She'd felt the exact same way with Appledusk, but she no longer felt it when she thought of him - only Nettlebreeze. Nettlebreeze occupied her thoughts, much like Appledusk once had. When he began going to the fresh-kill pile, she followed. He grabbed a piece of prey, and they ate it together. They shared tongues afterward.

"I'm surprised," Frecklewish mewed, padding over.

"I am too," Nettlebreeze admitted. "But I'm so unbelievably happy as well. I couldn't wish for anything else."

"Neither could I," Mapleshade purred.

Over the span of the next few days, Mapleshade had made her new nest right next to Nettlebreeze's. She seemed attached to him, and became increasingly uncomfortable if they were separated. He didn't seem to mind too much, telling her that they'd see each other again later. It felt like a betrayal to her. The entire Clan had noticed their new bond, and many cats had congratulated Mapleshade on successfully moving on.

"I'm proud of you," Bloomheart, her former mentor, mewed one day when they were on a patrol together. "It's healthy to see you not linger on the past."

Her three kits even reacted well to Nettlebreeze, and even began treating him like the father they'd never had - especially Petalpaw. She'd become a hard worker in an attempt to please her mentor.

A moon passed, and the beginning of leaf-bare rolled around. Snow hadn't fallen yet, but the air had turned colder than before. Mapleshade had just found out wonderful news: she was a moon into pregnancy. Ravenwing had her moved into the nursery once he found out. But as the days slowly went by, more and more cats began noticing how unhealthily attached to Nettlebreeze she was. She would refuse to move from her spot whenever he was apart from her. He'd even grown concerned, but he hadn't mentioned anything to her.

Until one day, that is.

He approached her after she'd finished a sparrow. "We need to talk," he meowed, and he sat down in front of her after she'd mewed her agreement to conversating. "Have you truly moved on?"

 **Don't worry, the sudden relationship will make sense later on. I know how to write realistic pairings, so don't think I'm some weird preteen who thinks love comes out of nowhere.**

 **thanks for reading friends**


	2. Chapter 2

**Erin Hunter owns the** ** _Warriors_** **series. Every character, setting, etc in this story belongs to them - the story in question is mine. Enjoy.**

Mapleshade perked her calico ears. "What is it?" she asked worriedly.

"You're, uh..." Nettlebreeze broke off, seemingly thinking over how to word what he wanted to say. "A bit attached, you know?" he finished.

"What do you mean?" the queen mewed. "I'm not attached."

Doubt filled Nettlebreeze's gaze. "Er, you... kind of are."

"No, you're just being a bit mouse-brained is all," Mapleshade told him, brushing off his concerns. "Let's do something. I'm thinking a nice walk through the forest sounds good."

"Mapleshade, I really think we should-"

"No, it's fine," Mapleshade interrupted. "Let's go walk."

Nettlebreeze was obviously still worried, likely more than before, so he insisted, "Mapleshade, we _must_ talk! You're too obsessive. I love you, I really do, but you're-"

Mapleshade growled, "Am I not good enough for you?"

"No, you _are_!" Nettlebreeze assured her. "But you're clingy. I need my space, you know. And you worry too much when I'm just _out on patrol_."

"What if RiverClan or WindClan attacked your patrol, and you died in the battle?" she retorted. "I have a right to worry, Nettlebreeze!"

"I know, but you take it too far," the ginger tabby meowed. "I won't be like Birch-" He broke off. "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have compared myself to him."

Mapleshade was hardly thinking of Birchface. "You don't know that!"

"Yes, I do!"

"I can't lose you, Appledusk!"

Silence.

"... _That's_ why your kits were so clumsy and badger-footed," Nettlebreeze meowed quietly. "Appledusk is their father, isn't he?" He began to back away.

"Don't... don't tell anyone!" Mapleshade begged desperately. "I'm carrying _your_ kits, remember?! _Yours_!"

"How do _I_ know that?" Nettlebreeze hissed. "You could still be with that mangepelt tom and just be leading me on! Is your clinginess a way of disguising your forbidden relationship? Am _I_ just a mask to hide it?"

Mapleshade jumped to her paws and nuzzled him furiously. "No, I promise!" she insisted. "I swear on StarClan, I truly love you. I haven't been with him for _moons_!"

Nettlebreeze pulled away. "Leave me alone!" he growled. "From now on, I'm no longer your mate." He padded over to the fresh-kill pile and grabbed a mouse.

Mapleshade stayed frozen to the snow-covered ground as she stared after him. But strangely, she felt more free than before. That's when she realized the truth: she never loved Nettlebreeze. Her heart, however, _did_ crave for someone to love as a mate - and it had chosen him once she'd heard of his feelings. She was unable to be apart from him without feeling betrayed for this reason. Now, though, she was glad it was over. _It was a short relationship, but it would've lead nowhere good_ , she told herself. _I'll just have to make sure these kits know that._

Mapleshade's heart warmed at the thought of the growing kits inside of her. _Oh, my loves, you'll be the only thing I need_ , she told them. _Who cares if I don't have a mate? I'll do just fine._

* * *

Mapleshade breathed heavily. "StarClan give me strength!" she gasped.

Ravenflight was sitting beside her, his pitch black paws on her stomach. "Patchpaw, be ready for the first one," he meowed.

"Got it!" Patchpaw assured his mentor, then looked to his mother. "You'll be okay, Mapleshade."

She immediately felt better when she heard her son's soft, reassuring mew. This feeling didn't last long, however, as a spasm passed through her. The pain got worse than before, but quickly subsided. She felt so out of energy.

"Nip the sac to get it breathing," Ravenflight ordered. "Then lick its fur the wrong way."

Patchpaw started on the task as soon as he heard the directions. Mapleshade quickly heard loud, pitiful cries from a kit. "I want to see it!" she meowed.

"Later," the medicine cat mewed as another spasm came.

She bit harder on the stick she was given, so hard it was close to splintering. Luckily, though, the pain ended and she loosened her grip on it. Patchpaw was passed the second kit. It was barely a heartbeat before it began mewling loudly like its older littermate. Both kits were pressed to her stomach after the medicine cats were finished with them. _It's finally over_ , she thought as they began nursing.

"Congratulations, Mapleshade," Ravenflight mewed. "You have two healthy toms."

Mapleshade looked down at them. Their fur was wet, but the grooming had cleaned anything off their pelts that was there previously. She could tell that the oldest but leanest was dark ginger with almost black tabby stripes. The younger one was pitch black. She purred, laying her head down on the soft moss of her nest.

"They're perfect," she mewed softly.

* * *

"Russetkit, Nightkit, come back here!" Mapleshade ordered.

The two toms were three moons old, and had found their way into the warriors' den. _Again._ The fact that they were lively and curious was a good thing, but sometimes Mapleshade thought they took it too far.

"I hope _we_ were never like that," Deerkit commented.

Deerkit and Doekit were the second litter of Dawnfeather and Beetail, as well as Nettlebreeze's younger sisters. They were now five moons old, and weren't quiet about their excitement to be apprentices. The ginger tabby warrior spent more time with them than with his own offspring.

"You definitely were," Dawnfeather told her daughter. "Don't you remember when you put thorns in Petalpaw's nest? StarClan knows how you even found them."

"She was annoying!" Doekit mewed.

"Yeah, she kept telling us to mind our own business," Deerkit inputted. "All we did was ask her what she was talking about!"

Just then, Nettlebreeze arrived in camp with Petalpaw. They each carried a vole. "Nettlebreeze is here!" Doekit meowed as she and her sister ran over.

Russetkit and Nightkit pulled themselves out of the warriors' den, looking sadly after the tom. _I should've never told them who their father is_ , Mapleshade thought. _Now they know how he purposely avoids them._ She felt anger rising in her. _Even if he no longer cares for me, the least he could do is be a proper parent!_ She allowed a low growl to rumble in her throat. Her sons immediately ran over, unusually silent. At least she knew why. She licked their foreheads and ears.

"Are you okay?" she asked them.

"Fine," Russetkit replied quietly, and Nightkit nodded in agreement. "Who cares if he don't love us?" His voice raised. "We'll be great warriors without him!"

"Yeah!" Nightkit meowed.

Nettlebreeze looked over, shooting a glare at Mapleshade. He was still the kind, generous, and humble tom to everyone else, but he was cold and uninviting to her. _I never did love him, but I was honest when I told him that I wasn't with Appledusk_ , she thought. In fact, the RiverClan cat's kits were a few moons into their apprenticeships. She didn't so much as think about them or either of their parents in a positive light. Her love for Appledusk had even faded, and she no longer mourned for their lost relationship. She was instead glad that it had ended; it was for the best. Did she _ever_ think it would last?

"Beetail, can I go out on a patrol?" she called to the deputy, trying to get her mind away from the past.

The dark tabby tom looked over. "You're still in the nursery," he pointed out. "Are you sure?"

"I need to stretch my legs," Mapleshade insisted. "Besides, I'm not nursing anymore; my kits'll manage under Dawnfeather's watch."

Beetail hesitated, then nodded. "How about you go with Mistpelt, Frecklewish, and Larchpaw to hunt at dusk?" he offered.

"Sounds good," Mapleshade agreed.

"You're leaving us?" Nightkit asked.

"Not for long," the calico reassured her son. "Only for a dusk patrol. I'll bring back your favorite."

Nightkit's pale blue eyes brightened. "Sparrow?!" he meowed.

Mapleshade nodded. "I know how much you love it."

"What about _me_?" Russetkit asked. "You'll get me a mouse, right?"

"Of course," Mapleshade replied.

"Ah, kits," Dawnfeather mewed. "Always so pesky about their favorites."

"Favorites are everything to a kit," her denmate purred.

"Are not!" Russetkit protested, his green eyes glimmering.

"Are so," Dawnfeather retorted.

"Are _not_!" Nightkit joined in.

"Then how about I get you a fish instead of a sparrow?" Mapleshade meowed.

"Ew, gross!" Nightkit yelped.

"See?" The queen smirked confidently.

"Or a toad," Russetkit chuckled.

"So you have a new favorite then," the dappled she-cat murmured.

"No _way_!" the dark ginger tom-kit protested. Then he looked thoughtful. "But a snake would be cool."

"Hunting at Snakerocks isn't very wise," Dawnfeather warned him. "Plus, snakes would be too tough and without any edible meat."

"They probably taste bad too," Nightkit agreed.

The rest of the time Mapleshade was there, was basically spent listening to Russetkit and Nightkit talk about nothing in particular while they chased each other around. The two littermates were so close, closer than any she'd seen before. _Probably because there's only one other cat that loves them, and that's me_ , she thought. When dusk came, they were distraught.

"You knew I'd be leaving," she told them as she padded over to Mistpelt, who was leading the patrol.

"But you should stay!" Russetkit protested.

This wasn't any normal kit fit, she knew - they were literally terrified of being without her. They chased after her, trying to grab her tail as if that would stop her.

"Poor kits," Frecklewish meowed.

"They're whiny," Petalpaw complained, only to get whacked over the head by her mentor. "Well, they _are_!"

"Be nice, Petalpaw; they're your half-brothers," Frecklewish ordered. "Let's go. They'll be fine with Dawnfeather."

Mistpelt nodded in agreement. "They'll have to learn not to be so clingy," she added. "This could be the perfect way to start."

Mapleshade was more sympathetic than they were. "Go on, you two," she mewed. "I'll be right back, okay?"

Russetkit and Nightkit exchanged equally distaught glances, but they padded over to the ginger queen anyway. Their tails and heads were lowered. Mapleshade looked back at them as she followed her patrol out. The entire time she was checking along the RiverClan border, her mind was on them. How could she leave them so heartbroken? _No, they'll be fine_ , she reassured herself, refreshing a marker. And that's when she realized.

 _Perhaps their clinginess is my fault._


	3. Chapter 3

**Erin Hunter owns the** ** _Warriors_** **series. Every character, setting, etc in this story belongs to them - the story in question is mine. Enjoy.**

"Everyone old enough to catch their own prey, gather underneath the Highrock for a Clan meeting!"

Mapleshade perked her ears at Oakstar's call. Another moon had passed, and her sons had only become more and more rebellious. They began breaking rules, talking back to warriors, and just making mischief. Even sweet Nightkit had turned mean. She couldn't help but miss their clinginess and carefree attitudes. But at least there was good news: her oldest two were becoming warriors. They'd passed their assessments earlier that day, and it was now dusk. She sat in the back with her kits, who wouldn't sit still.

"Settle down!" she ordered sternly.

Russetkit and Nightkit obeyed, but not without shooting a glare at her.

Nettlebreeze, Frecklewish, and their two apprentices were standing in front of the Highrock. All four cats were well groomed.

"I, Oakstar, leader of ThunderClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on these apprentices," Oakstar announced. "They've trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend them to you as warriors in their turn. Petalpaw, Larchpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan - even at the cost of your lives?"

"I do," Petalpaw meowed.

"I do!" Larchpaw agreed.

"Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior names," Oakstar continued. "Petalpaw, from this moment on you will be known as Petalwhisker. StarClan honors your strength and your determination, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan." He jumped down from the Highrock and touched his muzzle to her lowered head. After she licked his shoulder, he went on, "Larchpaw, from this moment on you will be known as Larchfang. StarClan honors your cleverness and your kindness, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan." He did the same with the young tom, then jumped to the top of the Highrock once more.

Mapleshade cheered for her now fully grown kits, louder than anyone else did. They padded back into the crowd, knowing there was another ceremony to do. Everyone quieted and turned to look at where Dawnfeather sat with her own children. She nudged the half-grown cats forward, her eyes shining with pride. Seeing this, the young she-cats padded to the Highrock with syncronized steps.

"Deerkit **,** you have reached the age of six moons and it is time for you to be apprenticed," Oakstar meowed. "From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Deerpaw. Your mentor will be Mistpelt. I hope Mistpelt will pass down all she knows on to you." The warrior walked up to her new apprentice. "Mistpelt, you are ready to take on an apprentice. You have received excellent training from Yarrowclaw, and you have shown yourself to be hardworking and patient. You will be the mentor of Deerpaw, and I expect you to pass on all you know to her."

He repeated this with Doekit, in which he named her Doepaw and assigned her to his new mate Sweetbriar. After the new apprentices touched noses with their mentors, everyone cheered their names - Beetail and Dawnfeather cheered loudest. Afterward, Oakstar dismissed the meeting and everyone broke up. Mapleshade led her kits back to the nursery.

"But I'm not tired!" Russetkit complained, and Nightkit mewed agreement.

"Mapleshade, can we talk?" Nettlebreeze asked, running over.

Mapleshade eyed him suspiciously. "...Sure," she replied. "Russetkit, Nightkit, go talk to Doepaw and Deerpaw until I'm done." The two tom-kits obeyed, and she turned back to her former mate. "Yes?" she mewed.

"Look, I-I'm sorry for everything," he meowed. "I promise, I am! I regret not being there for you _or_ our kits. And now look what I've done: they're almost apprentices, and I haven't spoken more than a few words to them."

"You only _now_ realize?" Mapleshade hissed. "Do you not understand how hurt they were? They saw how Doepaw and Deerpaw had two parents, but _they_ weren't fortunate enough to."

"I want to make it up to not only you, but them," Nettlebreeze promised. "I just don't know how to do that. I don't know how to be a father!"

Mapleshade lashed her tail. "Just try!" she told him. "It really isn't that hard, Nettlebreeze."

"Maybe not for she-cats," he retorted. "Just help me out, okay? What do I say to them first?"

"Apologize to them for being a mouse-brained foxheart," Mapleshade responded.

"Mapleshade..."

"I'm serious," she insisted. "Then, spend as much time with them as possible. Show genuine love and care for them. When they become apprentices, remain involved with their training."

"What if I'm too late?" he fretted. "What if I've already missed my chance to be a father?"

"There's still hope," she pointed out. "Now go talk to them, you mouse-brain!"

Nettlebreeze swiftly turned and ran towards his sons. He shooed Doepaw and Deerpaw to their new den, then began talking to the kits. They looked angry and confused. Nightkit looked as if he hissed something at Nettlebreeze, but the ginger warrior stood his ground and insisted. Mapleshade continued watching from where she sat as the two tom-kits reluctantly nodded, before running over to her.

"Nettlebreeze says we have to spend tomorrow with him," Russetkit tattled.

"Yeah, and we don't want to!" Nightkit added. "But he says that you approved."

"Yes, I do," Mapleshade confirmed. "Now get something to share from the fresh-kill pile, 'cause it's time for sleep right after."

They groaned, but padded over to the pile anyway. She watched Nettlebreeze stop to talk to Frecklewish, who was eating a rabbit. She seemed to offer to share, because he settled down and began eating it as well. Mapleshade was glad to see the love in his cloudy eyes; he'd moved onto a she-cat who was right for him. And Frecklewish seemed to have mutual feelings. _There'll be more kits in the nursery soon_ , she thought happily.

* * *

A moon passed, and Mapleshade was a warrior again. Nightpaw and Russetpaw had grown more kind and obedient ever since Nettlebreeze began regularly spending time with them. Their mentors, Yarrowclaw and Beetail respectively, seemed happy with their work and constantly praised them to her. And she was completely right about Frecklewish and Nettlebreeze, as the brown she-cat had just announced her pregnancy. Since she wasn't very far in, she didn't have to become a nursery queen just yet.

"I'm sorry if you feel envious of me," Frecklewish told Mapleshade one day.

"Why would I?" Mapleshade asked.

"Because I'm carrying your former mate's kits," the speckled she-cat replied.

"No, it's fine," Mapleshade reassured her friend. "We weren't right for each other anyway."

"I can understand that," Frecklewish mewed. "But I know _for sure_ that Nettlebreeze and I will work out. We have so much in common, and we love each other more than anything else."

Mapleshade wrapped up the conversation and continued on with her day, but secretly she _was_ envious. Even though she had her five kits, why shouldn't _she_ have a mate that she truly loved? Both Appledusk and Nettlebreeze weren't right for her, so who was?

Mapleshade decided to go on a walk one evening. The sun was mostly set and the sky was dark, but it wasn't quite night. She slowly padded along the thick undergrowth and oak trees that made ThunderClan's forest. She heard prey scuffling all around, but why should she hunt? She wasn't after a meal. For once in her life, she knew true loneliness. Everyone she knew was getting mates, except for her.

Mapleshade stopped in her tracks near the RiverClan border, an unfamiliar scent drifting into her nostrils. "Who's there?" she called, beginning to follow the fresh trail.

A black-and-white tom came into view, his yellow eyes wide. "Sorry for trespassing," he meowed. "Are you a Clan cat?"

"Yes," she replied simply. "Who're you?"

"My name's Myler," the cat responded. "I'm sorry, but I just... my paws brought me here. I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine," the calico assured him. "Just go on back to your own place, and I won't tell anyone you were here."

"Okay, thank you," Myler meowed graciously. "Before I go, what's your name?"

"It's Mapleshade," she told him. Then she got a feeling in her chest, as if this moment were important. "Can we meet... sometime?" she mewed without thinking.

Myler seemed to share the same feeling, as he meowed, "Yes, we can. Tomorrow at moonhigh? Right here on these warm rocks?"

Mapleshade nodded. "Goodbye, Myler."

"Goodbye, Mapleshade." He turned and ran across the stepping stones.

Mapleshade stood and watched as his black-and-white figure was no longer visible. This feeling was like a mixture between Appledusk's and Nettlebreeze's, and that's how she knew that her life would be different because of this encounter.

* * *

Mapleshade had been meeting with Myler every other night for two moons now. She hadn't become mates with him yet, but she knew it was only a matter of time. _But when we do become mates, will I have to always be disloyal?_ she wondered. She decided to ask him about these thoughts during her meeting that night.

"Mapleshade!" Myler meowed, running up to meet her. They nuzzled for a brief moment before pulling apart. "I think it's time you saw my barn."

"Where is it?" Mapleshade asked.

"Just across this territory, right on the edge of Twolegplace," he replied.

"That's through RiverClan territory," she told him. "I can't trespass."

"Okay," he sighed. "Maybe another time?"

"Maybe," she agreed, but she wasn't really sure. "Myler, I wanted to ask you something."

"Yes, Mapleshade?" he mewed.

"We share mutual feelings, right?"

"Of course! We haven't known each other for long, but I can tell we're best for each other."

"Then when are we becoming official?" Mapleshade asked.

"Anytime you want," Myler responded.

"Myler, you know that our relationship can only be serious when you join ThunderClan," she reminded him. "You know it, I know it, StarClan themselves know it."

"Yeah, but..." He avoided eye contact and shuffled his paws. "I don't know what it's like."

"I've told you many times!" she meowed.

"Yeah, but what if I'm too lazy or unskilled to be a warrior?" he fretted.

"Just come with me and _try_ ," she urged. "Otherwise, I'll have to continue breaking the warrior code."

This made him nod. "Fine," he sighed. "I don't want you to be disloyal."

"Then come here tomorrow at sunhigh, and I'll take you to the Clan," she told him. After saying goodbye, she made her way back to camp. Her paws tingled with anticipation. _He's the one._


	4. Chapter 4

**Erin Hunter owns the** ** _Warriors_** **series. Every character, setting, etc in this story belongs to them - the story in question is mine. Enjoy.**

 **By the way, this chapter is heavily set on character development. For a few different characters. Sorry if it sucks, because I had a sudden burst of inspiration and wrote this in a single night at 1-2 A.M. Which means it probably does, since I'm starting to get tired.**

 **There's literally, like, little to no plot progression in this chapter. You can skip this, if you want.**

"So you've been disloyal this whole time?" Oakstar growled.

"No, I haven't!" Mapleshade corrected. "Just for the past few moons."

Mapleshade had brought Myler to the Clan the next day, but wasn't surprised by the level of hostility towards the barn cat. She just hoped that she could change their minds somehow. She couldn't imagine having yet another love torn away from her.

"Who's that?" a high-pitched voice mewed.

It was Snakekit, the one moon old tom that belonged to Frecklewish and Nettlebreeze. He was the only one of his litter, and so was very lonely as there were no others in the nursery.

"Hush," Frecklewish told him quietly, using her tail to keep him back. Her pale yellow eyes shone with awkwardness as she met Mapleshade's gaze, and there seemed to be something apologetic in the depths.

Nettlebreeze, on the other paw, simply gazed at Myler with understanding. It was as if he could tell that Mapleshade would move on rather quickly, and he luckily didn't seem offended in the least. And this understanding wasn't cold or bitter, but rather accepting and inviting. She would have nothing to fear from him.

"Do you really expect me to accept this rogue when you've jumped from tom to tom?" Oakstar hissed, which pulled Mapleshade's eyes back to him. "First Birchface, then Nettlebreeze, and now _Myler_. How do I know you won't get tired of him too, and there'll be no reason for him being here after you split up? I'm all for my cats being happy, but _seriously_?"

Mapleshade shuffled her paws, wishing she knew how she could make her leader understand. "Oakstar, I can tell that this tom is perfect for me," she meowed. "I would never leave him."

"You've only been with him for what, a moon?" Oakstar retorted. "That's true love if I'd ever seen it." Many cats growled wordless agreement.

Mapleshade bristled at the older tom's sarcasm. "Please, I'm begging you!" she mewed, her voice shrill from desperation. "Just... just accept him! Please?!"

Oakstar raised a brow. "Your begging is pathetic, Mapleshade," he growled. "But I suppose I'll make him an apprentice, and see if he can work well. Myler, from this moment forward you shall be known as Swiftpaw. You can be mentored by..." He paused to think, his amber eyes distant looking for a brief moment. "Oh, why not Petalwhisker? She could use the experience."

Petalwhisker, grimacing as if she'd stepped in fox dung, padded up to Swiftpaw and quickly touched noses with him. Right afterward, she went back to sit by Larchfang. Her littermate glared at her; it was clear he didn't approve of her obvious distaste for her mother's new mate.

"If that's all, _Mapleshade_ , this Clan meeting is over," Oakstar announced.

The Clan immediately broke up, but everyone seemed to be talking about the same thing: Swiftpaw. It made Mapleshade uncomfortable. She turned to speak with him for comfort, but she saw that he was following Petalwhisker out of camp. _For a territory tour, I assume_ , she thought, sighing sadly. She looked for Nightpaw and Russetpaw, and saw them sitting by the apprentices' den. They were locked in a conversation, and Russetpaw's green gaze kept flashing back to look at his mother. _Even my youngest don't approve of Swiftpaw_ , she realized.

Suddenly, Nightpaw padded over. His blue gaze was filled to the brim with awkwardness. "Hey, um... we're happy for you and all, but we just want you to know that _Nettlebreeze_ is our father and not Swiftpaw," he told her. Instead of his tone being critical or rude, it was basically as nervous as his eyes.

"I don't expect you to treat him like a father, but at least be respectful," Mapleshade meowed. "That's all I ask."

Nightpaw nodded, a slight smile forming on his muzzle. "I will," he mewed. "And I'll make sure Russetpaw does too! We both want to see you happy." He turned and ran back to his brother.

Mapleshade's heart warmed; these cats were so different from the angry and bitter ones she knew a only a few moons ago. If they still had the same attitude and personality as before, they would've likely spat insults at her until she felt like weeping. _But that's because of Nettlebreeze_ , she reminded herself. _Oh, why have I chased after so many toms?!_ Then she told herself, _But it's only three._ And she retorted to herself with, _So far._ Why couldn't she make her mind up?

 _No. Swiftpaw makes me happy, and that's all I care about._ The only thing that confused her was, like with Nettlebreeze, where the relationship even came from. _StarClan willed it, probably_ , she thought, flicking an ear.

"Er, do you... need something?" Beetail asked.

Mapleshade shook herself out of her thoughts. "What?" she mewed distantly.

"You were staring at me," the brown tom told her, confused. "Is there something you need, Mapleshade?"

"No, Beetail, I'm fine," she replied. _Mouse-dung! Try paying attention to what you're looking at when you stare off into space, fuzz-brain._

"Oh, okay," he meowed. "If you do, though, you know I won't deny your request."

"Yes, I know," she agreed. "I have to get going."

"Good day to you."

"Yes, you too."

Mapleshade shook herself out for a second time and speed-walked away, her cheeks and ear tips turning hot with embarrassment. She cursed herself underneath her breath, but ran into a soft mass of ginger tabby fur due to looking at the ground. She pulled away quickly.

"Sorry!" she yelped, bristling.

Nettlebreeze seemed as if he were holding back laughter. "You lost, Mapleshade?" he purred jokingly.

"Very funny," she told him. "It was only an accident, Nettlebreeze."

"Mhm. You seem very confused. Do you need to take a nap? Perhaps a visit with Ravenwing and Patchberry could do you good. I can escort you there, if you wish." His gentle teal eyes gleamed with amusement, and his tail curled up.

Mapleshade was glad to see her old closeness with the warrior had rebloomed with much effort and conversation after he began getting involved in his sons' lives, but that didn't clear away her embarrassment. "No, I'm fine," she assured him with a serious tone, trying to gather herself after spacing out previously. "Now if you'll excuse me..."

She shoved him aside and began walking away, but he seemed disappointed. He ran up and blocked her path, which made her come to a halt. "We haven't really talked, have we?" he meowed, suddenly even more serious than she was.

"We've talked plenty," Mapleshade replied.

"About our sons, our duties, all that," Nettlebreeze agreed. "But about our relationship? Not at all. We're acting like everything's fine, but it's not."

Mapleshade shuffled her white paws, looking down at them. "I guess so," she mewed.

"I miss what we had before, but we've both moved on and gotten new mates," Nettlebreeze meowed. "And even though we're no longer romantically involved, why can't we be close friends again? I know why: because we haven't addressed the main issue."

"What's that?" She knew the answer, but she didn't want to admit it. It made her feel too guilty.

Nettlebreeze sighed. "Your clinginess. Where did it come from? Why did it disappear like mist in sunshine when we split up? We act like that part of you was never there, but it was."

Mapleshade knew exactly what he meant: she'd never shown any interest in him like he'd done for her, and she knew it'd make sense if she seemed bitter or even still clingy after they broke things off. But none of that happened. "I guess after... after, uh... _he_ and I were no longer mates, I just craved for someone to love," she meowed. Since he knew about Appledusk, she felt comfortable addressing the RiverClan warrior with him.

"I don't really understand," he admitted, looking lost.

"I don't, either, but it's the best explanation I can think of," she told him. This statement didn't seem to satisfy him at all, and so she added, "I guess I'm just that type of she-cat, you know. One who gets attached to toms easily."

He nodded slowly as if he understood, but it was clear that he still didn't.

"And what about what _you_ did?" she meowed. "You were rude and cruel to me and your sons for a majority of their lives so far. Everything may be fine and dandy now, but what about back then?"

"I felt so hurt and so utterly angry that I just... felt an uncontrollable amount of resentment," Nettlebreeze mewed. "I honestly don't know where that came from inside of me, and I hate that I was that way for such a long period of time. I felt like Nightpaw and Russetpaw weren't mine but Appledusk's, even though I fully believe what you said as of now - that you were no longer with him. And if that were the case, I told myself, why should I have anything to do with them? But one day, something snapped in me and I knew that I'd missed out on something special."

Mapleshade nodded. "I understand," she told him. "I forgive you, by the way. And I'm sure our kits do too."

"They've told me they do, yes," Nettlebreeze confirmed. "But I've felt guilty ever since. I don't think I'll ever be able to make it up to them, or to you."

"You will one day," she promised him. "You already have to me; you've taken an evil personality from my children, and that's all I could ask for."

"You're a wonderful mother, Mapleshade, and you'll be a great one to Swiftpaw's kits as well," he purred. "I'm glad I got to talk to you. It's made me feel a bit better about all this."

"Likewise," she mewed. "I'll talk to you again soon, Nettlebreeze. And from now on, let's remain close."

"I'll do my best," Nettlebreeze meowed.

Mapleshade continued on to her original destination: the fresh-kill pile. As she chewed on the flesh of a dusky-furred mouse, she eagerly awaited her mate's return. While doing so, however, she saw a brown tom block her vision. She looked up to see a round, serious face.

"Yes, Larchfang?" Mapleshade asked, quickly swallowing the bite in her mouth. She hoped it was nothing too serious; she'd had enough of that for today.

Larchfang sat down in front of her. "I need some... she-cat advice," he meowed with embarrassment.

 _About time_ , Mapleshade thought as her tail curled up with amusement. "Who's the molly in question?" she purred teasingly.

Larchfang's short fur bristled defensively, and his stubby tail certainly would've been nervously kneaded by his forepaws if it were long enough. "N-no one!" he stuttered. "Just help me out, okay?"

"Alright," Mapleshade smirked, tucking her paws underneath her. "What do you need help with?"

"What do she-cats like?" Larchfang asked. "I want to know how to tell the one I like how I feel, but I wanna do it in a cool way. Like, should I take her hunting and tell her right after we make a good kill? Or would just being blunt work? I don't know!"

Mapleshade chuckled, "If you told me who it was, Larchfang, I could help you more. The she-cat's personality depends on these things, you know."

Larchfang sighed hesitantly, "Fine. It's... Doepaw."

"Doepaw?" Mapleshade gasped. "Why, she's only an apprentice!"

"So?!" Larchfang hissed. "There's not such a large moon gap between us!"

Mapleshade thought for a moment. "Doepaw's more of an energetic and competitive spirit," she mewed. "Therefore, I'd say maybe hunting would work best." Then just as he was about to speak, she interrupted with, "But where did this attraction even come from anyway?"

"I don't know," he replied, flexing his claws in and out of their sheathes. "I just think she's pretty, and cool, and fun to be around. She's braver than _I_ am, so that's a bonus."

"But do you actually _love_ her?" she asked. "Could you imagine having kits and raising them with her? Hunting and fighting by her side for your whole life?"

"I don't know... probably!" he responded. "What's up with these questions, Mapleshade?"

 _I just don't want you to make the same mistake I did_ , she thought, but aloud she replied with, "It's nothing. Just being cautious, is all."

He narrowed his amber eyes, not buying it. "Well, thanks for the advice," he told her, getting to his paws. "I'll tell you how it worked out later. I hope she feels the same way! Goodbye." He ran off to speak to her.

Mapleshade felt happy that Larchfang was growing interested in settling down with a she-cat, and even more so when she remembered how often she saw Petalwhisker hanging around with Yarrowclaw. _Even if I end up alone, I would never wish the same fate upon my kits._


	5. Chapter 5

**Erin Hunter owns the** ** _Warriors_** **series. Every character, setting, etc in this story belongs to them - the story in question is mine. Enjoy.**

Yet another moon passed. It was so dull and uneventful that Mapleshade could hardly remember anything except for patrolling. Then another memory popped into her mind. She could remember clearly how Larchfang had sadly told her of his rejection. _He's been moping around ever since_ , she thought. _I should speak to him, but surely it's best for him to get over it on his own?_

Swiftpaw and Petalwhisker didn't exactly connect as mentor and apprentice should. While Swiftpaw continued being friendly and patient with her, Petalwhisker seemed to detest the former loner and treated him harshly. When Mapleshade tried confronting her daughter about this, she got nowhere.

While Mapleshade was thinking, she realized that Ravenwing had approached her. "Yes?" she meowed.

"We need to talk." His voice was cold, and so was his usually kind blue gaze.

Mapleshade wondered what there could be to talk about. _It must have to do with Patchberry_ , she told herself. "Alright," she agreed.

Ravenwing turned and flicked his tail in a silent order to follow. Mapleshade got to her paws and obeyed until they were out of camp. They sat down in a secluded area in ThunderClan's oak forest.

"StarClan sent me a sign last half-moon meeting," Ravenwing meowed. "It's taken me about a quarter moon to decipher what it means, however. Mapleshade, wasn't your first mate Birchface?"

Mapleshade's blood turned to ice. Trying to look calm, she replied, "Yes, he was."

"Ah! I see, I see." He nodded. "Then why did Birchface himself come to me and tell me that what we all have believed for moons is a lie?"

"I don't know," Mapleshade meowed, somehow managing to remain calm. "He must mean something else. Why would your first thoughts go to me? His kits are pure ThunderClan. Nothing is wrong with them."

His dark eyes narrowed. "I didn't mention any kits."

 _Fox dung!_ Mapleshade thought, silently cursing herself. "I-I just assumed, you know-"

"Who was their _true_ father?" Ravenwing hissed. "Tell me the truth, Mapleshade."

Her fur prickled uneasily. "Birchface," she insisted.

"That's a lie, and you know it!" the medicine cat spat. "Do you want me to report this to Oakstar? Because I _will_ , if you don't answer my question." When she remained silent, he added, "From the moment when I first saw those cats from their kitting, I could tell something was off about them. They didn't have the build of a true ThunderClan cat. And until halfway through their apprenticeship, they were as clumsy as three-legged badgers! Is it perhaps, oh... because they're _half-Clan_?" He glared at her accusingly.

Mapleshade looked away, but then realized that probably confirmed his suspicions by itself. Her amber gaze quickly flitted back to him due to this. "Of course not!" she argued, lifting her chin. "What cat from another Clan would even be _suitable_ to bear my kits? None of them, let me tell you that. Birchface was the only cat I loved as a mate back then."

Ravenwing clearly didn't believe her, because he said, " _Which cat?_ What about the RiverClan warrior who _killed_ your supposed mate?" Panic crept into her eyes, and he noticed. "That's right, Mapleshade. Appledusk is the father of your first litter, isn't he?"

"How do you know?" she mewed quietly, breathless from fear as to what punishment she might get if he reported her code breaking.

"I suspected it at first from how close you seemed to be at Gatherings," Ravenwing replied with a tone that suggested it were obvious. "And when I saw those kits, I recognized his features in them. But I didn't take any action, 'cause I couldn't convince myself that I had enough evidence to report it. After Birchface gave me that message last half-moon, I snuck onto RiverClan territory and even managed to ask him myself. I pressed hard enough, and he gave me the answer that I wanted. He confirmed my theory."

"But that was in the past!" Mapleshade pointed out. "We split up only a couple moons before our three became apprentices, and I moved on just as he did. He's happy with Reedshine now; their litter's even been made warriors! Are you so petty and dramatic that you'd resort to old mistakes in order to get me in trouble?"

"Then why did Birchface tell me?" Ravenwing retorted. "There must be a reason he informed me, you know. If it weren't a big deal, he would've stayed silent. Perhaps you and those three are _destined_ to be exiled."

Mapleshade's claws slid out of their sheathes and dug into the earth underpaw. "You wouldn't tell Oakstar," she threatened.

"I would," he growled.

Mapleshade launched herself at him. She striked at the medicine cat, and it turned into a full-on battle. As she was pinning him down and attacking with everything she had, she realized what she was doing. _If I wouldn't have gotten exiled just from him telling Oakstar, now I definitely will_ , she thought regretfully. She quickly jumped off the tom and backed away, her fresh wounds that she'd gotten from his own attacks stinging.

Ravenwing had pushed himself completely against the oak behind him while he defended himself. He obviously suffered more than she did, due to her superior battle skills. "You fox-heart...!" he spat.

"I'm sorry!" she yowled at him. "I lost control of my emotions."

"What a pathetic excuse!" he snarled, getting to his paws. She noticed that she'd wounded one of his hind legs enough to make him limp, and guilt struck her heart. "That's it, Mapleshade. You're obviously not fit to be in ThunderClan. No, you're better as a _rogue_." He quickly began making his way back to camp.

Mapleshade rushed to his side with the wounded hind leg to support him. "Let me help," she offered.

"Get away!" he growled, striking at her ear. Despite this, she insisted on her offer being accepted. The entire way back, he reluctantly let himself ever so slightly lean on her.

When they returned to camp, cats turned and stared. "Oakstar!" Ravenwing yowled.

Oakstar appeared from his den and jumped onto the Highrock. "Yes?" he asked, then noticed the two cats' wounds and blood-soaked pelts. "Great StarClan! What happened?"

" _Mapleshade_ happened," Ravenwing replied angrily. "She attacked me!"

Gasps and loud meows erupted in the crowd of gathered cats. "Silence!" Oakstar ordered. When everyone obeyed, he growled, "Mapleshade, why did you attack him?"

"I-I-" She cut herself off; she didn't have a good enough excuse. "I know I shouldn't have, and I'm truly sorry," she meowed instead. "I'll take any punishment you want to give me."

"That doesn't answer what I asked you," Oakstar pointed out, his amber eyes narrowed into angry slits.

" _I'll_ tell you why, Oakstar," Ravenwing interrupted. He looked over to Mapleshade smugly, as if telling her, _This is what you deserve._

"Yes? Please do." Oakstar seemed eager to hear the answer, and so did everyone else.

"Because I revealed her secret," Ravenwing responded, then went on to explain everything he'd previously told the she-cat.

Every cat's eyes were widened with disbelief and shock, especially those that belonged to cats closest to her. She made eye contact with Nettlebreeze, who seemed to be as nervous as she was. _Thank StarClan he already knows, otherwise he'd feel hurt_ , she thought.

"Is this true?" Oakstar snarled, looking down at the warrior with contempt and anger in his amber gaze.

Mapleshade couldn't think of an answer. Her heart's pounding had quickened, and she felt breathless. _This is the end. Oh, StarClan, I'm so sorry for breaking your code. Please have mercy on me now._ Luckily, her prayer was answered.

"No, it's _not_!" a tom's voice yowled.

She turned and looked over her shoulder to see Nettlebreeze marching up to stand at her side. _Of course he'd help me!_ she told herself. _Why did I think I was alone here?_ The answer was obvious. _Because it's my own fault, and I should have to deal with this by myself._ Now her feelings of relief were replaced with guilt.

"Do you _really_ think Mapleshade would break the code?" Nettlebreeze asked. "She may have with Swiftpaw, but at least she got him to join early in the relationship so she didn't any longer."

"Then who's Petalwhisker, Larchfang, and Patchberry's father?" Oakstar retorted. "Because I'm certain that it isn't my Birchface, not after what Ravenwing said."

"I am," Nettlebreeze replied calmly without hesitation. He didn't stutter once as he continued, "Mapleshade and I had become mates early on in my apprenticeship, and it was when I was halfway through when we found out she was expecting. I was ashamed of becoming a father at such a young age, so I asked her to not share with anyone who had sired them. She agreed. And when Frecklewish assumed that it was Birchface, _I_ was the one who convinced her to carry on with the act. But we eventually grew apart, and now we've moved on. We decided it wasn't important enough to share afterwards."

Mapleshade was shocked by this, but suddenly grateful for the strange and uncanny fact that her first litter _did_ look like Nettlebreeze. _StarClan must've foreseen this moons ago, and made him look the way he does for this._ Not only that, but he was likely the clumsiest cat in the Clan! If someone had told her he was half-Clan himself, she would've believed it rather easily.

Oakstar seemed to notice the similarities as well, because he meowed, "I'll believe it."

"What?!" Ravenwing yowled. "Oakstar, he's _lying_. Perhaps you should visit RiverClan and ask Appledusk himself if it's true."

"Good idea," Oakstar agreed. "Darkstar's quite hostile, so I'll take a patrol with me in case she orders her Clan to attack. Beetail, Nettlebreeze, Mapleshade obviously, Petalwhisker, Yarrowclaw, Mistpelt, Nightpaw, Russetpaw, and Swiftpaw, you shall be on said patrol."

"Quite large for a simple patrol, isn't it?" Frecklewish spoke up. "Surely it'd be better just to take Mapleshade and Ravenwing."

"Nonsense!" Oakstar told his daughter. "We'll all come home safely, if that's what you're worried about. Everyone I just listed, gather by the camp entrance! Patchberry, tend to Ravenwing's wounds. He looks like he's about to topple over."

Oakstar was right, Mapleshade noticed. Ravenwing swayed loosely on his paws, and his blue eyes were distant and unfocused as if he were focusing all his energy on simply standing. _Did I really injure him so badly?_ she thought regretfully. Patchberry nodded and rushed over to his mentor, then slowly assisted him until they were inside of the medicine den. She shook herself and ran over to Nettlebreeze's side, who was with the other patrol members by the entrance.

"Thank you," she mewed quietly to him.

"No problem," he whispered back. "Let's just hope this goes well."

They began heading out with Oakstar and Beetail at the head, and she followed. _Yes, let's hope so._

 **This is a shorter chapter than the couple previous ones, but that's because there's much to be done in the next one that shouldn't be packed in with this. So stay tuned!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Erin Hunter owns the** ** _Warriors_** **series. Every character, setting, etc in this story belongs to them - the story in question is mine. Enjoy.**

Mapleshade let her mind wander to different things as they walked, but each topic was negative. _What's wrong with me?_ she thought. _I should be happy that my secret hasn't been discovered._ And while she was, her fear for what would happen next overshadowed that happiness.

"We're here," Nettlebreeze whispered, nudging her. This snapped her out of her thoughts.

Oakstar led them through the camp entrance, his chin high. She heard the sounds of growls surrounding them as the RiverClanners took notice of the large ThunderClan patrol. _And can we blame them?_ she thought.

"ThunderClan, what do you want?" Darkstar growled from her place in the middle of the clearing.

She was a tall, plump she-cat with silky black fur and jade green eyes. Spiketail, a long-furred tom with a spiky gray pelt and amber eyes, stood at her side. He looked more calm and collected than his angry leader.

"Darkstar, forgive us," Oakstar meowed, halting. His cats followed through behind him. He quickly explained everything that had to do with the current situation. "And we were wondering if we could speak to Appledusk himself?" he finished.

"Why bring such a large patrol just to speak with a single warrior?" Spiketail asked, but seemingly out of curiosity rather than suspicion.

"They're probably here to attack," Darkstar answered her deputy. "Well, I _won't_ have it. RiverClan, fight these intruders!"

Mapleshade attacked the first RiverClanner she saw, who was a pale brown tabby with icy blue eyes and white patches. He looked so hauntingly familiar, but it didn't hit her until she was holding him to the ground and attacking.

"Toadfrost?" she gasped; this was Appledusk's RiverClan son! He looked so much like his father, practically identical, if you ignored the white patches and different eye color.

"Yeah? So what?!" He battered at her soft underbelly with his hind claws.

She yowled with a mixture of pain and anger, and she striked at his face and chest even harder than she had before. Within a few moments of this, however, she was bowled over from a cat launching into her side. Toadfrost ran off to assist a Clanmate, so she looked up to face her new enemy. Strangely, they were only holding her down rather than attacking; she wanted to know who this was and why they were doing so.

"Appledusk!" she mewed. "What are you doing?"

"I want to know what's going on," Appledusk replied.

"Why did you tell Ravenwing?!" she retorted.

"I just thought that since we weren't together anymore, it would be fine," he told her, seemingly regretting his decision. "Look. It was fish-brained, I admit that, and I should've denied it."

"But if you just deny it _now_ and say that you made a deal with Nettlebreeze and I back then or something, then this battle can end!" she meowed.

Appledusk looked uncertain. "I-I'm not sure, Mapleshade..." he murmured. "I don't think-"

A ginger blur ran into Appledusk and held him to the ground, pinning his forelegs especially. "Nettlebreeze, there's no need for that!" Mapleshade protested, jumping to her paws.

"Tell him to agree that he isn't their real father!" Nettlebreeze told her.

"Just agree to it, Appledusk!" Mapleshade hissed.

Appledusk remained silent. She was about to say something else when a loud yowl erupted from right by the leader's den. It was the black-and-white medicine cat, Echosnout. She was crouched over a bloody black shape, whose throat was torn out and lying by its head.

It was Darkstar.

The battle immediately halted, and the RiverClanners left their enemies to rush over to their leader's corpse.

"Was she on her last life?" a young apprentice mewled.

"No... no, she wasn't," Echosnout stuttered mournfully. "But her throat being torn out, it... that sort of wound is one not even StarClan could heal." Then she raised her head and yowled, "Who did this?!"

Oakstar looked up from his place beside Petalwhisker. "I did," he confessed. "But it was a complete accident, and I apologize."

"You...!" Echosnout began, then cut herself off and flung herself at the brown leader.

The battle began once more, but now Appledusk was out of her reach since he'd been one of the many cats to surround Darkstar's body. Therefore, Mapleshade attacked the first cat that came into her sight. Spiketail, the cat in question, was lean and more of a hunter than a fighter. _I shouldn't wonder if he's half-Clan himself; he looks nothing like your typical RiverClan cat_ , she thought. As they fought, she found herself getting carried away. No longer did she take caution as to not hit any vital areas too harshly. And before she knew it, she'd striked the deputy across the throat hard enough to make him fly a tail-length away.

She suddenly snapped out of her frenzy to realize what she'd done. _He's dead. RiverClan's deputy - no, leader - is dead. Who will rule them now?_ Nettlebreeze snapped her out of her thoughts. Panic made his cloudy eyes wide.

"Swiftpaw... he's been killed!" he burst out.

Her blood turned to ice, and she froze. "N-no... no, Nettlebreeze, you're... simply mistaken, is... is all..." she sputtered. Spiketail's death was forgotten immediately.

"No, I'm not," he insisted sadly. "Follow me, Mapleshade. I'll show you."

She obeyed, and yowled loudly when she saw the crumpled up form of her love. His black-and-white spotted pelt was turned mostly maroon from his blood, and his deep green eyes were glazed over. She launched at him and buried her muzzle in his fur, sobbing loudly. She clung onto his short coat with her claws, as if she were afraid his corpse would be snatched away from her.

"Why can't I have a single mate without something going wrong?!" she cried.

"ThunderClan, retreat!" Beetail yowled. "Collect our dead!"

Nettlebreeze gently nudged her off the apprentice's body, and he carried it on his back. Mapleshade clung to his side, still crying but much quieter than before. She didn't pay attention to where she was going, and would've tripped many times if her friend hadn't nudged her out of the way. Her mind was only on Swiftpaw. _If only I'd been there to protect you_ , she thought. _If only I wouldn't have distracted myself with Spiketail. Oh, Swiftpaw, if only I'd been a better mate. Then you'd still be alive._

As they made their way into camp, Mapleshade realized that there was a second body that joined Swiftpaw's. _Oakstar!_ Had he truly been on his last life? Then she assumed that Echosnout, the cat who had likely killed him, had made sure to get rid of any remaining lives the same way he'd done with Darkstar. His throat was torn out, missing.

"Oakstar!" Sweetbriar yowled, running up to his corpse. " _No!_ We didn't even get to have kits!"

Dawnfeather comforted her denmate by resting her tail on her shoulders. "Come with me," she mewed softly.

Sweetbriar, who had begun to sob heavily, didn't protest or resist as the ginger she-cat led her away. Frecklewish, however, was standing completely still as if she were frozen. Her yellow eyes were wide.

Beetail jumped to the top of the Highrock. "Everyone, I'm sorry to say that we've lost two cats: Swiftpaw, a hardworking apprentice, and Oakstar, our noble leader." He paused as sad murmurs passed through the Clan - not for Swiftpaw, but for Oakstar. "Therefore, we shall set up their vigils immediately. Anyone who wishes to sit for them may do so starting at dusk. I'll assign my new deputy right away, then go to Mothermouth for my nine lives and new name." He broke off, his eyes narrowed in concentration. "I say these words before StarClan and Oakstar's spirit so that they may hear and approve my choice.

"The new deputy of ThunderClan is Nettlebreeze!"

There was a brief moment of silence while everyone turned to look at the young tom, who was clearly surprised that he'd been chosen. However, enthusiastic cheers for him quickly rose among the crowd. Mapleshade joined them, but she looked at Swiftpaw's body while she did so. Luckily, Patchberry had already used wet moss to groom his fur and applied nice smelling herbs to make the scent of death disappear. _It's as if he's simply asleep_ , she noticed.

The Clan meeting split up within moments, and Nettlebreeze looked confused as to what he should do. "Just take care of everything while I'm gone," Beetail ordered. "Let's go, Patchberry."

"But who will send them on their way while I'm gone?" Patchberry fretted just as he finished with Oakstar. "And who will heal wounds? Ravenwing's too wounded to even stand."

" _I_ can," Rabbitfur spoke up, padding over slowly. "What's with the surprised look, eh? I was Ravenwing's mentor, you know; I know everything there is about being a medicine cat."

Patchberry seemed surprised, but then meowed, "Oh, alright." He turned to the new leader. "Let's go then."

The two toms, one old and one young, left the camp immediately. Rabbitfur gathered the herbs and cobwebs he'd need from the medicine den, then began treating battle wounds. Mapleshade padded over and stared down at Swiftpaw. She couldn't contain her tears, and she began sobbing over him once more. Everyone else only seemed to bother with Oakstar, so she had the tom alone. When she was finished crying, she thoroughly shared tongues with her fallen mate for the final time. Then she moved onto Oakstar.

"Thank you for accepting Swiftpaw into ThunderClan, even if he died in the end," she whispered in between licks.

By this time, the sky was a dark blue-gray that signified dusk. Rabbitfur was sitting at the head of the two corpses, and every member of ThunderClan was gathered around.

"Oakstar was a great and noble leader, one that will never be forgotten," his old voice rasped. "Swiftpaw, despite being a loner once, was a loyal and dedicated apprentice that would've made a good warrior. Oakstar, Swiftpaw... may you both find good hunting, swift running, and shelter when you sleep."


	7. Chapter 7

**Erin Hunter owns the** ** _Warriors_** **series. Every character, setting, etc in this story belongs to them - the story in question is mine. Enjoy.**

Every single day felt like it lasted a lifetime.

Mapleshade had made a routine for her life. It went like this: wake up at dawn, go on a patrol, eat, hunt alone, go on another patrol, eat, and sleep. She'd found that despite it being boring and repetitive, it made her feel in charge of her life. And that was exactly what she'd needed.

Mapleshade could no longer see the fun side of life. It took a great effort to even climb out of her nest. Every time she slept, she just felt more tired than before she'd even laid down. She didn't even find joy in hunting or patrolling anymore. She'd stopped talking to any of her friends, and even her kits. She knew that she surely seemed like a selfish fox-heart, but she couldn't gather the energy to keep steady relationships.

Mapleshade felt each and every day pass by slowly. By the time two moons passed and leaf-bare arrived, she thought that it was about time she retired. _But I'm young and able_ , she constantly reminded herself. _I have many seasons of warriorhood ahead._ However, that was the opposite of comforting.

Doepaw and Deerpaw became Doefeather and Deerwing. Ravenwing had survived the battle with Mapleshade, which she tried to make herself feel relieved about. But she honestly didn't really care. This only made her feel worse.

Greencough struck early that cold season. Larchfang was the first. He had started out with whitecough, but his refusal to do anything about it thanks to pride worsened it. Petalwhisker had caught it due to hanging around with him so much, and Dawnfeather caught it from sharing tongues with the spotted she-cat.

Ravenwing fell ill rather quickly. Patchberry was clearly very overworked. "I can hardly even stop to breathe!" he'd told Mapleshade once while rushing to make a poultice.

However, it only got worse. Beestar fell ill, then Sweetbriar, then Rabbitfur. Nettlebreeze was trying his best to act as leader while Beestar couldn't. "Mapleshade, you can be my deputy," he told her, forcing a chuckle.

And surprisingly, he was serious. Mapleshade helped him in organizing patrols and running the Clan, but her heart wasn't in it. She hadn't even had an apprentice; why should she have this role?

Nightpaw and Russetpaw were made warriors only days later. Mapleshade was shocked, since it was a couple moons too early. "Beestar told me it was fine," Nettlebreeze had assured her.

Nightpaw was Nightstorm, and Russetpaw was Russetpelt. They were excited to finally be out of the apprentices' den. "No more elder duties!" Nightstorm had meowed cheerfully, then he'd winced once he'd remembered that Rabbitfur was ill anyway.

Deerwing had volunteered to care for Frecklewish and Snakekit since there were no longer any apprentices. She got along well with her brother's mate and his son. Snakekit, only a few moons old, was pouty; he'd wanted to be an apprentice.

"I'm three moons; I'm old enough!" he'd told Nettlebreeze, who had shook his head.

Mapleshade approached Nettlebreeze a moon after all of this happened. "I want to be a nursery queen," she told him.

"A permanent one?" he asked.

She nodded. "I hardly have the energy to do warrior duties. I'll still hunt occassionally, but..."

"I understand," Nettlebreeze assured her. "Go on then."

Mapleshade quickly got used to being taken care of by Deerwing, who would come and bring her prey and replace her bedding. She felt guilty, but she shoved those feelings aside; she felt like she'd crumble into a pile of fur and bones if she had to put effort into anything again.

She wanted to be productive, she truly did, but it felt as if there were a physical barrier now. Whenever she needed something done, she called on Snakekit to do it. Frecklewish seemed concerned, but she never bothered her friend about it.

Once when Deerwing had brought them a skinny rabbit to share, she'd mewed, "Guess what? I'm expecting kits!"

Mapleshade's ears perked. "How far are you in?" she asked.

"A moon," Deerwing replied. "I'll be joining you three soon."

Mapleshade felt relieved at this news; perhaps with new kits in the nursery and with her always being there, she could have a true purpose in life again. Then she realized something: Deerwing was never publicly romantic with any tom.

As if thinking the same thoughts, Frecklewish inquired, "Who's the father?"

Deerwing's cheerful green gaze turned dark. "He will not be part of their lives."

Ravenwing, Rabbitfur, and Larchfang died soon after. Mapleshade felt like she no longer wanted to live after being presented with the news. The vigil was terrible; she couldn't stop sobbing, and Nettlebreeze wouldn't leave her side.

Beestar lost a life from greencough, but he was quickly up and running as leader again. The rest of leaf-bare, including the kitting of Deerwing's litter and the arrival of Petalwhisker in the nursery, went by surprisingly quick. It lasted three more moons. Every cat was relieved to find that no one else fell ill, and those who survived recovered once warm weather came.

Beestar was stood up on top of the Highrock with Nettlebreeze sitting underneath, his ginger tail curled neatly around his paws. Pride shone in his teal eyes as everyone gathered around. Mapleshade had left the nursery as a queen about a half moon before, when Petalwhisker had joined, and so she sat with the other warriors. She felt actual happiness, which hadn't happened in so long.

"Everyone, we're here to make an apprentice," Beestar announced. "Little Snakekit, won't you come forward?"

Snakekit, however, was no longer little. Despite being quite small as a kit, he was big and bulky with broad shoulders. His long fur was groomed neatly, and his yellow gaze was excited. He walked forward.

"Snakekit, from this moment forward you shall be known as Snakepaw," Beestar continued. He made eye contact with Mapleshade. "Mapleshade will be your mentor."

Mapleshade had been told a few days before, but that didn't erase the excitement she felt as she approached the young tom.

"Mapleshade, you've been known to be courageous and a great fighter. Pass these and other qualities onto Snakepaw."

Mapleshade nodded and touched noses with Snakepaw, not even having to bend down. Everyone began cheering his name loudly when they pulled apart. Beestar quickly dismissed the meeting, as there was no other business. Deerwing and her single kit, Sunkit, were sitting by the nursery with Petalwhisker. Yarrowclaw, as soon as he could, dashed over to Petalwhisker.

Mapleshade's heart clenched. _No, I'm done with love_ , she told herself. _I can't be envious anymore._

"What's wrong?" Snakepaw asked.

Mapleshade shook herself. "Nothing," she lied. "Let's go tour the territory."

As she led him out, however, she couldn't help but think about what could've been.

 **Short chapter, I know, and I'm sorry. But the next one will be much longer.**

 **Hint hint: more trouble ahead.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Erin Hunter owns the** ** _Warriors_** **series. Every character, setting, etc in this story belongs to them - the story in question is mine. Enjoy.**

It was a half moon later when Mapleshade and Snakepaw were walking side-by-side to the Gathering with their Clanmates. It would be his first, and you could easily tell he was excited. It was hard for him not to dash off. _I wonder what the other Clans are like?_ he thought.

"Stop lashing your tail," Mapleshade growled. "You keep hitting me in the face."

 _Whoops._ "Sorry, Mapleshade!" he apologized, obeying.

Mapleshade was a... well, let's just say she wasn't the best fit for him. For the first few days, she was enthusiastic and cheerful. But as time went on, she gradually became more careless and grumpy. Snakepaw had considered asking for a different mentor, but he didn't want to hurt her feelings. Therefore, he just tried his best and did anything she told him. Perhaps then she'd try being a better mentor.

Mapleshade huffed and rolled her eyes. "You'd better be," she muttered.

Snakepaw felt hurt, but he stayed quiet. _How did my father ever love her? She's just mean!_ Luckily, they came to Fourtrees. They were the first; no others were present. Beestar and Nettlebreeze stared for a few moments, then led their Clanmates down.

Mapleshade went off to sit with Frecklewish once they were by the Great Rock. Snakepaw raced after, but stopped in his tracks. He looked up to where RiverClan's territory would be, seeing the cats themselves. A black and gray tabby was at the head, a lean brown tabby beside her. Then, they led their Clan down together. RiverClan, however, stayed separate from ThunderClan.

Snakepaw spotted a brown-and-white tabby tom with blue eyes craning his neck up, searching the ThunderClanners. _Who's he trying to find?_ Snakepaw wondered, then continued heading towards Mapleshade and Frecklewish. He sat by his mother instead of his mentor. He waited with them while they talked, boredom making his paws restless. It wasn't long before ShadowClan and WindClan arrived alongside each other. Snakepaw jumped to his feet, but was urged to sit back down by Frecklewish.

"Beestar said we'll be starting without sharing tongues," she told him.

Snakepaw, disappointed, sat by her again. All four leaders jumped to the top of the Great Rock. He zoned out unintentionally while the other three presented their news, but he came back when Beestar began talking.

"Leaf-bare was harsh to us, but newleaf is looking great," Beestar announced. "Snakekit has become Snakepaw. He's with us now."

Everyone turned to look at Snakepaw, and he sat up straighter.

"Bloomheart has also retired," Beestar added. "That is all."

"I don't think that's _all_ ," the gray and black tabby she-cat from RiverClan spat from beside him.

"What do you mean, Eelstar?" Beestar asked calmly. "We've reported everything."

"You haven't reported that your warriors have been trespassing!" Eelstar hissed. "You may own Sunningrocks, but you own no land beyond it. Tell me, why has ThunderClan scent been detected?"

Gasps spread throughout ThunderClan's group. "That's a lie," Beestar growled. "None of my warriors have entered your territory. You're mistaken."

"And another thing: the scent is always the same," Eelstar added. "It's always the same cat. A she-cat. We don't know the name or appearance, however."

"If any of my cats are trespassing, then I haven't known about it," Beestar assured his fellow leader, flattening his bristled fur. "Let's discuss this calmly. How long has this been going on?"

Eelstar took a deep breath, seemingly calming herself as well. "Since late leaf-fall," she meowed. "I know it's been moons since then, but we've been trying to use discreet methods to catch the warrior and keep them hostage. It was a fox-hearted idea, I admit that, but we thought it would work. However, we never once caught sight of the cat."

"Is there any chance there's a... you know?" Beestar asked.

Eelstar gasped. "Forbidden relationship? No! My cats are loyal; they'd never get with a cat of another Clan."

"It was just an idea," the tom mewed. "Well, I promise you that I have nothing to do with this. However, I'll try to stop it."

"But if we catch them, they will feel our claws," she warned. "Just remember that."

Beestar nodded. "Anything else?" No one replied. "Then this Gathering is over!"

Mapleshade quickly got to her paws. "Come on," she mewed.

Snakepaw was hurriedly shoved into the group of ThunderClanners. "What's wrong?" he asked his mentor.

She bristled. "Nothing!" she snapped. "I just want to get out of here."

Snakepaw wasn't sure he believed her, but he stayed silent as they headed back to camp. Once they arrived back, Beestar jumped on top of the Highrock with Nettlebreeze sitting below. The cats who had stayed home were retrieved from their dens, whether they were awake or asleep. Deerwing came out of the nursery alongside Petalwhisker, both she-cats blinking sleepily. Bloomheart snorted as he flopped down right outside of the elders' den, where Mapleshade sat down beside him.

Snakepaw himself sat alone. That is, until Doefeather took the place to his right. He'd never been close to her or Deerwing, despite them being his father's sisters. The same was true of Beestar and Dawnfeather as well. All he'd ever really had as family was Nettlebreeze and Frecklewish. And no matter how much he pretended he was okay with that, he wasn't. He longed for more cats to love, as well as to return the favor.

"Everyone, Eelstar has told me something," Beestar meowed. "She said that a single she-cat from ThunderClan was scented in RiverClan territory, and has been since late leaf-fall. However, they know nothing else of this cat's identity. I believe her full-heartedly, but it pains me to think that one of my own Clanmates could trespass without orders. Tell me, and be honest: which of you has committed this crime?"

The Clan was silent for a long time. Snakepaw's neck fur bristled uncomfortably, and he willed for someone to speak up. As if StarClan had heard his wish, they had granted it. The sound of someone getting to their paws was heard, and everyone turned to look at the nursery. Deerwing was standing.

"I did," she confessed.

"My daughter, no..." Beestar murmured. "Tell me, Deerwing. Why have you done this?"

"I... I'm sorry, Beestar," Deerwing mewed, her eyes shining as if she were holding back tears. "And I'm sorry to Dawnfeather, Nettlebreeze, and Doefeather as well. My kit, Sunkit? She's the daughter of a RiverClan warrior."

Gasps erupted among every single gathered cat. "You took a RiverClan mate?" Doefeather hissed.

Deerwing nodded. "I'm so sorry, but I love him with all of my heart," she meowed, her voice quivering. "I'll leave ThunderClan, as we're still together. But I won't give away his name. All I ask is that I can take Sunkit."

Beestar stared sadly at his daughter, then nodded slowly. "You've betrayed us," he whispered, looking away. "I never want to see you again, Deerwing. Leave with your daughter. From now on, both of you are enemies to ThunderClan."

Deerwing sighed, "Yes, Beestar. I'll never forget you or any of my family."

"We're not your family anymore!" Doefeather snarled.

Deerwing's eyes shined with hurt, but she went inside of the nursery and came out with Sunkit. "What's going on?" the little she-kit asked groggily.

"We're leaving to join your father," Deerwing replied quietly.

"But you said I don't have one," Sunkit mewed.

"You do, but he's in RiverClan. We'll be RiverClanners now, my daughter."

"I'll escort them, Beestar," Mapleshade offered.

"Yes, alright," Beestar muttered. "Take Snakepaw."

Mapleshade bristled from surprise. "Are you sure?" she asked.

"Very. Take him."

Snakepaw got to his paws and rushed to his mentor's side. "Let me carry her on my back," he told Deerwing.

The brown queen hesitated, then nodded and assisted her daughter onto his broad back. They began walking, and he heard Beestar say, "Everyone, go to your nests. It's late, and tomorrow will be a busy day as usual."

"I understand," Mapleshade told Deerwing as they padded through the oak forest. Her amber eyes darted over to Snakepaw, and it was clear she hesitated before continuing. "I... used to have a RiverClan mate myself."

Snakepaw gasped audibly. "Why?"

"I thought I loved him," Mapleshade replied simply. "Just as I thought I loved Nettlebreeze. But you cannot tell anyone back at camp, you hear? Not even anyone in another Clan. You too, Deerwing."

"No worries," Deerwing assured her. "If you don't mind my asking, who was it?"

A long pause, then, "Appledusk."

Deerwing gasped, just as Snakepaw had. "My mate is his son, Toadfrost!" she meowed.

Mapleshade's neck fur bristled from surprise. "Like father, like son," she sighed after a few moments. "But Appledusk is meant to be with Reedshine, which was why we split apart in the first place. Nettlebreeze and I broke off because he found out, and he thought I was still with him. I wasn't." She lashed her tail gently. "But everything was meant to be. My last mate, Swiftpaw, is the one I'll be with in StarClan."

"I'm so very sorry about his death," Deerwing mewed sympathetically. "I know it's been a few moons, but surely the pain takes a long time to go away."

"It does," Mapleshade confirmed, then everything grew silent until they reached Sunningrocks. "Will you be fine crossing the stepping stones?" she asked.

"Yes," Deerwing responded. "Thank you, Mapleshade. Please don't tell anyone who my mate is, and I'll keep your secret as well." She woke Sunkit, who had fallen asleep on Snakepaw's back, and helped her down while she spoke.

"I will," Mapleshade promised, and she looked over to Snakepaw. "And my apprentice better had as well!"

Snakepaw nodded. "I will," he agreed.

"Then may StarClan light your paths," Deerwing meowed, then began crossing the stones with her kit.

Mapleshade and Snakepaw stood in silence and watched them cross safely. They left only when they could no longer see the two she-cats. Snakepaw thought for a moment before saying anything to his mentor.

"Mapleshade, I had no idea... I mean, I can remember the meeting where Ravenwing said..." He couldn't find the right words.

"He was right, but I would've been doomed if it had been confirmed," Mapleshade meowed seriously. "Don't tell anyone, alright? Only talk about it with your father and I if at all, and even then it musn't be around others."

"Yes, Mapleshade," he told her. "But do Petalwhisker and Patchberry know? Did Larchfang?"

"No, none of them," she replied. "Now enough talking. We can speak more in the morning while we train."

They were silent as they walked into camp and went separate ways. Mapleshade headed to the warriors' den, while he headed to his own: the apprentices'. He felt lonely since he was the only one, but the thought of soon becoming a warrior and sleeping beside his mother (and maybe even his father!) again cheered him up. _I'll make them proud of me_ , he told himself as he settled into his nest and closed his eyes. Then another thought crept into his mind, _What about Mapleshade?_ He replied to himself with, _Her too. Especially her. She's my mentor, after all._

And yet, a final thought bothered him: _But is there something else?_ He refused to answer.


	9. Chapter 9

**Erin Hunter owns the** ** _Warriors_** **series. Every character, setting, etc in this story belongs to them - the story in question is mine. Enjoy.**

Training went fine the next day. They spoke no more of drama, only of what they should be: practice. Mapleshade was actually quite an efficent mentor, unlike most times. She even taught Snakepaw a couple new battle moves.

When they returned to camp at sunhigh, Snakepaw quickly got his chores done and over with. Petalwhisker had begun her kitting not long before they came back, so he didn't have to do the nursery. He went to the elders' den and picked ticks off of Bloomheart while the old tom rambled on and on about some story involving a badger.

"I whacked him, y'see," he grunted. "Upside his head. And he growled and all that, then he swung his huge black paw at me. Then I-"

"I'm done, Bloomheart," Snakepaw interrupted. It was true, but he'd done a rush-job; he didn't have the patience to listen any longer. "I'll see you."

"S'you, Snakey," Bloomheart murmured, his eyes half-closed. It seemed as if he were putting himself to sleep with his own boring tale.

Snakepaw raised a brow at the nickname, but simply picked up the stick with the mouse-bile-covered moss and left. He dumped it in the forest, then scooped some earth over it. He washed his paws off in the river by Sunningrocks. He picked up the scents from the night before, when he and Mapleshade had taken Deerwing and Sunkit to the rival group.

As if on cue, a voice sounded, "Snakepaw!"

Snakepaw looked up, flicking his paws. Deerwing was racing towards him with the brown-and-white tabby tom he'd seen at the Gathering. The tom's blue eyes were shining with happiness, and he didn't even seem to mind talking to who was supposed to be an enemy.

"Greetings," he meowed. "We were just on a walk. I want to thank you for bringing my mate and daughter to my Clan. My peers are disappointed in me, but they accepted her anyway; it'd be foolish to deny warriors."

"And besides, we'll be accepted soon enough," Deerwing added. "Tell my kin I say hi!"

They walked back deeper into their territory before Snakepaw could say anything. He returned to camp, searching for Mapleshade; he wanted to go on a patrol. Unfortunately, she was nowhere to be found. He found a scent trail, however, that seemed fresh. He followed it out of camp, across a path through the forest, and towards the ShadowClan border. It led up to the Thunderpath. Confused, he realized that it led straight onto the black stone.

Snakepaw looked both ways multiple times before approaching it close enough so that he could place his paws on it. It was slightly warm. He looked both ways again, then crept onto it once he was sure no monsters were coming. He followed the scent trail before realizing that he'd been smelling something layered on top of it: blood.

Snakepaw's pelt bristled with unease. _I hope that's prey blood..._ he thought as he continued following his mentor's trail. However, he saw a bloody-furred cat on the side of the Thunderpath fox-lengths away. He raced over, fighting back tears.

Mapleshade was surely dead.

* * *

 **Warning: The rest of this chapter has mentions of a serious topic, which I would spoil by mentioning. You don't have to continue if you don't feel comfortable. At the very end, I'll briefly describe what happened if you wish to skip. Just look for bold text. Thank you.**

* * *

Mapleshade wasn't dead, thank StarClan. But she _was_ just barely clinging onto life. Patchberry had just finished helping Petalwhisker - "Four healthy kits!" he'd announced to everyone just as Snakepaw returned - and so he began helping Mapleshade as soon as he saw her. He laid her in a premade nest in the medicine den after treating her.

"I can't understand why she'd do this," Patchberry murmured. "Surely this was purposeful, since she'd have no reason to be crossing a Thunderpath, but..." He sighed and didn't finish. He only began sorting the herbs he'd collected earlier.

Snakepaw was scared, confused, and worried. He turned to Nettlebreeze and Frecklewish for comfort, who were both distraught. He hated the thought of no longer having Mapleshade; she'd just begun to be such a great and fulfilling mentor. Besides, she was good to him and could've been his friend.

 _She isn't dead yet, mouse-brain_ , Snakepaw kept telling himself. But this couldn't comfort him.

Mapleshade lay unconscious until dawn the next morning. Snakepaw went to the medicine den first thing after waking up. Her dark amber eyes were slitted, and she fully opened them when she saw him. She also lifted her head, which was rested on the nest before.

"Snakepaw, Patchberry told me that you found me," she meowed quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Snakepaw asked, padding closer.

"Y-you shouldn't have seen... you're so young...!" She seemed to struggle with her words. "An older cat should've been the one to discover..." She didn't finish, only looking at her white forepaws.

"Wait, you mean you meant to...?" He didn't have to finish; she nodded guiltily. "But why?!"

"You couldn't understand," she murmured. "You're only an apprentice."

Snakepaw growled. "So what if I'm an apprentice? That doesn't mean I shouldn't know!"

Mapleshade didn't say anything else. "Go ask Beestar to assign you a temporary mentor," she said after a long time. "I'll resume once I'm healed."

"Okay," Snakepaw mewed quietly. He left the den and obeyed.

Mistpelt ended up being his temporary mentor. She was much gentler and kinder than Mapleshade was, even at her worst times. However, it still didn't feel right. He wanted to be criticized when he did something wrong, not encouraged that he'd do better next time. After they finished hunting, he returned to camp and got to work on Bloomheart. He took a long time, making sure to thoroughly go through the elder's pelt and nest. When he was done, he got Petalwhisker some prey and even made small talk.

"You should go," she eventually told him. "It isn't healthy for a growing cat to be inside so much. Go practice battle moves, or something."

Snakepaw nodded and left the nursery, disappointed. Now it'd be seen as strange if he didn't visit Mapleshade, which was exactly why he wanted to keep busy. He wasn't ready to see her again. He knew the reason she was even injured, but not the details behind it. It felt too awkward.

And as soon as he left, Nettlebreeze padded over. "Have you visited Mapleshade yet?" he asked.

Snakepaw nodded; it wasn't exactly a lie.

"Well, go see her again. She could use some company, and I'm sure Patchberry would let you. After all, she's recovered quite well in such a short time."

Snakepaw sighed inaudibly, but he obeyed anyway. After getting permission from the bicolored medicine cat, he entered the medicine den and walked over to his mentor's nest. She lifted her head up, her dark eyes bright with health.

"Hey," he greeted her.

"Hello," she mewed back.

They were silent for a few long moments, but it was broken with her saying, "What brings you here?"

"Just visiting," he replied. He waited another couple heartbeats before continuing. "Mapleshade, why did you let yourself get hurt? Why did you mean to...?" He still couldn't bring himself to say it.

Mapleshade sighed. "You're going to keep pestering me until I tell you, eh?" she grunted. "Well, fine then. I meant to die because I wanted to."

Snakepaw stiffened. "Why?" he asked her. "Why did you want to?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Mapleshade growled. "My life has become miserable, Snakepaw. The haunting secret of Appledusk has recently returned to haunt me because of Deerwing, Larchfang and Swiftpaw both died, and everything I do feels like a struggle. I can't even feel happy doing things I once loved! So I thought, why not end it?"

Snakepaw couldn't imagine what Mapleshade must've been going through all this time. From the way her voice rasped as if she were already an elder, he could tell that everything she'd listed truly had an effect. He sighed and stepped closer.

"I was so scared when I found you," Snakepaw mewed. "I thought you were going to die. Don't you know how many cats would miss you if you did?"

"Now I do," Mapleshade murmured. "But I was desperate. Selfish, yes, but desperate. Please forgive me. My intent wasn't to hurt anyone. Quite the opposite, really." She sighed and laid her head down. "Now I feel terrible."

"Don't," Snakepaw meowed, getting even closer. "I forgive you, Mapleshade. I do. But please, don't do that or anything like it again. I'll be here for you."

Mapleshade closed her eyes. "Funny..." she whispered. "Can't believe my apprentice is the one consoling me. Always thought it'd be the opposite, I did..."

"Go to sleep," he told her quietly, licking her ears as if she were a kit. "It's late, you know."

Snakepaw, however, never stood to leave. He ended up falling asleep next to her nest with his head resting on the soft bedding. Their noses touched as they slept. He had a dreamless sleep, but it still felt good knowing that Mapleshade would survive.

 **Summary for those who skipped: Mapleshade survived and was treated by Patchberry. She and Snakepaw have a long talk in which she admits she wanted to die and tried to do so. They fall asleep in the medicine den together.**

 **I almost didn't want to put this in the story, but I decided it was an important arc that would bring them closer in the end. I hope you all agree that it was the right choice.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Erin Hunter owns the** ** _Warriors_** **series. Every character, setting, etc in this story belongs to them - the story in question is mine. Enjoy.**

A half moon passed, and Mapleshade was deemed well enough to continue her duties. Snakepaw was relieved; he'd looked forward to her stern, critical way of mentoring rather than Mistpelt's encouraging one. Being treated like a kit during practice had opened his eyes to how important Mapleshade's no-nonsense attitude was. They went out to hunt the morning she'd gotten released from the medicine den. They caught two sparrows, a thrush, and a plump squirrel combined. It had been enjoyable with her at his side, and that's coming from someone who usually finds it boring.

Snakepaw dragged his sparrow and squirrel into camp, then placed them on the fresh-kill pile. The sun's warmth beat down gently on his fur, and he wished he could lay in it. He knew, however, that he needed to take care of his duties. Just as he was about to go get some mouse bile for Bloomheart's ticks, he saw Petalwhisker leading her four kits out. There was a dark brown tabby tom with ginger patches and green eyes, a golden brown tabby tom with amber eyes, a dilute tortoiseshell she-kit with a white undercoat and green eyes, and a pale golden-and-white mottled she-kit with green eyes. Petalwhisker had named them Sproutkit, Rootkit, Lilykit, and Shinekit respectively.

"Hello!" he greeted, padding over. He was surprised to see them out; they were weak from being kitted slightly early, even though they'd opened their eyes a few days ago.

"Hello," Petalwhisker purred. "I know you have your duties, but can you give my kits a tour of the camp? It won't take long." Her amber eyes gleamed hopefully.

Snakepaw nodded. He looked at the kits, not used to looking down at cats. It was no surprise that they were all small, but he knew they'd likely grow up to be largely-built; both of their parents were, after all. He led them to the apprentices' den while their white-and-ginger tabby spotted mother laid down in a patch of sunlight.

"This is where I sleep, and where you all will too in about five moons," Snakepaw meowed.

"Can we go in?" Lilykit asked.

Snakepaw thought for a moment. He was the only one in there, so surely it wouldn't bother anyone if they took a peek. He nodded his approval, and all four scampered inside with delighted squeals. He poked his head in, watching as they sniffed all around. After they were done, he introduced them to the warriors' den. He was much more hesitant when they asked to explore it as well.

"There might be cats in there," he explained. "You can go in when you're warriors yourselves." That's when he realized _he_ hadn't even been in there; he'd only had a slight glimpse as a kit.

They all pouted, but he carried on anyway. He showed them the fresh-kill pile and the stump where every apprentice ate before moving to the medicine den. Patchberry greeted them.

"I'm your mother's littermate," he informed them. He supervised as they explored his herb store, saying, "No, don't touch that" or "Be careful" whenever they almost messed something up.

The elders' den went well. Bloomheart was disappointed to find he'd have to wait before getting his ticks removed, but he spoke to the kits kindly and promised them a story later. Snakepaw led them to the final destination: Highrock. He explained the purpose of it to them.

"Beestar's den is on that slope that leads up to the top," he added. "And even though he can just walk up it, he chooses to skip it and jump up. Most leaders do."

"Can we see his den?" Rootkit asked.

Snakepaw shook his head immediately. "Only cats who can go in there are the leader and the deputy, unless you're asked to go there," he meowed.

They all pleaded. "I'll help you with your duties!" Shinekit begged.

"Can we go out of camp then?" Sproutkit mewed hopefully.

"Yeah, out of camp!" Lilykit agreed.

Snakepaw shook his head again. "Go to your mother," he ordered them. "That's all there is to see."

After they left, he quickly completed his duties and went to find Mapleshade in hopes of training some more. "I guess some more hunting practice couldn't hurt," she meowed.

"Can't we battle train instead?" Snakepaw asked her.

Just as Mapleshade was about to speak, Petalwhisker raced up to them. "Snakepaw!" she gasped.

"Yes?" he mewed.

"My kits... what did you tell them?" she demanded, her eyes blazing.

He bristled defensively. "I showed them the camp!" he replied.

"And the entrance?" she hissed.

He nodded. "I told them it leads to the rest of the territory."

"Did they ask to go outside?"

"When we got to Highrock, yes."

Petalwhisker growled, her pelt bristling even more. "Well, they're gone!"

"We'll find them," Mapleshade promised. "Come on, Snakepaw. We need to find a scent trail."

Snakepaw raced after Mapleshade, sniffing around the nursery. After they found a fresh scent, they followed it carefully. Suddenly, they heard pawsteps behind them. They stopped to see that it was Yarrowclaw.

"I'm coming," he demanded.

Mapleshade nor Snakepaw protested; the more paws, the better. They continued until they came across Lilykit. She was covered in blood and slumped over, yowling out of pain. Mapleshade rushed over and, using her natural mother's instinct, began licking the wounds. Yarrowclaw checked to make sure she would be alright, then he led Snakepaw on.

"What do you think did that?" Snakepaw asked as they moved.

"Your nose is as terrible as a Twoleg's brain," Yarrowclaw snapped. "Couldn't you smell the rank? It was a fox!"

Snakepaw growled, "No need to insult me!" Then he realized that the usually mature warrior was driven by grief and worry. He said nothing else, only focusing on the path.

They came to Sunningrocks and saw the other three kits on RiverClan's border. There was a patrol sniffing them over. That's when Snakepaw realized all of the RiverClan cats were wounded. _Did they really protect our kits from the fox?_ he wondered. Yarrowclaw led him to the stepping stones, but neither cat jumped onto them.

"What have you done with the fox?" Yarrowclaw asked coldly.

The RiverClanners looked over. The leader, a brown tabby tom with green eyes, was the one who answered, "We chased it off. These kits here must've come from your Clan, so take them."

Yarrowclaw growled, "As long as you'll take me crossing the stepping stones into your territory and not report it as trespassing."

"Why would we?" Toadfrost hissed. "We're not ShadowClan. Just come over and grab them!"

"I'll go with them to make sure the kits get back safely," the brown tabby declared. "Shyheart, lead the patrol back to camp."

The ginger-and-white she-cat nodded and led the other two cats away. The tom grabbed Sproutkit and crossed the border into ThunderClan territory. Yarrowclaw and Snakepaw crossed, grabbed Shinekit and Rootkit respectively, and came back over. They began walking back to their camp. When they returned back, Petalwhisker rushed over.

"Mapleshade's brought Lilykit to Patchberry," she breathed. "I was so worried the other three wouldn't make it." She snarled at the RiverClan warrior. "What're you doing here, Appledusk?"

 _Appledusk!_ Snakepaw's heart jumped from surprise. "He helped us," he told the queen, setting a shaking Rootkit down.

Petalwhisker narrowed her eyes at Appledusk, who placed Sproutkit on the ground. "You probably just wanna spy for RiverClan," she accused.

"I may be deputy, but I still have a heart," Appledusk retorted coolly. "Where's Beestar? Surely a witness should tell him how my patrol saved those three kits from a fox."

"I'll take you to him," Yarrowclaw meowed.

Appledusk glanced at Petalwhisker again before following the senior warrior. Petalwhisker heaved a sigh of relief as she began grooming her terrified kits.

"The fox got Lilykit, but we kept running," Sproutkit whimpered. "Then it stopped hurting her and followed us."

"She's seriously wounded, you know," Petalwhisker growled after finishing with Shinekit. "She's close to dying. Would you three want to be responsible for your sister's death?"

The trio shook their heads as she began grooming Rootkit. "We're sorry," Shinekit mewed. "We'll never leave camp again!"

"You'd better not," Snakepaw spoke up.

Surprisingly, Petalwhisker nodded in agreement. "Never again," she murmured in between licks.

Mapleshade approached Snakepaw and brought him away from the others. "Why'd Appledusk come?" she whispered.

"He helped us bring the kits back," Snakepaw replied.

Mapleshade was quiet for a moment, then she meowed, "Fine. That's fine. Now let's go hunting, shall we?"

But Snakepaw's enthusiasm for training was erased to make room for suspicion. As he trailed after his mentor, he thought, _Surely Appledusk's only intention wasn't to help? It seemed like he had more on his mind. But what?_

 **Not a very good chapter, but this is a build-up for what's to come. Sorry if the wait for this wasn't worth it.**


	11. Chapter 11

**THE SEQUEL IS OUT.**

!Erin **Hunter owns the Warriors series. Every character, setting, etc in this story belongs to them - the story in question is mine. Enjoy.**

Mapleshade felt uneasy knowing that Appledusk was in their camp. She hunted a sparrow with Snakepaw, but was so distracted that she ended up making him miss a squirrel afterward. She suggested he go hunt by himself, and he reluctantly agreed. She watched him leave before going off to Sunningrocks. She sat on one of the boulders for a while, staring at RiverClan territory.

"I want to talk to you," a voice meowed from behind her. She turned around to see Appledusk.

"Sit down," she invited, surprising herself with the warmth in her voice. Something awakened inside of her as he obeyed, choosing a spot directly to her right.

"I have many regrets, Mapleshade," Appledusk told her. "Do you want to know one of them?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Breaking things off with you. I've always loved you. My duty to my Clan just overrode that love."

Mapleshade tilted her head slightly. "I feel the same. I thought I had moved on from you, but seeing you now... I feel like we're leaving off where we last were. I feel young again."

"Neither of us are old," Appledusk pointed out.

"It feels like it," Mapleshade meowed grimly. "Losing Swiftpaw, then Larchfang..."

"I understand. After the fight in our camp where Darkstar died, Reedshine refused to believe the lies I tried telling her. I tried so hard to convince her that your Clan was lying, but... she wouldn't. She refused to call herself my mate from then on. Eelstar may have made me her deputy, but that doesn't erase the guilt and hollowness I constantly feel. I'm not happy.

"I always think to myself: What would've happened if I would've left her to join you and our kits in ThunderClan? I can't help but think that I would've been much happier. I only mated with her to erase any suspicions regarding my loyalty, if they existed in the first place. Choosing her over you and our kits was the worst thing I've ever done."

"You chose what was best for your Clan," Mapleshade reminded him. "That was a noble and honorable thing to do. I couldn't have asked you to be disloyal for much longer."

"Yes, but the keyword here is 'happy'," Appledusk mewed. "Is something truly worth doing if it doesn't make you happy? Loyalty to RiverClan just made me miserable for so many moons. Yet I kept going. I spent time with Reedshine and our kits. I went on patrols. I did what made everyone else happy, expecting it to be the same for me. And it wasn't."

Mapleshade didn't respond, so he kept going, "I knew that Patchberry, Petalwhisker, and Larchfang were ours once I first saw them. I felt so happy to see those tiny apprentices at the Gathering, so proud when I heard Oakstar announce their names. And later on, I saw you. Pregnant. Call me selfish, but I felt heartbroken.

"You were my everything, and then I see you carrying another tom's kits. I was happy for you, I was, but I wished that I could go back and change the past. Perhaps then those kits would be mine and not Nettlebreeze's." He gave her a guilty look. "That's also why I refused to say that our three weren't mine, even with claws at my neck. They were my only tie to our love. I couldn't just disown them."

Mapleshade nodded. "I understand. I imagine I'd do the same if I were in your paws." A few moments of silence passed.

"But talking to you wasn't the only reason I had for entering your territory," Appledusk told her. "Mapleshade, I want nothing more than to be with you. Please, be my mate again."

Mapleshade couldn't help but gasp softly. "We've broke the code once. Would you truly want to risk doing it again?" She wouldn't admit it, but she felt so ecstatic at the thought of being mates with him. He was completely right in everything he said. It would be worth it.

Appledusk nodded confidently. "I have nothing more to lose. It's completely up to you. I can even give you some time to think it over, if you-"

"No," Mapleshade interrupted. "I have my answer. Yes, Appledusk." She felt like when she'd first been asked this question: breathless with excitement, adoration, and genuine happiness. No other love had been like this, not even Swiftpaw. "Yes, I'll be your mate."

Appledusk's gentle green gaze brightened, and he let out a sort of squeal that made him seem like an apprentice that had just been told he'd passed his warrior assessment. "Are you serious, Mapleshade? You've truly made me so happy, just as you have in the past. I promise that if this works out as well as I think it will, I'll join ThunderClan. That's the only way we can be together."

As she buried her head in his chest, nuzzling him, she chuckled, "Getting caught up there, are we?" And yet she knew he was right. "I'll fight whoever necessary to secure you a place here."

Both cats were purring so loudly that Mapleshade was sure that StarClan themselves could hear. She remembered how she'd rushed into her past two relationships, and she wondered if this was just like those times. _No_ , she decided. _I've always loved him, haven't I?_

They departed ways soon enough. Mapleshade thoroughly cleaned her pelt of his scent, then began going back to camp. _Is something truly worth doing if it doesn't make you happy?_ Appledusk had asked her. Perhaps if she'd been asked that every time she began doing something, her life would've turned out differently.

 _Frecklewish looked down at the floor of the den. "Is . . . is that because their father is dead?" She lifted her gaze, and Mapleshade almost winced at the blaze of hope in her eyes. "Are these Birchface's kits?" Frecklewish whispered. "Is my brother going to live on through you?"_

If she had said no, what would've happened?

 _"I will not have my kits judged before they have even begun their warrior training!" she hissed. "Patchkit, come here; we're going for a walk in the forest."_

 _Rabbitfur narrowed his yellow eyes. "The forest?" he mewed. "You know it's against the warrior code to take them out of the camp while they're under six moons, Mapleshade. Have you forgotten what you live by?"_

If Rabbitfur wouldn't have spoken up and had let her take them, how would her life had been different?

In a distant part of her mind, Mapleshade imagined herself in multiple scenarios. The one that was most out of place was her being exiled in front of everyone in ThunderClan. Frecklewish and Oakstar glaring at her with hatred in their eyes... a raging river sweeping her kits away... her claws digging into skin with the intent to kill...

What would've happened?

 **Everyone, thank you for reading this story. This is the finale, but there will be a sequel. I'm sorry if this seems rushed and late; my computer has been broke since December, which has left me with zero motivation to update. I wrote this chapter in a single night on a tablet just to get it out.**

I'll **update this chapter when the sequel has been published, but that probably won't be for a while. Again, thank you all - my few readers. Join me months from now to explore the future of Mapleshade and Appledusk.**


	12. Rewrite Prologue

**as you all can see, ive picked this story up again. i admit that although i had a fully planned plot and completed outline, i started improvising and just made most stuff up. this went nothing like how i wanted to. therefore, everything from this point and on will be a rewrite of dml. im only including it in the same fic because i thought i might as well make sure the full audience receives this and gets to read what i originally wanted.**

 **and yes i deleted the sequel because it was going even worse than this. we dont discuss the sequel.**

 **e** **njoy.**

Mapleshade looked cautiously around. Her calico fur shone in the moonlight. Her large paws made gentle imprints in the grass as she trod on towards her destination, her head held low. Soon she came to the RiverClan border. She hopped onto one of the many gray rocks and ran to the tom that stood waiting.

"Appledusk!" purred Mapleshade, her fluffy tail curling with delight. "How have you been?"

It had been a moon since they'd last met, so there was likely some form of news she could be informed of. The brown tabby's green eyes squinted with a smile.

"I've been well," meowed Appledusk. "How are the kits?"

Their litter of three were four moons old and endlessly eager to get into trouble, except maybe quiet Patchkit. They were unaware of their half-Clan heritage, and were under the belief that they were deceased warrior Birchface's offspring.

"They're great," she replied happily. "Patchkit is spending more and more time with Ravenwing. I'm really thinking he'll be a medicine cat. Oh, and Petalkit-"

Appledusk smiled again. "Mapleshade, I don't really care."

Confusion swept over her and was visible on her face. Her grin turned into a puzzled frown. "Is something wrong?" she asked him.

"Sure," responded Appledusk. "The fact that we were mates in the first place."

Mapleshade dug her claws into the ground. Had she imagined his word choice? "I don't understand," she told him.

"It's quite obvious, really," he meowed. "Did you really think I'd settle for an obnoxious, snobby, entitled ThunderClan cat? I'm sure you've heard about Reedshine's kits from the Gathering. Take a guess on who their father is."

Mapleshade was speechless for several moments as she felt her heart drop and shatter. "This… can't be it," she breathed. "Just like that, we're over? What about the kits?"

"What about them?" scoffed Appledusk. "They would never know me, anyway. And it's not like I'd want to know _them_. They're half-Clan, after all."

Mapleshade's lips curled back in a snarl. "They're your kits. _Yours!_ Why would you say that about them?"

"They're Birchface's now," he shrugged. "Nice seeing you, but don't talk to me again." He turned and began heading back in the direction of RiverClan's camp.

Mapleshade stared after him for long after he disappeared. She felt tears come to her eyes, but she fought them back. She sat and kneaded her tail with her forepaws, trying to calm herself. She was overcome with a mixture of anger and sadness, and there was no clear dominant ingredient.

Eventually she got to her paws and slowly padded back to camp. Her tail dragged behind her for a while, but she stopped suddenly and lifted it. Her amber eyes narrowed angrily.

"I'll show him," she muttered aloud. "We'll do just fine on our own."

Anger was stronger now as she lifted her head and continued walking. There was no mention of being loyal to RiverClan as Appledusk's reason. It was all about the fact that she was ThunderClan, and that he had another mate. She hadn't taken a living tom and made him a stand-in father, so why would he father a litter that wasn't hers?

Mapleshade snuck back into camp via the dirtplace. She stood, surveying the gorge with caution. No one seemed to be awake, with the exception of Deerdapple on guard right outside of the entrance. She silently stepped into the nursery. Doekit and Deerkit were nestled up next to their mother, Dawnfeather. The dappled queen walked past their nest and gently settled into her own.

Larchkit opened one pale yellow eye sleepily. "Is it morning?" he murmured.

"Go back to sleep," whispered Mapleshade as she rolled onto her side slowly. She closed her eyes, letting the tension her body held drain.

She felt Larchkit's sleepy gaze linger on her. "I'm hungry," he mewed quietly.

"You'll eat in the morning," she assured him, wanting nothing but to sleep her troubles away. "Come on. Bedtime now."

Larchkit scooted closer to her and nestled in her soft belly fur. "G'night."

Mapleshade rested her head on the bedding of their nest. "Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don't let the adders bite."

She lay awake no matter how much she wanted to sleep. Larchkit drifted away quickly, but it was no use for her. Soon dawn arrived, and she felt thoroughly exhausted while remaining trapped in a state of consciousness. It wasn't long before her kits awoke and ran outside to play in the cool early newleaf air. She remained curled up.

Finally Mapleshade slept, yet her dreams were black and fruitless. She knew only that although no one had passed away, she wouldn't look forward to awakening. She would no longer be able to think of the father of her kits as the tom who would always be there for her.


	13. Rewrite Chapter 1

Mapleshade found herself lying across the branch of an oak. It had been two moons since she and Appledusk had split, and she was convinced that her Clanmates had noticed her change of mood. She was always considered snarky, but the emotion that she'd adopted practically permanently was pure spitefulness. Her ears perked when she heard one of her patrol members call for her.

"Mapleshade, have you caught anything?" called Mistpelt from the ground.

"Of course I have," huffed Mapleshade.

Sweetpaw, an older apprentice, rolled her eyes. "A fully grown warrior slacking off."

"Be polite, Sweetpaw," her mentor ordered.

Mapleshade sat up and jumped down from branch to branch until her paws touched the ground.

"Nettlebreeze caught this huge pheasant," she was informed by Mistpelt. "Petalpaw was impressed."

Mapleshade forced a smile through her annoyance. "Only because he was bragging, I'd bet."

"Come see it for yourself. It's quite impressive, I must say."

Mapleshade followed both she-cats to where the ginger tabby stood, digging up his cache from the dirt. Petalpaw stood beside him, a single mouse clenched in her teeth. She stood proudly, and dropped her quarry when she noticed her mother.

"Mother!" gasped Petalpaw. She wore an excited grin. "I caught my first prey! Nettlebreeze is such a good mentor."

Mapleshade purred, "Well done, Petalpaw! You're the first out of you and Larchpaw. You better watch out! He'll be jealous."

Petalpaw rolled her eyes. "Larchpaw is pretty good at the crouch and stalk. He just gets nervous when he tries catching actual prey. He can suck it up and put actual effort in."

"Petalpaw!" warned Nettlebreeze, wacking her with his tail. His teal eyes were narrowed in a glare.

Petalpaw sighed in an exaggerated fashion as she looked up at the young warrior. "What I meant to say was… Larchpaw is a very hardworking tom who will get the hang of hunting very soon." She smiled too large to be true.

"At least we know she got more than appearance from you, Mapleshade!" commented Sweetpaw with a snicker.

Mapleshade rolled her eyes, much like her daughter had done moments before. "Can we just get back to camp?"

"Sure," responded Mistpelt, the patrol leader. "But if I may ask, where's your prey?"

"Buried."

"Can you dig it up?"

Mapleshade padded away about a dozen tail-lengths and dug her claws into the forest floor. She shovelled up dirt, then returned it once she'd scooped out her two catches. She tucked the robin underneath her chin and pressed it against her chest. She took the mouse in her teeth before rejoining her Clanmates.

Mapleshade padded along silently next to Nettlebreeze. The flame-furred tom seemed to continuously turn to look at her, part his jaws as if about to speak, then shut them and look forward again. This happened about half a dozen times before she noticed the pattern through her peripheral. She tossed the mouse into the air and caught it by its tail, giving her more room to talk.

"How has Petalpaw been?" asked Mapleshade around the tail.

"I've been good!" interrupted Petalpaw from the other side of Nettlebreeze, also around her own mouse.

Mapleshade lifted her head so that she could make eye contact with her and send a warning glare. The apprentice shrunk down.

"She's not perfect, but she's pretty good," replied Nettlebreeze, opting to ignore the unwanted comment. "Only half a moon in training, and she's caught herself a mouse! Why, it took me _seasons_ to catch something!"

"Did not!" snorted Petalpaw disbelievingly.

"Did too!" he meowed. "To this day, I don't think I've ever caught prey. What a sad, sad shame…" He shook his head slowly, acting as if the two pieces of prey tucked between his chin and chest didn't exist.

Mapleshade allowed herself to chuckle half-earnestly. His eyes brightened when he noticed her amusement, and he stood a little taller. Mistpelt peered back over her shoulder, looking between the two. Sweetpaw giggled.

Heat rushed to Mapleshade's ear tips - not because she was flustered, but because she was embarrassed. If the other two thought that there was something between her and Nettlebreeze, that was their problem. Not hers, and not his.

Besides, it wasn't true. Mapleshade hardly even knew the tom. He was her daughter's mentor. That was it. After all, she wasn't ready for a mate. She was still mourning over Appledusk's harsh rejection of her and the kits. If Nettlebreeze confessed feelings, she would turn him down. Plain and simple.

They continued to camp in silence. Nettlebreeze seemed to notice Mapleshade's discomfort, so he didn't seem to sneak glances at her anymore. The calico set her prey down in the pile as soon as they set paw in camp. She surveyed the area. Dawnfeather was watching Doekit and Deerkit play mossball. The elders were clustered together in the sun, gossiping. Warriors lingered in groups of two or three, or alone.

Mapleshade took a thrush from the pile and padded to where Bloomheart lay, a half-eaten mouse before him. She took a seat at his side and sat her prey down. She greeted him with a wordless meow. She was glad to remain close with her former mentor.

Bloomheart licked a bit of prey blood from his silvering muzzle before speaking. "Good to see you, Mapleshade. How was the patrol?"

"It was fine," answered Mapleshade. "Prey is pretty rich, considering we only just got out of leaf-bare. How was the ShadowClan border?"

"Unusually strongly marked on their side. If you ask me, they're planning something. Untrustworthy, they are."

A fact that Mapleshade had noticed throughout her life was that older cats often seemed discriminatory against the other Clans, and seemed to think that their own was flawless. She simply nodded once and changed the subject.

"Petalpaw caught her first prey today," she meowed, then took a bite of her meal.

Bloomheart nodded. "Good to hear. Perhaps the younguns aren't as lazy as I thought if they can catch something within a moon of training. Still, when _I_ was young…"

Mapleshade let her mind take her as the senior warrior rambled. She usually enjoyed his company, but moments like these made her wonder why she bothered. She busied herself with watching the three warrior apprentices tend to their nursery and elder duties. Patchpaw entered alongside Ravenwing halfway through a story about a badger. She had finished her thrush at this point.

"Bloomheart, I have to speak to Ravenwing about something," she interrupted. "If you'll please excuse me." She got to her paws.

Bloomheart sent a goodbye her way as she approached the duo.

"How was herb gathering?" asked Mapleshade.

"It was good," quietly replied Patchpaw, smiling a little. He had to set his herbs down to speak. "We managed to get all that we were missing. Now we're going to organize them."

"Yes, we are," agreed Ravenwing a bit sharply. He glared at Mapleshade. "So if you'll move out of our way, that would be nice. Thank you."

Mapleshade bristled slightly, yet her tone remained cool. "Alright. Have a good day, Patchpaw." She stepped backward.

Ravenwing picked up his herbs and continued on towards the medicine den. Patchpaw did the same, only he looked back at his mother with a confused expression. She didn't know what to make of the medicine cat's rudeness, either, so she gave no visual response. She looked to the camp entrance and exited through it mindlessly.

Mapleshade, on this silent walk through ThunderClan's land, confronted the truth that she had been hiding from for nearly half a moon: her kits were growing too busy with their duties for her. Only now had she noticed that warriors tended to have more free time than apprentices. During the time that young cats weren't patrolling or doing their duties, they were training. Whenever warriors weren't hunting or patrolling, they were doing what they pleased.

It wasn't true that apprentices had no free time. Late in the evening, when the sky was growing dark, every apprentice was present in camp and were letting loose. They were play fighting, chasing each other, talking, or sharing tongues. Still, though, it felt as though her own children had no remaining time in the day for her. It was heart-wrenching to fully realize.

And when they were warriors? They would be falling in love and making friends with older cats previously not an option due to the rank gap. They would be finding new ways to hunt and fight, and they would be sneaking out at moonhigh to run with their mate. They would only come to her when they needed help with something. And one day their own kits would come into the Clan, and she would never even know them. Her kits would know the pain that she was feeling and would soon feel.

Life would go on. It didn't matter.

Mapleshade looked around, only to realize that she'd been frozen for several minutes. An overwhelming loneliness filled her up to her ears. When Appledusk had made it clear that they were no longer mates, she comforted herself by saying that she would always have her kits. However, there would no longer be a feeling of guardianship. They would feel separated. They had not chosen her as part of their family, but they would choose their future mate and kits. Parents were disposable, was what her mind told her.

She shook herself, her long fur ruffling. She was being ridiculous. No, of course her kits would always value and love her. Other than their mate, the first cat they'd want to see their newborn kits would be her. When they wanted a hunting partner, she would be one of the top options. When Patchpaw would want consolation after not being able to save a cat, she would say to him that all would be fine and that they were resting in StarClan.

She may not spend as much time with them as their mentors were for the time being, but the feeling of love and security would surely never fade. A mother was a cat that couldn't be replaced. She had nursed and raised you. She thought these things to herself over and over again until her insecurities were wiped away, if only temporarily. She looked up and realized that sunset was growing near, and she immediately set back off.

Mapleshade soon arrived back at camp, only to be immediately placed on a RiverClan border patrol by Beetail. She sighed inaudibly and followed at Deerdapple's tail, who was leading the patrol. The other two cats happened to be Frecklewish and her first apprentice, Larchpaw. Deerdapple and Frecklewish made light conversation on the way to Sunningrocks, while Mapleshade and Larchpaw remained silent. A few times, they tried bringing her into the discussion. She would say a few words and then fade back out. She had too much on her mind, even still, to speak.

When they made it there, they were faced with the harsh stench of RiverClan. Mapleshade immediately bristled and unsheathed her claws as she took in the scene. Stood on the opposite bank were five RiverClanners. Deerdapple, without moving, whispered to Larchpaw. The young tom nodded and immediately ran off.

"I see you've sent the apprentice to get reinforcements," commented Appledusk, the cat who seemed to be the head of the enemy patrol. "And I also see that you've noticed our new markers. We'll be taking Sunningrocks, and Darkstar said we had permission to spill blood in order to keep it."

"Leave now, Appledusk!" hissed Frecklewish. "You wouldn't want a cat's death in your name, would you?"

"As long as it's for a good cause, I wouldn't mind it much. It's you, ThunderClan, who should leave." He jumped into the first stepping stone. "Turn back, and respect our markers. You'll pay the price well if you don't."

"You couldn't even get your deputy to come down and defend your cause," meowed Deerdapple angrily. "Why should we take you seriously?"

"Because RiverClan owns these rocks!" he growled. "We've always owned them. Our ancestors just allowed you greedy ThunderClanners a taste, and now you want all of it! But unbeknownst to you, we're willing to fight thieves. Final warning! Continue to persist, and we'll unsheathe our claws."

All three ThunderClan warriors got closer to the river. Mapleshade, already upset at the sight of Appledusk and even angrier after hearing him talk, spoke up to hiss, "Bring it."


	14. Rewrite Chapter 2

Appledusk showed his teeth in a grin. "Well, only because you so kindly asked."

He flicked his striped tail in a silent order, and the other four RiverClan warriors pounced. Mapleshade found herself fighting two she-cats at once, dodging hits while trying to land them. The stones around her were now splattered with blood and fur, and she was surrounded by a cacophony of snarling and yowling. She ducked a blow from one warrior, while the other hit her shoulder. She prayed that reinforcements hurry.

Her wish came true. She heard other cats join the fight, and Yarrowclaw dashed in to pounce on one of her opponents. His golden fur was quickly stained with blood. Mapleshade focused solely on the singular warrior, and found that it was much easier to deal damage than before. Their strength had been in numbers, not skill. It took only a few good strikes to the RiverClan warrior's flanks and soft underbelly before she went running into the river and back over the proper border.

Mapleshade yowled her triumph and moved on, but found that it was now three RiverClan cats to eight ThunderClanners. _Surely they'll come with their own reinforcements_ , she thought with confusion, striking a dark-furred tom alongside Mistpelt. It wasn't long before he and a tortoiseshell she-cat ran back to RiverClan's territory. All that was left was Appledusk, stubbornly fighting Nettlebreeze. The other seven made a circle around them. They split, and Nettlebreeze joined his Clanmates.

Appledusk looked wildly around, his tabby fur sticking up, his pelt missing clumps, blood and wounds covering his body. "What now?" he growled. "You're going to kill me?" He smiled. "RiverClan doesn't give up as easily as you think. There will be reinforcements coming to put you in your place."

"We're going to bring you to Oakstar," replied Beetail with just as much scorn and hostility. "You led the patrol, after all. It'd be foolish just to let you run on back. We're going to settle this Sunningrocks dispute once and for all."

Mapleshade lifted her chin. "I'll take him back. I'll bring Nettlebreeze and Frecklewish with me as well. If you agree."

Beetail nodded. "Very well. The rest of us will stay to mark the border. Keeping Appledusk was Oakstar's decision before we arrived, so there's no need to inform him. Just put him where he says."

Mapleshade looked over at Appledusk, who now had both Nettlebreeze and Frecklewish on either side of him. She led the three away from Sunningrocks and towards camp. She never imagined that they'd be keeping a prisoner, much less that prisoner being Appledusk. A sort of twisted satisfaction welled up from inside of her.

Mapleshade, as they walked, found herself wishing that she'd been able to fight Appledusk herself. After everything he'd done, she found her claws itching to strike him. She had to physically restrain herself from turning around and pouncing on him, tearing open his stomach, basking in his fear scent, ripping all the fur from his body. Instead, she bit her tongue hard as she could and scrunched up her muzzle.

They made it inside camp without issue. Oakstar padded up to them. "Leave him to me. Come along if you know what's best for you, Appledusk."

Appledusk bristled and bared his teeth, but did as he was told. The two brown toms entered the leader's den underneath Highrock.

Mapleshade turned to her Clanmates. "Let's get our wounds treated." In all honesty, the adrenaline that had kept her from feeling pain before had worn off and her wounds were painful.

Frecklewish nodded. "Good idea. Thank StarClan the apprentices weren't allowed to fight. I'd hate to see them have their wounds treated so young."

As the three approached the medicine den, Nettlebreeze spoke up to mew, "Sweetpaw did."

"Not the little ones," the speckled she-cat sighed, rolling her eyes. She wore a light smile, signifying that she was only joking in her exasperation.

Mapleshade ignored them. Her teeth were clenched inside of her closed muzzle, and her narrowed eyes were focused solely on the den ahead. She was too wrapped up in bloodthirsty, vengeful thoughts to contribute to the banter. They made it inside, and she sat silently with her tail curled around her paws.

Patchpaw approached her, a wad of cobweb in his mouth. He pressed it to her fur in several places. He asked her something, but it was muffled. She simply made a questioning hum. When he was finished and he'd sat the now maroon lump aside, he repeated himself.

"Where are the others?"

"Marking the border," replied Mapleshade. "What we were supposed to be doing. But Appledusk just had to intervene and make everything so much harder than it needed to be."

"Well, I'm glad you're okay," he told her.

"Patchpaw, come treat Frecklewish," ordered Ravenwing. "I'll take care of Mapleshade."

Patchpaw seemed confused, but nodded affirmatively anyway. He quickly went over to the warrior while his mentor approached his mother. While Ravenwing applied the poultice to her wounds with a forepaw, he spoke to her.

"So it wasn't awkward escorting him here?" he asked casually.

Mapleshade narrowed her eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"Appledusk. You weren't uncomfortable having to bring him here? Even with two others, it must've been painful to see him."

Mapleshade began realizing what he meant. He was implying that he knew. She kept her calm as she answered, "I don't see why it would be. I'm upset at him for attacking my Clanmates, but I have nothing personal with him. I hardly even know him."

This response seemed to upset Ravenwing, but the tom kept his composure as he silently finished treating her. "You're good to go," he told her, moving onto Nettlebreeze.

Mapleshade looked after him, pondering for a heartbeat, before exiting the den. She looked around camp, then decided she'd relax. She'd already been on two patrols and a walk, so she hadn't yet gotten a break. She grabbed a squirrel from the fresh-kill pile and tucked in hungrily, near the center of camp.

Nettlebreeze soon joined her, carrying a shrew for himself. He motioned with his muzzle to the spot next to her. "May I sit here?" he asked, his voice slightly muffled by his prey.

Mapleshade nodded wordlessly, chewing a bite of squirrel.

He sat and began eating as well. There was silence for a while before he eventually meowed, "That was a tough battle, eh?"

Mapleshade shrugged nonchalantly. "I guess." She took another bite.

Nettlebreeze seemed to notice that she didn't have much interest in conversation, so he was silent for a while longer as they ate. After she finished her meal, he spoke up, "Hey, would you want to go hunting with me?"

Mapleshade looked up from cleaning her whiskers. "I don't know. We aren't set on the dusk patrol, are we?"

"Guess not," mewed Nettlebreeze. Both cats knew that the dusk hunting patrol was decided at sunhigh, which had long passed. "But hey, we could still go!" he added eagerly.

"No, d'rather not," Mapleshade told him. "I've been on my paws all day already. Maybe around dusk I'll go hunting, but I'd rather go alone."

Nettlebreeze looked hurt. "Okay. I'll go see if Petalpaw is available for training then. See you later." He gulped down the rest of his meal and got to his paws, then walked away.

Mapleshade watched him go, ignoring her guilt at harshly rejecting him. Oh well. He'd have to deal. She looked to the medicine den and remembered Ravenwing. How had he known? Had he followed her to the meetings they had? She had to ask him, but not now.

Suddenly, the other five cats they left at Sunningrocks entered. They all appeared much more battered than when she'd last saw them. This led her to quickly come to the conclusion that RiverClan had sent another patrol down to continue the fight. She just had to know which side was victorious, so she rose to her paws and headed over. The cats currently in camp were already doing the same, including Oakstar.

"What happened?" he asked Beetail.

Beetail shook his thick pelt, which was covered in red, angry wounds. "RiverClan sent reinforcements as we were marking the proper border. We finished after the second battle. No one died on either side, and we keep Sunningrocks. Darkstar will think twice before trying again."

Oakstar grinned widely like an apprentice at his loyal deputy's report. "Good. Very good work, all of you!" He spoke to the gathered crowd now. "Appledusk is secure here. If they want their warrior, they'll have to come here. We'll heal quickly so that we can ambush them. We'll all launch from the dens and attack. If possible, we'll disable Appledusk during it somehow so that he can't escape."

"Oakstar, that's too harsh," Nettlebreeze spoke up from where he stood by Petalpaw. "We defeated them at Sunningrocks. There's no reason to harm them further unless they strike first."

"Hold your tongue," ordered Oakstar. "They tried stealing from us, and they took my son from me moons ago. They deserve everything they've gotten and more. You'll take part in battle, or you'll face punishment."

Nettlebreeze fell silent, lowering his head. It looked as if he were just barely containing his protests. His claws dug deep into the ground, and the fur on his scruff stood up with distress. Frecklewish nearby seemed sympathetic to him judging by her gaze, but it was clear that she'd side with her father. She had lost her brother to RiverClan, and she surely wouldn't hesitate in attacking them again.

Mapleshade was just as eager to fight. "I'll guard Appledusk during the ambush," she offered. "I'll attack him if I have to."

"Thank you for the offer, Mapleshade," meowed Oakstar. "I'll discuss everything with Beetail and get back to you."

She raised her chin. "Of course."

The crowd split up after the leader went into the medicine den with the patrol, likely to speak with Beetail while he got his wounds treated. Mapleshade stood in the center of camp, thinking, until Larchpaw approached her.

"Hey, Frecklewish told me to ask if you'd like to oversee my training session," he meowed. "It's fighting. I've only learned a little, so I'm probably not very good."

"Oh, don't talk like that," Mapleshade told him. "I'm sure you're great! Of course I'll come."

Larchpaw brightened. "Okay! We're going to the sandy hollow."

Mapleshade followed her son to Frecklewish by the entrance. "I know. Are you excited?"

Larchpaw nodded. Frecklewish mewed a greeting to Mapleshade before leading them out. The speckled warrior fell back to walk alongside her. Larchpaw fell back as well, remaining behind his mentor. The move seemed to startle him a little.

"Mistpelt told me about you and Nettlebreeze," she meowed teasingly.

Mapleshade bristled defensively. "Well, whatever she said is wrong!"

Frecklewish rolled her eyes with a light smile. "I'm just kidding. Lay back, Mapleshade. You're so tense."

Mapleshade flattened her pelt and realized that her friend was right. "Sorry. Just kinda off, you know?"

Frecklewish nodded understandingly. "I have days like that."

Mapleshade mimicked her nod without realizing. _Except for me, it's daily._ "What move have you been teaching him?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, not moves yet," mewed Frecklewish. "Poor guy kept losing his form when I tried sparring with him to see how much he knew from play-fighting as a kit. We're practicing stances for now. Remember, this is only his third session."

Larchpaw moved to walk next to Mapleshade. He was so close that he brushed lightly against her fluffy flank. "I'll do really good!"

Mapleshade smiled at him. "It's okay to be bad at something. Every warrior starts out as an apprentice. Even Oakstar! I'm sure it'll be no time before you're the Clan's best fighter."

Larchpaw seemed a little reassured by her encouragement, but still unsure. Before he could say anything in response, they made it to the sandy hollow. He separated from his mother and stepped onto the pale sand with Frecklewish. Mapleshade sat on the side, her head held high to watch.

Time passed slowly as Frecklewish walked Larchpaw through a basic stance. He kept showing his lack of confidence by lowering his muzzle or bristling slightly. When Frecklewish tried showing him that he would have to constantly shift stances in order to both attack and defend effectively, he fell over with the effort of trying to stiffly maintain the same form while lashing at the air.

Frecklewish remained calm and encouraging, but Mapleshade could tell that she was getting slightly impatient. "I need to go make dirt," mewed Larchpaw in the middle of one of her explanations.

Frecklewish looked up at the sky. "Hurry then. It isn't long before we have to go back."

After Larchpaw was gone, Frecklewish sighed and walked over to sit beside Mapleshade. "I love him, but it's so tiring having to teach him. Sometimes I wonder if Oakstar made the wrong decision giving him to me."

"I'm sure you'll do fine," meowed Mapleshade with a shrug. "He just doesn't have confidence."

Frecklewish stretched her forelegs out. "He's just so clumsy. And very weird too. Remember how it was pretty hot a few days ago? He took a dip in the river and just said he wanted to cool down. It was surprising how well he swam. If I didn't know he was ThunderClan, I'd mistake him for a RiverClanner!"

Mapleshade stiffened, but played it off with a fake laugh. "He's an odd one! Guess that's why I love him so much. It's just a sign of how good a warrior he'll be."

"You think so?" her Clanmate asked with uncertainty. She thought for a moment. "You know what? You're right. If he's so swift in water, then just imagine how great he'll be on land!"

They chatted for a short while longer. Mapleshade stopped mid-sentence. "Is he usually gone for this long?"

Frecklewish looked as if she'd just remembered that she was currently in the middle of a training session. "No, he isn't. I'm gonna go look for him."

Mapleshade got to her paws as well and silently followed at her side. They followed his scent, and found that he had indeed made dirt in a bush. However, his scent went on past it and in the direction of Sunningrocks. The calico warrior already saw what was coming next. When they walked some more, they began to hear Larchpaw's voice… and a second one. A foreign one.

They broke through the trees and stepped onto Sunningrocks, only to see Larchpaw and a sleek-furred she-cat sitting on the ThunderClan and RiverClan sides of the border respectively. They silently padded up, but the she-cat's dark eyes saw them and hissed. Larchpaw turned and jumped with surprise. He slipped, falling into the river.

"Larchpaw!" cried Mapleshade. She almost jumped in after him, but he surfaced with no problem and heaved himself onto land again.

As he was shaking his pelt free of water, Frecklewish hissed, "What are you doing? We're training right now!"

Mapleshade pitched in with, "And why are you talking to a RiverClanner?"

"Mind your own business!" the she-cat on the other side of the river growled.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"Sunpaw." The apprentice's bright golden-and-white tabby fur spoke for itself.

"Well, Sunpaw, Larchpaw isn't interested in friendship," Mapleshade told her angrily. "He has his Clanmates, who he can actually trust. Stick to your own overfed denmates. We don't need any worthless half-Clan kits running around!"

Both apprentices looked surprised and taken off-guard by the outburst. Sunpaw quickly recovered her composure to mew, "Well, it's not like I wanted to be his mate. We're just friends. I swear on StarClan, every adult thinks that a tom and a she-cat being nice to each other means that they like each other!" She rolled her eyes.

"Still, even friendship can be harmful," Frecklewish spoke up. "You two will inevitably meet in battle one day. And then what? You'll have such a liking, if platonic, for him that you'll find it hard to fight."

Sunpaw shrugged. "No, I won't. I'll fight him if I have to. It seems that you ThunderClanners are so sensitive that you can't split a friendship with someone if you need to."

Frecklewish shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Stick to RiverClan. We don't need any drama that may come from this."

Sunpaw looked at Larchpaw, who had shrunk down as far as he could by this point. "See you, Fishstorm." She smiled and ran off back further into her own territory.

"Does she not even know your name?" Mapleshade huffed.

"No, she does," Larchpaw quietly mewed. "She just likes calling me that, 'cause the storm part is because of ThunderClan and… the fish part is…"

Mapleshade lifted a brow. "Because of RiverClan?"

He shook his head. "'Cause I like to fish… kinda… she's been teaching me how to. That's what we were doing when you, um… interrupted..." He was trembling with nervousness at this point. He seemed certain that he would be punished.

Mapleshade suddenly felt guilty. It really did seem like just a simple friendship. And as long as they didn't take it too far, surely it wasn't harmful? Taking a look at her son's fear of being ridiculed and lectured made her realize how much she'd overreacted.

She sighed, "You really shouldn't be fishing. RiverClan will get upset if they find out you're stealing prey."

"I swear I'm not!" Larchpaw told her. "I've only caught fish a few times, but when I do I just let it go without killing it. That's why Sunpaw lets me. 'Cause I don't do it for food. I just think it's fun. Is that bad?"

Mapleshade looked sideways at Frecklewish. "No, but you should really be focusing more on your ThunderClan training. You haven't caught prey, but you've caught fish?"

Larchpaw lowered his head. "I'm real sorry. I promise I'll stop."

Frecklewish nodded approvingly. "Good. Now let's go back to camp. It's late enough."

While they went back, Mapleshade thought. She had been so worried that his RiverClan heritage would expose her. But was that really what had made her so angry? No. She was afraid that he would repeat her own mistake.


	15. Rewrite Chapter 3

**heres a short one yall. this will probably be the only larchpaw pov in this fic so savor these puny 1700 words.**

Larchpaw looked all around him. ThunderClan had been the first to arrive to Fourtrees, so his chosen Clanmates were the only cats he saw. Many of them still wore wounds from the battles the day prior. He wanted to tell them all that RiverClan wasn't as bad as they thought, but he couldn't without being dubbed a traitor. He sighed sadly.

"What's wrong?" asked Frecklewish. "I thought you'd be excited for your first Gathering."

He looked up at the bright moon, full as a kittypet in leaf-bare. "I miss Mapleshade," he replied, not stating the actual reason. It was true: his mother wasn't chosen to come to this Gathering.

Frecklewish offered a smile. "Cheer up! You can tell her all about it tomorrow. I'll be here with you at least."

Larchpaw returned it. "Thanks. Which Clan do you think will come next?"

Frecklewish looked in one direction. "RiverClan."

She seemed to be right, as RiverClan's group emerged from their territory almost immediately afterward. Larchpaw scanned them excitedly. Yes, there she was! Sunpaw stood beside her mentor, looking bored. He turned his head up to Frecklewish, who seemed able to tell.

"I suppose, since it's a Gathering," she mewed, giving her reluctant permission.

Due to the recent Sunningrocks battle, the ThunderClan and RiverClan cats kept to their own groups. However, apprentices seemed immune to this tension. Petalpaw boldly introduced herself to a silver she-cat, and Sweetpaw greeted a tom who seemed to be a familiar friend. Larchpaw himself ran to Sunpaw, who was already heading towards him.

"Nice to see you," he meowed.

"You too," she returned. "Hey, I want you to meet someone." She turned to the tom that Sweetpaw was talking to a distance away and mewed out wordlessly.

He and Sweetpaw padded over. "Hello," the tom greeted. "My name is Snowpaw."

Larchpaw nodded. "I'm Larchpaw."

"Seems like you're making friends," Sweetpaw commented teasingly.

"I just thought it'd be appropriate that Larchpaw meet my littermate," meowed Sunpaw. "You were in the Sunningrocks battle, right?"

Sweetpaw nodded. "I fought against Snowpaw. He was good!"

Snowpaw lifted his white chin. "You were as well. You seemed so weak at Gatherings that I thought you'd be an easy opponent. I was wrong. Who mentors you?"

"Mistpelt."

"Spiketail mentors me," the tom meowed. "I guess I'm so good 'cause he's the deputy."

"You should teach me that move you used," mewed Sweetpaw. It didn't seem like she had to elaborate.

"Sure. Maybe some other time, though."

"Good point. Mistpelt will claw my ears off if I spend too much time talking to a RiverClanner. See you later."

Sweetpaw padded off to talk to a WindClan apprentice, just as they began to settle. ShadowClan hadn't arrived yet. Larchpaw decided to speak up and talk to the older apprentice he'd just been introduced to.

"Has Sunpaw said anything about me?" he asked.

Snowpaw nodded. "You sound like more of a RiverClanner than a ThunderClanner, if I'm being honest. I have some stuff I could teach you. How about tomorrow at moonhigh?"

Larchpaw brightened. It didn't matter that it was a late time; anything to learn about fishing was worth it. "Sure!" he answered eagerly.

Before he got to say anything else, he heard a yowl from the Great Rock. He looked and saw all four leaders. ShadowClan must've just arrived. He sat where he was, beside the two littermates. His fur brushed against Sunpaw, and he felt his cheeks flush.

The rest of the Gathering was a blur, except saying goodbye to Snowpaw and Sunpaw. His paws tingled with anticipation for the meeting the next day.

* * *

Larchpaw lifted his head up. He'd allowed himself some sleep, but he kept waking up to make sure he wouldn't be late. He climbed out of the den, stepping over Petalpaw, and looked up at the sky to see the moon at its peak. He looked around. Camp was empty. He silently padded into the dirtplace.

Through there, he escaped camp. He ran quickly through the trees and undergrowth until he arrived at Sunningrocks. The stones had a bluish tint from the moonlight. On the opposite side of the river sat Sunpaw and Snowpaw. He padded over eagerly.

"Hey," he greeted them. "What are you teaching me?"

"Come on over to our side," meowed Snowpaw. "Swim over."

Larchpaw bristled with nervousness. "But that would be breaking the code. I can't trespass."

Sunpaw snorted. "We're giving you permission, fish-brain! It's fine."

Larchpaw considered it before tentatively stepping into the calm river. As soon as all four paws were in, he looked around wildly. He was almost surprised when no RiverClan warriors popped out of hiding to attack him. Somehow he felt plenty comfortable swimming in the river during the daytime, but the darkness made it feel much more prohibited.

Larchpaw climbed onto the land beside Snowpaw. He didn't bother shaking his pelt dry; he was too excited for what he would be taught. He gazed up at him, silently urging him to begin the lesson.

"Alright, let me see you catch a fish," the white tom ordered.

Larchpaw nodded and focused on the river. He sat in a way that he was prepared to strike, yet also in a position that refused his shadow access to the water. The fish would surely be asleep, but a small one swam through the water in front of him. He waited until the fish slowed and moved more predictably, then…

"Well done," Snowpaw praised him after witnessing him throw the fish into the air. It flopped in the grass, searching for water.

Sunpaw looked at Larchpaw expectantly. "Well? Are you going to finish it off?"

Larchpaw was surprised; were they allowing him to take RiverClan prey? He bent downward and delivered a killing bite to it. Its blood tasted the same as forest prey's did, but what of the flesh? He waited excitedly for permission to dig in, yet it never came.

"You hesitated a bit," Sunpaw pointed out. "As soon as you get it out of the water, you should kill it. You risked it escaping. We aren't savages; we don't play with our food."

"I didn't know that I would be allowed to kill it," murmured Larchpaw. "Any other time, you tell me to let it go."

"Well, how about you try it again then?" asked Snowpaw. "You're lucky that you're being given a second chance. In the meantime, give me your first catch."

Larchpaw pawed it over across the ground and refocused on the river. Just as he was about to swipe another fish out of the water, he heard someone whisper-shout his name. He jumped and stared across the river, only to see Mapleshade.

"What are you doing?!" his mother growled. "Get back over here this instant!"

Larchpaw felt his paws go numb with shame and embarrassment. He stumbled across the stepping stones, his mouth dry. He couldn't muster any words to say to her as he stood before her furious amber gaze.

"Well?" she hissed. "Care to explain what you're doing here with two _RiverClan_ apprentices?"

"Fish-fishing…" he stuttered nervously. "Mother, I'm so sorry. I…" He trailed off. Her visible disappointment was too much to bear. He averted his gaze to the ground.

"You promised that you wouldn't meet RiverClan cats anymore, and that you'd stop fishing," growled Mapleshade. "I'm very disappointed in you, Larchpaw. I thought I could count on you to keep your word."

"Chill out!" mewed Sunpaw. "He's just fishing. He's not even eating it."

"No, but he shouldn't be learning RiverClan skills when he has ThunderClan ones to practice," the calico warrior retorted. "He hasn't even caught prey yet! Why should I allow him to fish?"

Snowpaw swallowed the last bite of Larchpaw's fish. "Because it's fun."

"No, don't defend me," Larchpaw spoke up. "She's right. I shouldn't be here. It was just so fun to forget that I was ThunderClan and that…" He trailed off again while trying to justify his disloyalty.

Mapleshade shook her head. "Work comes first, then fun. No exceptions." She turned to the RiverClan apprentices. "And I better never see either one of you with my son again, or you can be sure your mentors will be made aware of this."

Sunpaw hissed, "Minnow-heart!"

Snowpaw got to his paws. "Let's go. I guess it was a mistake trying to befriend a ThunderClanner. They're all the same."

Sunpaw followed her brother away. Larchpaw felt a stab at his heart at Snowpaw's comment. He'd been meeting with Sunpaw for a while before being busted, and fishing with her had been the best time he'd ever had. He was sure that Snowpaw being added into the equation meant that he could learn even more about fishing.

But no. He'd been caught again, and they'd left him.

He turned to Mapleshade wordlessly. He wanted to get the scolding and lecturing done and over with so he could be back in his nest. However, she seemed surprisingly sympathetic. She shook her head, sighing.

"I know how bad it hurts," she meowed gently. "Just remember, though, that you'll be grateful I stopped this before it got out of paw."

Larchpaw stuck his head to her fluffy chest. He felt tears come to his eyes. "I just… I don't know what's wrong with me," he sniffed. "Why can't I be like Petalpaw and Sweetpaw? They don't want to fish. They wanna hunt and stuff. Why don't I want to do that?"

Mapleshade lowered her muzzle and nuzzled him. "I don't know… but you won't feel like this forever. It's just a phase."

They stayed like that for a while before Larchpaw pulled away. "I want to go home," he murmured.

"First, you have to promise me that you won't meet them again and that you won't fish or get into water again," she told him. "And this time, you can't break it."

Larchpaw nodded. "I promise. No more fishing or swimming or meeting them."

Mapleshade began walking in the direction of camp. "Come on then. Let's go."

Larchpaw followed silently at her side. When they arrived back, he stealthily climbed back into his nest and fell asleep almost instantly. Although he knew Mapleshade was right, he couldn't deny that he would miss pretending he was a RiverClan cat.


	16. Rewrite Chapter 4

"Larchfang, Petalwhisker!"

Mapleshade's chest swelled with pride as she sat, cheering her kits' new names with the Clan. Patchpaw, standing next to Ravenwing, also seemed proud of his littermates despite not getting his. Larchfang's stubby tail was wagging excitedly, as if he were a Twoleg's dog. Petalwhisker's ginger-dappled chin was raised, and she sported a happy grin.

"There's another announcement I must make," Oakstar meowed once the Clan quieted. "However, this one is less cheerful." At this, the Clan's celebration immediately gained a somber tone. "Darkstar and her Clan refuse to back down and stop going after Sunningrocks, so we will have to attack. However, we already know how our attempt to hold Appledusk hostage went; we'll have to make sure we come out victorious."

Mapleshade could recall the battle that occurred when they came to retrieve Appledusk a few moons before: no one had died on either side but a little tom named Toadpaw, who had been Appledusk's RiverClan son. Bloomheart, already old, had faced such severe wounds that he was forced to retire. However, now it was early newleaf and it was behind them. At least, until now.

"We will attack tonight at moonhigh," Oakstar continued. "We will coat ourselves in mud to cover our scents so that we make it to their camp safely. Everyone shall go except for Dawnfeather, the kits and elders, and our two new warriors. Ravenwing and Patchpaw shall come with their herbs and hide out in case anyone needs immediate treatment. Hopefully this battle discourages them from trying to reclaim Sunningrocks again."

Affirmative murmurs rippled through the crowd. Mapleshade felt her claws unsheathe excitedly at the thought of a battle; she enjoyed any chance she got to attack RiverClanners.

"Clan meeting dismissed. Get ready for the battle!" Oakstar jumped down from Highrock.

Mapleshade looked up at the sky. It was dusk, which meant there was still plenty of time. Maybe she could go hunting? She looked around for a hunting partner with the thought that Frecklewish would be good, yet she saw the speckled she-cat nowhere. She suddenly remembered that she'd been assigned the dusk hunting patrol. Sighing, she continued looking across camp.

"Hey!" Nettlebreeze greeted her, pouncing into view. "I gotta say, not being a mentor anymore is pretty saddening. It means I'll mostly hunt alone now. Care to join me so I won't have to?"

This had been going on for a while: Nettlebreeze constantly pestered her to hunt, or walk, or basically anything so long as it was only them two. Occasionally she'd accept and go with him, but she very simply didn't like his company. His crush on her was so apparent that even older cats like Beetail had jokingly mentioned it to her. _Then again, that's his father… must think it'd be good for me to take his son as a mate_ , she thought.

"I guess," she replied unenthusiastically.

Nettlebreeze's teal eyes brightened. "Great! Let's go."

Mapleshade walked alongside him out of camp. The ginger tom seemed lost in thought, as if he wanted to say something but just couldn't figure out what it was. It wasn't long before she got impatient and stopped. Surprised, he halted beside her. She whipped around to look at him.

"Look, kit," she growled. "If you want to say something to me, just spit it out!"

Nettlebreeze was taken off guard by her aggression. "I'm sorry," he mewed. "Mapleshade, I just… really like you, you know? I'd like to be your mate."

There it was: the confession. After moons of already knowing his feelings, Mapleshade finally heard it. For some reason that she couldn't find, this made her so angry. So furious! Who did he think he was, asking her to be his mate after facing the loss of her previous one? The last tom she loved had ended up being such a selfish, cowardly fox-heart. Why should she-!

Mapleshade's scowl dropped. That was it! She may not love Nettlebreeze, but maybe she… could? Potentially? He was so nice and caring, and she might even come to love his annoying attitude. And if she could love someone as horrible as Appledusk, she could love Nettlebreeze easily. Besides, she missed having a mate. It was one of the greatest feelings that she'd ever experienced. She nodded slowly.

"Alright, Nettlebreeze," Mapleshade meowed. "I'll be your mate."

Nettlebreeze's mouth opened wide. "You're joking," he breathed.

Mapleshade shook her head. "I accept your confession."

Nettlebreeze bared his teeth in a grin and embraced her in a nuzzle. Mapleshade faked happiness, but she felt nothing of the sort. Only hope. Hope that she would truly love him in time, and that she wouldn't regret this impulsive decision.

* * *

A quarter moon later, and Dawnfeather and Beetail's little daughters - and Nettlebreeze's sisters - became 'paws. The battle was a brutal tie - no losses or severe wounds on either side. No clear winner. Tensions only raised from the attempt.

Patchpaw became Patchberry. He was so physically incapable, so scrawny and weak and small, yet he was wise beyond his moons and caring beyond Clan boundaries. Larchfang remained acting suspicious, but Mapleshade still hadn't caught RiverClan scent on his brown coat since last she'd caught him. Petalwhisker seemed to be bonding with a golden-furred senior warrior named Yarrowclaw, which concerned her mother due to the age gap.

In more significant news, Mapleshade had found that everyone had suddenly become aware that she'd taken a new mate. It was uncomfortable with all eyes on the pair, so she forced the affection to be completely private. This helped some, but she still wished that Nettlebreeze hadn't told every cat he could think of the moment his confession had been accepted.

During this particular sunhigh, Mapleshade and Nettlebreeze had just gotten off a hunting patrol and were sharing a gray squirrel.

"Nettlebreeze, I told you yesterday," she sighed. "No! I'm just not ready yet."

"But kits would be such a great pawstep forward!" Nettlebreeze insisted. "Come on, think it over."

"Shove off, ya ginger weasel," Frecklewish, who had been on the ShadowClan border patrol, huffed as she took a seat next to the calico. She sat her mouse down. "She just got done raising kits! You were Petalwhisker's mentor; you should know how hard raising a kit can be."

"Petalwhisker wasn't as kittish as she appeared to be," the tabby argued. "She was actually quite mature! And I guess you're right. I shouldn't pressure Mapleshade to do what I want."

"Yes, thank you," Mapleshade meowed. "We should both want it, and I just don't at the moment. My current three are good enough for the time being."

"You know, I think it's ridiculous that you didn't get one of Dawnfeather's kits as an apprentice," Frecklewish mewed. "I brought it up with my father, but he insisted you'll get one of the next ones. I can't believe he gave one to Sweetbriar, a new warrior!" She shook her head. "I love Oakstar, but I can't believe him sometimes."

"You haven't seen how he's been eyeing Sweetbriar?" Nettlebreeze commented. "He's got the hots for her. Probably why she got an apprentice at the beginning of her warriorhood."

"That's disgusting," Mapleshade snorted. "She's so young! Just like that daughter of mine shouldn't be spending time with a tom old enough to be my own father."

"So you noticed too," Frecklewish meowed. "I tried telling her off, but she listened just as well as Larchfang did when I told _him_ off the other night."

Mapleshade's ears perked. "What do you mean?"

Nettlebreeze got to his paws. "I have to make dirt. Besides, I can respect the privacy of mother and mentor concerning a young cat."

After he left, Frecklewish went on, "He's still seeing that RiverClan she-cat! Who's now a warrior, might I add, by the name of Suncloud. She and another cat, Snowstorm, have apparently been meeting him for a while now. And when I interrupted their meeting, it seemed like one of them had fallen for the poor kit."

Mapleshade stiffened. "You're not saying he's actually taken a RiverClan mate, have you?"

Frecklewish sighed sadly. "I can't bring myself to rat him out, even though it's best for him. It would hurt too much."

Mapleshade took a deep breath. "This is okay. It'll be okay!"

Frecklewish got closer to Mapleshade. "I'm so afraid for him. I tried warning him that it wouldn't end well, but he wouldn't listen. He kept insisting that it was 'true love' and that nothing about it could hurt others."

Mapleshade dug her claws into the dirt. _Next time I see that rotten Suncloud, I'm going to kill her._


	17. Rewrite Chapter 5

"Mapleshade, I need to tell you something," Larchfang mewed.

Mapleshade innocently looked up from her grooming. She already knew of his little forbidden romance from the day before, and that was what she expected him to tell her when she replied with, "Go on…"

She seemed to be right, as he told her right after her mew, "Well, I uh…" He lowered his voice. "I like this cat. What should I do?"

"Who is she?" Mapleshade asked him.

Larchfang's ears lowered briefly, and disappointment glimmered in his eyes shortly before he regained his composure. "Uh… it's… it's a secret! Mother, I just need advice. What do I do?"

"Well, that's simple: tell her," the calico warrior responded. "Be confident! Raise your chin, square your shoulders. You'll do fine. If you're anything like your father, you'll reel in the mollies."

She choked when she said this, yet it was true: Appledusk had been so cleverly charming and seductive that he'd managed to capture her heart for a long time, although he only wanted it for a short period while he was bored.

Larchfang smiled a little. "You think Birchface approves?"

"Why wouldn't he?" Mapleshade murmured, scratching behind her ear with a hind foot.

Larchfang seemed to realize that he was discussing an enemy warrior with someone he believed wasn't aware, as he meowed, "Right, yeah! It's just that I'm so young, you know?" He chuckled a bit to cover his embarrassment.

Mapleshade sighed, "Look, Larchfang. Enough is enough. I know you're running around with Suncloud. Frecklewish told me."

Larchfang jumped. "I know you must be so disappointed in me, but it's true love! And it's not Sun-"

"I don't care who it is. All I care about is that you stop immediately, else I'll have to report you to Oakstar. I don't want you turning traitor. Not my son!" She bared her teeth angrily.

Larchfang's pale eyes were wide, and his mouth open. Inside his tongue was raised, showing he wanted to protest, but his eyes gained a shimmer. He shut and reopened them to reveal tears. He sniffed as he walked away, his head lowered. He brushed through camp entrance, passing by Yarrowclaw and Petalwhisker coming in. The bicolored tabby she-cat left her companion to run to Mapleshade.

"What's wrong with him?" Petalwhisker asked, concern in her tone.

Mapleshade shook her head. "He wants to make a bad decision, and I won't let him. Ask him yourself if you want to know more. It's not my place to tell you."

Petalwhisker looked back at the entrance. "I'd rather not. Seems like he could use his space. I'll talk to him later." She returned to Yarrowclaw, and the pair headed to the fresh-kill pile.

Mapleshade left camp right afterward. She didn't know where she was going, but she soon found herself standing on Sunningrocks. Her gaze was directed towards a thrush right on RiverClan's border. Her mind wandered. Then she was crying. She was hunched over on the stone, her mouth open, tears wetting her fur.

She couldn't let Larchfang, her precious son, make the same mistake she did. Integrating with a RiverClanner almost ruined everything, and most likely would've had she not been more careful. It caused nothing but heartbreak and deceit. She had felt torn between a Clan that she called home, and one that she didn't want to harm despite being one of its natural enemies.

Mapleshade didn't feel like this anymore - oh, definitely not! But she did once upon a time, and she didn't want Larchfang to suffer what she has. However, it seemed there was no way to convince him other than threats. Yet her question to herself remained to be, would she follow through with them if she had to? She had no answer. She didn't _want_ to answer. She would hate most of all for her son to be exiled, but she would also despise the thought of him breaking the code. If she had to make a choice, she wasn't sure what it would be.

Mapleshade looked up to see a RiverClan tom staring back at her from over the border. She wiped her tears away with a forepaw and stood tall. "What do you want?" she growled.

The white tom held something - concern? - in his dark eyes. "I heard crying," he meowed in his young voice. "What…" He hesitated. "What's wrong?"

"None of your business, fish-filth!" Mapleshade snapped.

The warrior bared his teeth, but seemed to remember something and quickly grew calm once again. "You're Mapleshade, aren't you?"

Mapleshade paused, taken off-guard. "How do you know me?" she hissed.

The tom smiled gently. "I'm Snowstorm. Frecklewish has caught us, so I'm sure she's already informed you?"

Mapleshade's surprised expression fell off, only to pave the way for a truly angry one. "I hate you _and_ your fox-hearted friend, Suncloud. You ruined my son!"

"She's my sister," Snowstorm corrected her. "And no, we didn't ruin him. We simply helped him to discover his true self." He seemed like he wanted to say more, but he finished with, "I have to go now. I hope you stop crying soon." With a stiff nod, he turned and ventured deeper into his territory.

Mapleshade huffed and made a quick decision: she would hunt Larchfang down and speak with him. She captured her son's scent by camp entrance and trailed it to Tallpines. She began stepping silently, as if she were hunting, when she heard talking. Yet when she got close enough to see the brown tom, he was alone. He sat, his head facing downward.

"StarClan, I pray to you," Larchfang mewed. "I beg! You talk to Patchberry, so you can talk to me. I want to be pure. I don't want to feel how I do. Being in love with a RiverClan warrior is against the code. StarClan, please take these feelings away. I don't…" He took a great pause, and his voice was choked with sobs as he shouted the next words, "I don't want to feel like this anymore!"

Mapleshade couldn't bring herself to confront him now, not when she'd made him feel so ashamed of something he couldn't help. How could she do this to him?

"And 'she'... Mother said 'she'!" Larchfang cried. "It's only a double layer of awfulness now!" He was blubbering now, having completely lost control of his emotions. His claws grasped at the grass as he stretched across the ground, shoving his muzzle into the dirt in a feral attempt to silence his feelings.

Mapleshade slowly crept away. She would talk to Larchfang when he returned to camp, whenever that might be. Petalwhisker was right: he needed his space.

* * *

Mapleshade lay, sharing tongues with Nettlebreeze. It still felt empty and without the love she'd experienced with Appledusk, even if he'd faked it. On a more important note, Larchfang made his way through camp entrance. He had done a good job cleaning himself up; you couldn't even tell he'd been crying. The calico got up and left her mate with an apology before approaching her son.

"Somewhere more private," Larchfang murmured, sensing she wanted to talk.

Once they were somewhere out in the forest, she began speaking, "Look, Larchfang. I'm-"

"You were right," Larchfang interrupted. "I shouldn't be breaking the code. I've spoken with my mate, and I've decided that…" His eyes shone. "...that I'll be leaving ThunderClan so we can be together. I'll train to be a RiverClan warrior, so long as Darkstar accepts me."

Mapleshade's heart dropped. "No. No, you can't! You'll have to fight against us. What will you do then?"

"I'll fight you," Larchfang replied sadly. "I'm sorry, but I love my mate _and_ the life of a RiverClanner so much that I can't stay here anymore. It hurts too badly."

Mapleshade enveloped Larchfang in a nuzzling embrace as both cats began to cry. They stayed like that for a very long time, enjoying what was likely their final moments together as fellow ThunderClan warriors. Soon, however, they pulled apart.

"Will you tell Petalwhisker and Patchberry for me?" Larchfang requested. "And Frecklewish too. I want to, but I can't bring myself to see their disappointment."

Mapleshade nodded slowly. "Is your she-cat waiting for you at the border?" she asked gently. "Let me walk you there."

Larchfang flinched. "Yeah, but…" He sighed. "No, it's fine. Alright, let's go then."

Mapleshade pressed against her son's side as they made their way to Sunningrocks. When they made it there, she locked eyes with both Suncloud and Snowstorm. _Seems he lied about her not being his mate, but I can't blame him_ , she thought as he waded through the water to get to them. _I wouldn't really accept…_

Suncloud nuzzled Larchfang. Right after, Snowstorm wrapped his entire body around the former ThunderClanner. He licked Larchfang's cheek and bared his teeth in a wide grin. Larchfang returned the favor by burying his muzzle in his fluffy neck fur and licking there. Then they parted, and Larchfang looked back at his mother. Mapleshade suddenly understood part of his shame: Suncloud was simply a friend. Snowstorm was much more.

The three began walking further into RiverClan territory, but Snowstorm paused and looked back at her. "I'll take care of him. Perchfoot was my mentor, and his was Appledusk; with ties like that, I can ensure a place for Larchfang in RiverClan."

Mapleshade held back cringe at the name drop, but she nodded anyway. "Thank you. Darkstar and her cats can be cruel; don't let him get hurt in any form."

Snowstorm smiled a little. "I wouldn't. Not for anything." He turned his head and followed his sister and mate.

Mapleshade let tears that she'd been holding back finally fall. She would miss Larchfang so much, and it already hurt knowing that he had walked out of her life. However, these were also tears of joy; at least unlike her, he had a truly caring mate that would do anything to love and support him. And with that thought, she had to do the same. She had to accept his wishes and send him away, sacrificing any close relationship in order for him to truly be himself.

And though it would hurt more than anything else, Mapleshade was happy for him.


	18. Rewrite Chapter 6

Mapleshade stepped in the soft grass. Paw after paw, paw after paw. Yarrowclaw had asked her on a walk, which so far was painfully boring. He'd remained silent and in thought. She decided to get to the point of his request.

"So you have something to say, or was this just for fun?" Mapleshade asked bluntly. "We both have duties we need to tend to, Yarrowclaw. I'm supposed to lead the RiverClan border patrol at dusk."

"Yes, I know," Yarrowclaw told her. "And I do have something to say. I'm sure Petalwhisker has already informed you that we're mates?"

"Right after Larchfang left, yes." That was a moon and a half ago.

"Well, we tried for kits when we declared ourselves mates at that point in time. I'm sure that you can already tell she's expecting. She plans to move into the nursery first thing tomorrow."

"She should've been in there a half moon ago," Mapleshade growled. "She's been a warrior for too long already! She could damage the kits with her duties."

"You know her," Yarrowclaw sighed. "Too proud and stubborn to give up her work. She loves her role as a warrior."

"I'm aware," the calico hissed. "I know my own daughter, Yarrowclaw. Speaking of which, _she_ should be telling me this - not you."

"She's moody," the golden tom huffed. "She's in no mood to speak. That's why I ordered her to the nursery tomorrow. Her hormones are starting up. Making her all aggressive and such. Can't she just repress it?"

Mapleshade moved in front of him and halted, making him stop as well. She forced cold eye contact as she unsheathed her claws and growled, "No, she can't. The aggressiveness is there to keep cats like _you_ away from innocent, defenseless kits. She's your mate! You shouldn't talk about her that way."

"I speak about _whoever_ I want _however_ I want," Yarrowclaw retorted cooly. "Especially a simple she-cat. She doesn't matter. She gives me kits. That's it."

Mapleshade's amber eyes widened. "You fox-heart…!"

With that, she jumped on top of him and began striking. Although he retaliated, it was undeniable that they were both excellent fighters and were practically equals regarding skill and strength. She pinned him and got some good hits in on his face and soft belly, while he got her hind leg and chomped down as hard as he could. She had a limp, he had a temporary blind eye.

They fought for a very long time, well past dusk. They would lay and breathe and rest for a while, and then get at it for a few brief moments again. Mapleshade was fueled by rage and bloodthirst. She couldn't rest until he was dead. He _had_ to die! Disrespecting and objectifying her daughter was a crime worthy of death in her eyes. The only thing stopping her was exhaustion. She had already taken two patrols and hunted solo, so she was completely rid of energy to fight. Yet she kept going, for as long as the short breaks allowed her to.

During about the dozenth time they fought, they were interrupted by a startled looking Patchberry. He dropped his mouthful of herbs and ran in between them, shouting, "Dear StarClan, separate!"

Mapleshade breathed heavily. "Move, son. He has treated your sister horribly!"

Patchberry locked his gentle green eyes with her amber. "You're overreacting. Unless he's murdered Petalwhisker, there's no reason to fight a Clanmate!" He looked thoughtful for a moment. "You were supposed to lead a patrol at dusk. They had to leave without you."

Mapleshade lashed her tail. "Great. Wonderful. Now look what you've done, Yarrowclaw; you've made me forget!"

"You did this to yourself, Mapleshade!" Yarrowclaw growled. "I've only been defending myself from your assault."

"You both need to be treated," Patchberry meowed. "Lucky for you, neither of us are busy. Come on!" He picked up his herbs again and nudged them with his muzzle.

Soon enough, they were sitting on the floor of the medicine den. Ravenwing was looking over them while Patchberry was hidden, storing herbs away. "I can't believe it!" the black tom murmured, shaking his head. "Clanmates fighting over what, a simple insult? Pah!"

"If he would've insulted Patchberry, would you be as dismissive?" Mapleshade asked angrily.

"Yes, but I would definitely be upset," Ravenwing replied. "You two just sit right there. We'll treat you before long. Patchberry, stop what you're doing and come take care of Yarrowclaw."

"Alright." The lean calico emerged from the herb store a moment later, bundles of cobweb on his pelt and herbs in his mouth. He tossed the herbs to the ground and began applying the cobweb to Yarrowclaw's wounds.

Ravenwing did the same, but to Mapleshade. "Any fatal wounds?" he asked his former apprentice.

"No, but he has a bad eye injury. Sight should be fine, though. It's only the lid. Might be left with a scar." A pause. "And for Mapleshade?"

"I'm fine!" Mapleshade huffed, flinching each time a bundle touched her wounds. "Just upset."

"That's your own problem," she heard Yarrowclaw mutter.

Mapleshade was hardly able to hold back a retort, but she managed; her aggression had worn away and left her even more tired than before. She sat perfectly still as Ravenwing chewed a poultice from some of the herbs and stuck it to her wounds using the cobweb. It stung, but she was strong enough to handle pain. Before long, she was up and ready to go.

"You two, only light duties tomorrow," Ravenwing ordered. "And come back for a fresh poultice! Yarrowclaw, I'm gonna want to watch your eye for at least a quarter moon."

"Yes, Ravenwing," Yarrowclaw mewed respectfully. "I'm sure it's fine, though."

"Medicine cat's orders," Ravenwing insisted. "You can never be too safe. Now run on along! Patchberry and I still have to finish putting away the herbs he gathered."

"See you, Mapleshade!" Patchberry meowed to her as she turned and left. She returned the goodbye without looking back.

"Mapleshade!" a voice called from beside Highrock when she left the medicine den. She flinched and looked over to see Oakstar sat by his den. "Come over here."

Mapleshade padded to him. "Yes, Oakstar?"

"I saw you and Yarrowclaw come in with Patchberry," Oakstar meowed. "Why were you two fighting?" When she opened her mouth to speak, he added, "Sit! There's no reason to be formal. Take a seat before you talk."

Mapleshade obliged and sat, her tail curled around her paws. "He insulted Petalwhisker. Acted like she was nothing but a kit-giver. It hurts me to hear my daughter objectified like that. I'm sure if you heard Frecklewish's mate speak about her like he talked about Petalwhisker, you'd be just as upset."

Oakstar nodded thoughtfully. "Indeed I would. However, we cannot have in-fighting. It makes us appear weak to other Clans, especially selfish and greedy ones like Darkstar's. Besides, it caused you to miss a dusk patrol. This isn't a light matter. Consider my words to you your only warning, else I will give you a true punishment if it occurs again."

"Of course," Mapleshade murmured. "Yes. I just hope you at least understand where I'm coming from."

"I do. In fact, I'll have a talk with Yarrowclaw tomorrow. He has no right to speak like that about a she-cat he's supposed to love. While it's not against the code or any rules, I still disapprove of it. I'll warn him to keep it to himself from now on. Does this sound good to you?"

While Mapleshade wished he'd stop having said feelings altogether, she nodded anyway. "It's good enough."

"Good. Then please leave me be. I'm sure you'll want to get some rest. Night has arrived."

"Not really," Mapleshade admitted. "I'm so tired, but not sleep tired. You know?"

"I understand your feelings well," Oakstar told her. "If you plan on leaving camp, don't stay out for too long. Goodnight." He left her side and pushed his way into his den underneath Highrock.

Mapleshade remained there for a very long time. She watched Deerpaw run to the dirtplace multiple times just to stay awake, and she eventually even had to warn her off to bed for good. It seemed to work, as she saw no one else wander through camp. She knew Mistpelt was sitting guard right outside of the entrance, but she didn't feel like talking to another cat. She simply sat. Perfectly still and silent. She stared at Silverpelt, admiring her ancestors.

Mapleshade felt an angry calmness in her, like a badger only a whisker away from awakening and letting its fury out on any nearby creatures. It consumed her entirely. The longer she sat, the stronger her feelings grew. Soon the sun rose, and yet she didn't move. Beetail emerged from the warriors' den and approached her.

"Great StarClan, have you been out all night?" he asked her. "Go to sleep, Mapleshade! I'll wake you up halfway to sunhigh. You can lead a patrol not long after to make up for last night. How does hunting sound?"

Mapleshade only stiffly nodded.

"Good. Well, off you go!"

His nudge made her finally stand. Her legs were numb and asleep from the stillness, and she stumbled before finally gaining uncertain balance. She padded slowly into the den, and she climbed into her warm nest halfway to the center where Beetail's was. Her cheek rested on robin and sparrow feathers that she'd stuffed into the moss moons before. Her anger stirred, yet she no longer had the will or energy to sustain it any longer.

Mapleshade's wounds stung. She shook her head sadly. She just couldn't help herself; Yarrowclaw had reminded her too much of Appledusk.


	19. Rewrite Chapter 7

"So what do you think?" Petalwhisker asked after swallowing a bite of squirrel.

Mapleshade was sharing said squirrel with her daughter after bringing it back from the sunhigh hunting patrol. "I don't know…" she murmured. "Deciding kit names should be left to after they're born. Redkit _is_ pretty good, though."

"Maybe something more… you know…" Petalwhisker shook her head with frustration. "Agh! I can't express it right! Redkit is just so small of a name. It feels weird."

"You don't have to decide right now," Mapleshade reminded her. "And I actually wanted to ask you something about the kits. Well, and Yarrowclaw."

Petalwhisker's dappled ears perked. "What?"

"Is all of this because of… er… what happened with your brother?" Mapleshade asked delicately. "You're an impulsive cat, whether you want to admit it or not. Right after Larchfang left, you took a mate after hardly knowing him. Not only that, but you tried for kits then as well."

Petalwhisker averted her gaze to the ground, scowling. "Larchfang isn't my brother. Not anymore. If I ever meet him in battle, he'll die. That's what traitors deserve."

Mapleshade scooted closer to her daughter. "Surely you don't mean that, Petal."

"I do!" Petalwhisker snapped. "And enough with the nickname. That's something you called me when I was a _kit_! I'm a grown warrior. Treat me like it."

Mapleshade's ears lowered, and her eyes widened with hurt. "Very well," she mewed, trying to act unbothered. " _I_ still love Larchfang, but I guess I can see why you're upset with him."

Petalwhisker huffed, "I just don't get it! What does he see in some RiverClan tom?" She cringed. "That's _another_ issue. You take a mate to have kits! How do you have kits when you're both toms?"

Mapleshade glared at the queen. "That's a cruel thing to say. You take a mate because you love each other. Kits aren't required. Nettlebreeze and I are mates, but we don't have offspring together."

"W-well…!" Petalwhisker stammered. "That's different! I couldn't imagine being with a she-cat. It's just plain wrong!"

Mapleshade stood, nudging the remains of the squirrel towards Petalwhisker. "I'm full," she growled. "I'm leaving camp now. Goodbye."

She padded away, the fur on the back of her neck prickling, trying to stay calm. As she left camp, she felt someone brush against her side. She didn't stop, which made them walk alongside her. It was a while before she finally looked sideways to see Nettlebreeze, silent for once. She stopped.

"What is it?" she asked.

Nettlebreeze smiled gently. "Nothing. You seemed upset, so I thought I could try a paw at cheering you up."

Mapleshade sighed, "Petalwhisker is just…" She shook herself with a growl.

"I understand," the ginger tom mewed. "She can be feisty."

"It was more than that," Mapleshade insisted. "She was bad-mouthing Larchfang! Saying he should die for leaving, saying he shouldn't be with a tom because it's 'wrong.'"

Nettlebreeze frowned. "Neither of those things are exactly traditional, so I can see her confusion and frustration. Try to understand it from her point of view, and work on shifting her opinion from there. Keep in mind she might not want to change, though."

"I don't need your pathetic advice!" Mapleshade snapped.

The warrior flinched. "Sorry. I was only trying to help."

"I don't _want_ you to!" she growled. She lowered her voice, regaining some form of calmness, "Maybe we shouldn't be together. We don't see things eye-to-eye."

Nettlebreeze nodded slowly. "Our relationship doesn't feel genuine, anyway. I know you don't really love me. You never have. You could've just rejected me, you know."

"I thought I could learn to love you," Mapleshade meowed, her anger fully gone. "You're a good tom. After losing Birchface, I didn't think I'd ever love again. But when I realized your feelings, I thought it couldn't hurt to try. I apologize for leading you on."

Nettlebreeze shook his head. "It's fine. I'm just glad we have this sorted out now. Better late than never."

Mapleshade groaned, "How are you so wise for someone younger than me?"

Nettlebreeze grinned playfully. "It's one of my secrets!"

Mapleshade smiled as well, though smaller. "You really are a good cat. You'll make a great mate for the right molly. Or tom, if you're into them."

Nettlebreeze nodded. "Thank you. You too, if you ever take another. It's good we're separating. Our personalities don't really… clash well. I'm sure with the right chemistry they could, but…" He shrugged. "Oh well, right?"

"Oh well," she agreed with a chuckle. "We'll stay friends, right? Couldn't bear to hate my daughter's former mentor, after all."

"Definitely. Wanna hunt? But without the unbearable tension, preferably."

Mapleshade nodded slowly, and so they went through ThunderClan's forest. By the time they decided to go back to camp, it was sunset. They threw their prey on the pile. The calico stretched in the fading sunlight.

"All that hunting has me famished!" she exclaimed. "I'm getting some prey and going to sleep."

"I think I'll eat with Frecklewish and Mistpelt over there," Nettlebreeze told her. "Do you want to join us?"

Mapleshade shook her head. "Thanks for the invite, though. I want to eat with Patchberry."

"Have a good meal!" the tabby called as he headed for the pile.

Mapleshade poked her head into the medicine den, only to see Patchberry getting a thorn out of Deerpaw's hind foot. "Hey, Patch!" she mewed.

"Hey!" he returned the greeting without looking up from his work. When the thorn was out and he sent Deerpaw on her way, he padded up to her. "What is it?"

"Come eat the evening meal with me," she invited him. "Unless you've already eaten?"

"I haven't," he meowed. "I don't have much of an appetite, though."

Mapleshade adopted a concerned expression. "Is something bothering you?"

Patchberry shuffled his paws before hesitantly nodding. "It was a dream I got last time Ravenwing and I visited the Moonstone," he replied quietly. "I haven't told him I got one of importance, though. I hoped to figure it out before informing him."

"Maybe I could help?" Mapleshade offered. "I'm no medicine cat, but a fresh pair of eyes could be of assistance."

"Maybe…" He seemed to consider it for a brief moment. "Okay, but let's go somewhere more private."

They headed to somewhere not far from camp, nestled in between two oaks. "So I open my eyes, right?" Patchberry meowed. "I'm at Sunningrocks, and laying on one of the stones is this little tabby kit. I don't recall the gender, but I do remember it having some splashes of white. Its eyes were closed, so it was probably a newborn. It lay in a huge puddle of blood. Probably its own.

"Floating down the stream were bodies. Several I didn't recognize, but I saw that one RiverClan warrior. What's his name? Appledusk. That's it. Someone else was there too. Petalwhisker." His voice grew uncertain. "Just… dead. I was so afraid, but I knew it was just a dream. And then, the stream was clear of bodies for a very long time. Until Darkstar and Oakstar, side by side, came down. It was horrifying, seeing two strong leaders stiff with death.

"Then the kit grew to reveal it had pure white eyes - no pupils. It grew so quickly to adulthood. It gained a huge, long scar across its throat. I just stood and watched until it turned and leaped into the stream. It climbed out what seemed like moons later with both a fish and a squirrel. It tossed them on Sunningrocks. It looked up and locked eyes with me. It spoke to me, but not with words. I could still tell what it was saying, though.

"'An old tear will always rip more when under stress.' Then these leaves drifted in the wind and fell on the squirrel. The cat smiled at me and said without words again, 'See you soon, but only after the storm.'"

Mapleshade was stunned by the description. "I… have no idea. I'm sorry, I didn't think it was so… complicated."

Patchberry nodded. "I haven't even started to understand it." He sighed quietly, "You know, telling someone made me feel a bit better about it. Thank you for listening."

Mapleshade smiled at her son. "Of course!" She dropped it and thought again about the dream. "The bodies probably represent death. The cats dying." She choked as she said this, remembering one of them to be Petalwhisker, but it was almost certain the correct interpretation. "Er… maybe the kit is Petalwhisker's, since she's due soon?"

"Maybe. Didn't look much like her or Yarrowclaw, though."

"Maybe the kit grows to be a threat to both RiverClan _and_ ThunderClan, since there were dead from both Clans," Mapleshade suggested. "And maybe we unite together to stop it, or something. Since it brought a fish and squirrel out."

Patchberry shrugged. "Maybe," he said again. "It's okay if you don't have any ideas. I'm getting hungry, anyway, so we should probably go back. You still up for eating together?"

"Yeah," she replied with a small smile. "Let's go."


	20. Rewrite Chapter 8

**Sorry for the long delay, but here's the eighth chapter! Next one is when the story really starts going.**

Mapleshade waited anxiously in the nursery entrance beside Yarrowclaw. After a long pregnancy that lasted well over the time it should've, Petalwhisker had finally entered labor. However, that was early that morning; it had just reached sunhigh, and Petalwhisker had only now started to push out the first kit. She was already exhausted from the massive effort, and her mother began to doubt how much longer she could go. She'd never seen such a difficult kitting.

"You're doing so well, Petalwhisker," Patchberry comforted his littermate quietly as he worked alongside Ravenwing.

"The kit is coming out backwards," Ravenwing meowed. "As if this wasn't already a dangerous birth!"

"Will the kits be okay?" Yarrowclaw asked with concern.

"Maybe," Patchberry replied, uncertainty in his tone.

"I think that you and Mapleshade should go," Ravenwing added. "Your presences might be stressing Petalwhisker out more. Besides, you'll be more useful if you're hunting or patrolling."

Mapleshade couldn't bring herself to move. "I can't just leave my daughter alone when she's kitting, especially since she's so young. And just look at how it's going! I'm staying."

"So am I," Yarrowclaw stubbornly put in.

The nursery remained silent for a long while, with the exception of Petalwhisker's noises of pain and effort. Eventually, however, the kit emerged from her body. Patchberry took it and nipped the sac it was in, then began licking its fur the wrong way. Ravenwing shook his head.

"No more kits. It's a litter of one."

Petalwhisker lay with her eyes closed, too exhausted to move or speak. Yet there were plenty of signs that she remained alive: her chest rose and fell, and the moss right under her muzzle moved slightly with each exhale out of her nose. After the kit was fully groomed, it was placed up to her stomach.

"It's weak," Patchberry confessed. "It… may not live. It seems to have an abnormally weak heart. It just happens sometimes. I'm sorry."

Petalwhisker's eyes opened a slit. "No, it'll live." She moved the kit slightly to look at its lower underbelly. "A tom," she noted quietly. "I'll call him Russetkit, for his dark ginger fur."

Yarrowclaw nodded. "Russetkit is a good name." He stepped forward to nuzzle his mate. "You did well. Thank you for bringing our son into the world."

Petalwhisker purred as she closed her eyes and fully rested her head, but Mapleshade suspected that it was more of her body's attempt to heal itself and less of her actually feeling happy.

"Just send for us if you need anything," Ravenwing meowed as he got to his paws and led Patchberry out, who looked worriedly back at his sister.

Mapleshade shifted to the side to allow them space through the entrance. She looked closer at Russetkit. "He isn't nursing," she told her daughter.

"He will," Yarrowclaw meowed for her. "Shouldn't you leave? We need some time with our son. You're hardly even his intimate family."

Mapleshade bristled. "Excuse me? I'm your mate's mother; I have every right to see your kit."

Yarrowclaw stood taller and unsheathed his claws. "Don't forget: start another fight, and you get punished."

"You got told off too!" Mapleshade growled.

"You aren't wrong," Yarrowclaw huffed. "However, I'm better at evading punishment than you are. I've mastered it."

"You don't know what sort of things I've done without consequence," she retorted. "I'm sure I could shift things in my favor if it came down to it."

"Stop fighting," Petalwhisker feebly begged.

Petalwhisker was a strong, motivated, no-nonsense she-cat who wouldn't hesitate to use each and every word that came to her mind during any situation. The fact that her voice was quiet, her tone lacked strength, and she used pleading language were true and utter signs that the kitting had taken everything out of her. Her usually blazing-with-life amber eyes were dull and half-closed with exhaustion.

Mapleshade guiltily licked a tuft of fur on her chest. "I'm sorry," she apologized to her daughter while still glaring at Yarrowclaw. "You know how my temper gets. Now that you're weakened, I'll try harder to keep it under wraps."

"So will I," Yarrowclaw growled, although both mollies knew that the fiery warrior would never reach the point of even being able to slightly control his anger.

"I would like to be left alone," Petalwhisker requested.

Yarrowclaw huffed. "I'll come back soon," he told her before shoving his way out of the den.

"I know you don't like him, but please try to get along," Petalwhisker told her mother before said she-cat left.

Mapleshade hesitated. "He's a terrible tom, Petalwhisker! I don't know why you chose him."

Petalwhisker didn't reply, likely because she was too tired to argue.

Mapleshade sighed, "I'm sorry. Really, I am. I'll _try_ to tolerate him, but no promises." She stepped out of the nursery.

* * *

It was three days after the kitting, at dusk. Mapleshade sat beside her daughter and son while Petalwhisker cried silently. Russetkit had died from heart failure. As Patchberry had predicted, he was born with too weak of a heart and died when it had failed to perform correctly. Yarrowclaw was absent from camp altogether. The calico warrior suspected that rather than mourning over the loss of his son, he was simply upset that he had no one to carry on his blood.

Ravenwing had just sent Russetkit to StarClan, and the vigil had begun. Mapleshade wasn't as depressed as Petalwhisker over the loss, but she was still distraught. She hadn't gotten the chance to know her youngest kin, and he was yanked away from them all because of an unfortunate birth defect. This is why she stayed with her daughter, and likely why Patchberry sat with them as well. Nettlebreeze did as well, as Petalwhisker was his former apprentice and he wanted to support her, but no one else did. Just them four.

It was a while before Yarrowclaw arrived in camp again. Mapleshade looked over and made eye contact, silently daring him to go back to the den without sitting vigil or even paying respects. He scowled at her and padded over. He shared tongues with his dead son for the first and last time, and he took the empty spot next to Petalwhisker. The five cats sat there until dawn arrived.

Rabbitfur and Bloomheart emerged from the elders' den to bury Russetkit, but Petalwhisker stood with a shake of her head. "I'll bury him," she told them.

The two toms exchanged a glance, but both nodded and went back to their nests.

Mapleshade got to her paws. "You're sure?" she asked her daughter. "I could help if you…" She trailed off, sensing the younger she-cat's silent desire to be alone. "...I'll leave you now. I'll just be in the warriors' den if you need me."

Petalwhisker didn't follow.

The next day at sunhigh, Mapleshade sat in camp grooming her pelt. Petalwhisker was out on a border patrol, having demanded to return to warrior duties immediately after her son's tragic passing. The calico warrior suspected, or rather knew, that she was trying to distract her mind away from grieving by working. Yarrowclaw had grown visibly distant from his mate, avoiding Petalwhisker in camp, as if trying to silently tell her that he was only with her because he wanted her to bear his kits.

And now that Russetkit was gone, why should he love her?

Mapleshade's muzzle scrunched up into a scowl at the thought of Yarrowclaw and his terrible opinions. She would die if it just meant that Petalwhisker could see the golden tom for what he was: a selfish, rude cat who only wanted to purge his biological urges and have kits. Why had she loved him for as long as she had? Mapleshade just couldn't understand, not at all. Ignoring the fact that he split things off after leading her on, even Appledusk had the sense to see past kits and love her for who she was.

Mapleshade looked up from her grooming to see a bloody, wounded cat dash into camp. It was Nettlebreeze, who was on the RiverClan border patrol with Petalwhisker, Sweetbriar, and Deerpaw. "RiverClan attacked!" he yowled. "We need backup!"

Beetail jumped up from where he sat with Dawnfeather. He looked to her, "You, Mapleshade, Mistpelt, and Deerdapple will come with me."

The named cats went to him and followed him out, while Nettlebreeze went on ahead. Mapleshade jumped into the fray as soon as they arrived. She pounced on the deputy Spiketail, allowing Petalwhisker to get up and attack Appledusk nearby. Silently cheering on her daughter, Mapleshade focused on Spiketail and struck at him with straight precision.

After a short while of fighting and her rage only growing, Mapleshade landed a good hit on his throat. Spiketail hacked and tried flailing his forearms at her, but he collapsed. She'd killed him without thought, and it felt… good. Oh dear StarClan, it felt incredible! _That's what you get for attacking my daughter_ , she thought, grinning triumphantly, the chaos of battle consuming her mind.

"Take this, you dirty ThunderClan scum!" a familiar tom's voice shouted some distance behind her.

Mapleshade had seen him earlier, and she recognized the voice: Appledusk. A pit in her stomach formed and grew when she remembered who he'd been fighting last she knew. She whipped around to see Appledusk holding down her ginger-and-white tabby daughter and clenching his teeth tightly on her throat. The young warrior struggled underneath him, before feigning any effort. Her eyes glazed over.

Mapleshade froze before launching herself at him. She striked without thinking, all of her battle knowledge abandoned and moved to make way for nothing but pure strength. She fought, taking all of his blows without bothering to dodge or counter. Soon she felt someone grab her scruff and pull her away with surprising ease. She kept trying to pull away and keep going after Appledusk, who fled with his Clanmates. When the RiverClan warriors could no longer be seen, she was let go.

"Enough," Beetail, who'd been holding her back, meowed. "I know you want to hurt him, but-"

"But nothing!" Mapleshade yowled. She took a deep breath and began to sob. "My daughter is dead! You don't know what it's like!"

Beetail looked to the ground. "That isn't quite true. Not anymore."

Mapleshade, her cheeks wet with tears, looked up to see that there was another body other than Petalwhisker's: Deerpaw's. However, she couldn't properly reflect on his loss at the moment; her mind was overwhelmed with emotion. She began hyperventilating uncontrollably, yet sobs wracked her body at the same time. Her body tried to cry without breathing, which made her choke.

"It's time to go," Nettlebreeze meowed gently to her.

Mapleshade realized only then how long she'd sat there, sobbing out her grief. Everyone had already gone back to camp, carrying both corpses. The ginger warrior had stayed there, waiting for her. She would be able to think about his kindness later, but not now. She followed him back to camp, still crying. She didn't even notice when Patchberry tended to her wounds, singing quietly to her as she used to do to him in a feeble attempt to comfort both her and himself.

Thoughts absorbed her all through the night as she sat vigil with Yarrowclaw, Nettlebreeze, Frecklewish, and Patchberry. Mapleshade didn't notice when morning came, nor when she was gently nudged back to her nest by Frecklewish and Nettlebreeze. She had stopped crying by this point; it could no longer help with the grief she felt.

Mapleshade slept for the rest of the day, not rising a single time. She wasn't bothered by a single cat. When she got up the dawn after, she noticed that Dawnfeather and Beetail were both a mess as well. However, her mind still refused to acknowledge their loss. It was too focused on Petalwhisker.

Mapleshade had lost Larchfang, as he'd become a member of RiverClan, and she lost Petalwhisker after she was killed by them. Two kits, gone. This was too much for her to bear. The thought crossed her mind of giving up, of trying to join her daughter in StarClan. She lingered on it for a long while before deciding not to. She would only cause pain to her still-living Clanmates.

That same dawn where she noticed Dawnfeather and Beetail's grief, Mapleshade left camp. She kept travelling south. Soon she reached the markers that separated ThunderClan territory from rogue land, and yet she kept going. For a long while she walked, not stopping for even a moment. She collapsed by what seemed to be a barn around half past dusk. She could smell a tom and see a black-and-white cat closer to the Twoleg building, but she was unconscious before she could say a word.


	21. Rewrite Chapter 9

Mapleshade opened her eyes to see a plump squirrel in front of her muzzle. She sat up and looked around, her tail bristling with confusion. Her mind was foggy, and she had a pounding headache. Her cheeks were wet, but she didn't remember crying. She flinched when she saw a plump black-and-white tom approach. He had round limbs and large eyes, similar to a kit.

"Hello," he meowed. He had a quiet, gentle voice that didn't appear to have the ability to raise in volume or harshness even if he'd tried. "My name is Myler," he went on. "I hunted that squirrel for you. Go ahead and eat."

Mapleshade looked down at the squirrel. She sniffed at it, remembering poisons that Patchberry had once told her about. Would she be able to even smell half of them if this cat had put them in the prey? Why else would he offer her food while asking for nothing in return?

Myler frowned. "Is something wrong?" he asked. "I didn't do anything to it. I just have so much prey in this area that there's no reason I _shouldn't_ offer you something. I thought of catching you one or two of the many mice in my barn, but since you're from the forest I thought you'd enjoy squirrel more."

"How do you know where I'm from?" she hissed defensively.

"I can smell it on your pelt," he explained. "You're from one of those Clans, aren't you?"

Mapleshade glared at him. "So what if I am?"

"Well, it just got me wondering what you're doing so far from home. I thought you all had duties and such?"

"We do! Why is it any of a rogue's business?"

"I'm hardly a rogue," Myler corrected her. "I'm a barn cat. There's a fine line between rogues, loners, and barn cats."

"Same difference," Mapleshade huffed.

"Look, just eat the prey," Myler requested. "There's no reason for you to refuse."

Mapleshade looked to her paws. "I'm not hungry." Nausea overwhelmed her stomach; she didn't think she'd be able to hold any prey down.

He raised a brow. "If you insist. I've already eaten, so you can just take that squirrel back with you for your campmates."

Mapleshade suddenly realized: she wasn't at camp. "Oh, StarClan, what am I even doing all the way out here?! I need to get back!" Then she remembered why she'd mindlessly fled in the first place. "I… can't," she mewed almost silently.

Petalwhisker's death would hang in the air there. She wouldn't be able to do anything without being reminded of her lost daughter. She would surely face these feelings anywhere, but they'd be worst in ThunderClan territory. At least away from there, she wouldn't be faced with cats who knew anything about it. It was almost comforting thinking about being alone, no worries or responsibilities.

"If you can't go back, you can stay here," Myler offered. "You can make yourself a nest in the barn somewhere; just don't mess with the Twolegs' animals. They come often to tend to them. They have a nest not far away. They don't mean any harm, so there's no reason to fear them."

"I don't need to stay in any Twoleg barn," Mapleshade hissed. "Just leave me alone, will you? Why do you keep bothering me?"

Myler lowered his ears. "I'm just trying to be friendly. I know how it feels not knowing where you belong, and-"

"Don't try to relate to me!" Mapleshade yowled. "Why should I even trust you?!"

Myler shook his head. "You don't have to. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so pushy. Go or stay, whatever you want. Just know that if you want to stay here, you're welcome to." He backed up and went into the barn, sending a final glance back at her over his shoulder.

Mapleshade growled as she paced back and forth. She kicked the squirrel and walked away from the barn. She eventually reached a thin stream, and she flopped down next to it. She stuck her muzzle partially in the water, sipping it slowly for a few minutes straight. Her mind ran wild with thoughts.

Would it really be so bad to accept the offer? Living in the barn would mean that she would never need to worry about food or shelter. She could live without putting any effort into anything. If the Twolegs really didn't want to hurt cats, they shouldn't bother her. Besides, she'd be protected from any predators; what badger or fox would want to move into a barn?

Mapleshade got to her paws, swallowed her pride, and went back to where the large red barn was. She saw Myler through one of the upper windows. When he spotted her, he quickly ran down and outside. He looked pleased to see her.

"Hello again!" he mewed.

"I'll take you up on your offer," she murmured. "I'll live here."

"Great," he purred. "You can have that squirrel still too. Make your nest wherever you want."

After making a moss nest on the upper floor, which she had to access by climbing a "ladder", Mapleshade tucked into the squirrel hungrily. It was only after she'd finished her meal and had started grooming herself when she remembered Petalwhisker's death. She was suddenly overcome with a sensation like she'd never known. It was pain, and hurt, and crushing sadness all at once.

Mapleshade remained motionless, trapped in her thoughts, silently letting tears flow down her cheeks, until sunset. That was when she suddenly regained sense of the world around her. She shakily got to her paws and slowly walked inside of the barn. It was several minutes before she reached the ladder and carefully climbed up it. When she got to her nest, she crashed down into it with a huff.

The day after was painfully slow. Myler tried making conversation, but she ignored him without mewing a single word. Mapleshade simply went through the day as she'd done the last one: eat once, sit still for countless hours, sleep. It only made her thoughts worse, since she had no distraction, but she felt helpless to change anything.

A quarter moon passed as Mapleshade continued ignoring Myler. She'd started hunting the seemingly infinite mice in the barn and eating them just to have something to do. Somehow her constant hunting didn't appear to have an affect on the mouse population. She quickly grew plump to the point of it hurting to move. Her stomach was always upset and painfully full. She would honestly prefer starvation to whatever this was.

However, she kept on hunting and binging. Mapleshade didn't stop to think for even a second; she would just swallow the mouse in a few bites, hunt another, repeat. In the absence of her warrior duties, it felt good to have something to do that didn't take too much energy. Besides, it hardly gave her time to ponder Petalwhisker or anything else. Even though she hated her new habit - addiction? - she couldn't help but keep at it.

Oh, how she grew to hate the taste of mouse.

Mapleshade awoke in her nest to find herself hungry for the forest. She wanted to feel its warmth, have its scent once again imprinted on her dappled pelt. Therefore, she fought her urge to laze about and instead travelled outside of the barn. She hadn't left it since she'd first decided to live there with the exception of making dirt once per day after the sun went down, and being outside felt strange. She heard a voice behind her.

"Where are you headed?" Myler asked with a friendly tone.

"The forest," she mewed. "I want to taste something other than mice."

"I can understand that. Mind if I tag along? I quite enjoy the taste of sparrow." He walked up to stand beside her.

Mapleshade almost refused him, but she decided there was no real harm that came with having company. "Sure," she replied. He would be too busy with hunting to bother her, anyway.

Or so she thought. As they walked, Mapleshade found herself attacked with questions…

"What's your group like?"

"Got any kin?"

"My parents' group has a healer. Does yours?"

"How many leaders do you got? My parents are the only two for theirs."

"Hey, you're pretty quiet. Doing alright?"

"Whoa, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Mapleshade hadn't realized when she'd stopped in her tracks and had scrunched her muzzle up as tears flowed down from her eyes. Myler brushed up against her comfortingly. There they stood as she sobbed, sniffing every so often, for an indeterminable amount of time. He simply murmured comforting words such as, "There, there…", or "It'll be okay…", whenever her cries increased in volume.

It took an incredibly long time, but Mapleshade eventually collected herself and quieted. She then realized that she'd just shown weakness in front of a stranger. What if he intended to use this to hurt her? Even if he didn't know the cause of her emotions, he might exploit them nonetheless. She bristled and backed away, showing her teeth.

Myler's eyes widened. "I… oh. I'm glad you're better now. Do you want to talk about…" He trailed off, sensing her aggression. "Nevermind. I'll go back to the barn. I can tell you want to be alone."

Mapleshade stared after him, an emptiness filling her. No cat could change her feelings, so why try?


	22. Rewrite Chapter 10

Mapleshade continued on through the rest of newleaf living in the barn, sometimes making quick small talk with Myler but never giving it a single thought. Her terrible habit of eating until she felt like throwing up stopped eventually, but only because greenleaf brought a harsher feeling upon her. It truly came out of nowhere, and she had no will to fight it.

No longer did she get the occasional urge to sob her grief; instead, it was as if her mind had completely given up on trying to rid her of her misery. She would lie about, not even moving from her nest for hours at a time after she awoke. When she would finally get up, she could hardly even bring herself to hunt.

Myler eventually began hunting for her, not able to watch her starve, and her pride was too weak to refuse. His kindness never wavered, even when she would get emotional and snap at him. He only saw a cat in desperate need of help and care, despite her mysteriousness at her past or what had caused these feelings.

One day when it was particularly hot, Myler awoke Mapleshade with a proposal. "Whenever it gets really hot, I go down to the Twoleg nest and they let me in. It's really cool inside of there. I was just about to go, and I was wondering if you wanted to come too?"

Mapleshade huffed. "I'll pass."

"But your coat is so much thicker than mine! If I'm hot, I can't imagine how you are. You must be burning up!"

Mapleshade didn't want to admit how accurate his thoughts were. "I'm not comfortable going in some Twoleg nest," she meowed instead.

"They're harmless, I promise," Myler mewed. "They don't have any dogs or kittypets, either. Please? I would hate to think of you suffering here."

She sighed. "Fine, I'll come. But only because you keep bothering me."

Mapleshade forced herself to her paws and followed Myler outside of the barn and to a nest not far away. A Twoleg was outside, scraping up dirt from the ground with a small item it held in a paw. Her limbs stiffened at the sight of it, and she stopped walking.

"He won't hurt you!" Myler assured her. "He's just putting plants in the ground. Twolegs must like the look of them. Later on, he and the female will come out and tend to their bigger plants and the animals. You must see them do it sometime, right?"

In reality, Mapleshade never did; she always stayed far away from the fenced-up creatures, and she never left the barn. "Why do they let us stay in the barn?" she asked, not wanting to seem as curious as she felt.

"We take care of the mice. Mice like barns. In fact, they lured me in the barn with catnip when I started roaming around. I'm like a kittypet, I guess."

"So what's that make me?" Mapleshade cringed, ignoring the word she didn't know the meaning of.

"A barn cat, like me. Barn cats are basically loners and kittypets mixed together. We hunt for our own food and we don't live with Twolegs, but we also serve them some sort of purpose."

Her curiosity satisfied, Mapleshade tried willing some sort of courage to go up and try to get into the nest. Instead, Myler led the way. She followed quickly after, but stayed back a short distance as he mewed wordlessly at the Twoleg and rubbed against a foreleg.

The Twoleg got up, setting the small object down, and went up to the "door." He twisted a piece of it and pulled it open, watching them expectantly. Myler sauntered confidently in. Mapleshade followed more cautiously and quickly, sticking close to the tom. Despite her disgust at his lifestyle, she trusted him more than any Twoleg.

Cold air hit them immediately, and Mapleshade sighed with relief as she felt it weave in-between her long fur. She looked back at the now-closed door, realizing what she was doing. It filled her with panic, but she felt no motivation to respond to it. It simply wormed in her chest, causing a strange sensation.

There was another Twoleg inside, apparently the female. She had a head of short, curly silver fur and a wrinkled face, much like the male. She saw them, made an o shape with her mouth, and dove into a bag of pellets. She shoved a round object into it and sat it on the ground, now full of the kittypet food.

Myler ran to the object and took a few bites. "Mm. This is the good stuff, Mapleshade. There are some bad kinds of kibble, but this one is… mm…" He took a couple more and licked his lips.

Mapleshade didn't hide her disgust. "That's kittypet food!"

"It tastes good," Myler mewed with a shrug. "Try it."

"No, it's disgusting!"

"Have you ever tried it?"

"Definitely not."

"Try it then," he repeated. "Only a bite. Can't know if you hate it if you've never tasted it."

Mapleshade groaned and padded over to the rounded surface. She stuck her muzzle in and took a few pieces of kibble in her mouth, then began to chew. It tasted like many types of meat she wasn't aware of, but it wasn't entirely unpleasant. Just… unfamiliar.

"I don't know. It's… kittypet food. It isn't for a warrior."

Myler raised a brow. "And a warrior is…?"

"A Clan cat!" she growled.

"So what if it isn't for a warrior? You aren't one anymore. You're a barn cat."

Mapleshade frowned, loneliness washing over her very suddenly. She didn't respond, deciding to change the subject. "So what do we do now? How long are we staying?"

"I normally stay the entire day, which is why she put food out for us," Myler replied, then his eyes brightened. "Ooh! Maybe she has some catnip."

"Catnip?" There was the strange name again. "What's that?"

"It's this little leaf plant that makes you feel good. It smells really nice too. They get it for me sometimes."

The description brought a familiar image to her mind. "Catmint?" she mewed. "That's what the Clans call it. We use it to cure greencough."

"Oh, I know greencough!" Myler meowed, understanding. "My family's group's healer used it to cure greencough too, but we called it catwort. The more kittypet term for it is catnip, and I use it 'cause I generally like that name more than catwort."

Myler abandoned the conversation and ran up to the female Twoleg, who was now sitting on a soft surface with a long piece for leaning back. He meowed loudly and jumped up onto her hind legs, which rested on the floor. She seemed to know exactly what he was after, since she shoved him off and walked into another part of the nest.

When she returned, she brought back a small pile of shredded catmint leaves that she held in her paw. She tossed it to the ground. Myler pounced on them, rubbing himself on the floor. Mapleshade had never had catmint before, and she was all too curious to know what the experience was like.

Mapleshade ran over and sniffed a patch that Myler hadn't touched. She decided to try what he was doing, and she shoved her muzzle into the floor and inhaled deeply. Within a few moments, she began to realize why Myler was so excited about getting it. She found herself rolling around like she'd seen him doing, her tail lashing excitedly.

However, Myler had since ceased rolling and sniffing and had retired to the female Twoleg's side on the soft surface. He adopted a sleepy yet happy look, purring contentedly. He allowed her to rub her paw across his back, and even his vulnerable stomach. Bits of catmint were caught in his short fur.

Whatever his pelt didn't pick up, Mapleshade's did. She began dashing around, feeling her constant grief and anguish wash away. The sudden burst of energy was the only thing on her mind. All she wanted to do was run and bat at anything she could get to. Soon, she pounced on Myler.

Myler didn't respond to her playful acts to lure him into a play-fight. He simply smiled. "Lay back, Mapleshade. I don't know how you have so much energy…"

"You don't?" she laughed breathlessly, bouncing on her paws. "This is making me really feel alive! I haven't felt like this since my apprenticeship."

"I have no idea what that is," he chuckled, mostly at her behavior.

"Since I was young. Like, half-grown?" She couldn't stay in one place any longer. She resumed her running and jumping.

All too soon, Mapleshade began to feel the effects of the catmint wearing off. She stopped running and just sat on the floor, extremely disappointed. She missed the carefree, happy feeling it gave her. Instead, she was stuck again with the thought of Petalwhisker's death and many other things.

Myler hopped down and padded to her. "Man, you acted weird. I've never behaved like that with catnip."

Mapleshade shrugged. "Does it matter?" she asked. "You just laid there, letting that Twoleg touch you."

"It felt nice. I was all relaxed and chill. You were running around like a kit!"

Mapleshade frowned. She didn't feel like saying anything else.

Myler dropped his smile. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"It has nothing to do with you. Mind your own business."

"I just want to help. I've been through some stuff, and I can tell you are too. I can be a listener, you know. Help you out maybe? Talking can be-"

"You know what?" Mapleshade hissed. "Fine, I'll tell you. My son left the Clan to be with an enemy warrior, my daughter was killed by her own father, and I have nothing to live for! What's worse, now I'm sitting in a Twoleg nest with some half-kittypet half-loner cat who won't leave me alone."

Myler looked hurt. "I'm sorry for your loss. I lost a littermate back when I still lived in my parents' group. I know how it feels to look forward to seeing someone after you wake up, only to discover they... died from some genetic disease that has no cure." He took on a disoriented expression, and it almost seemed like he wanted to cry.

Mapleshade suddenly felt guilty. "I'm sorry for your loss as well," she mewed quietly. "I guess we've both known hurt. I shouldn't have been so rude." Only now did she realize, in truth, that Myler was a completely separate cat who had a past and personality just like any warrior. His vulnerability had shown her how cruel she'd been.

Myler smiled gently, but his eyes didn't hide his feelings. "No, it's okay. My fault, really. I shouldn't have made your problems about myself. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize," she told him.

"I know… my father would always tell me I apologize too much. Sorry." He realized what he said, and opened his mouth as he tried to find something else to say instead. He shut it after coming up with nothing.

"Maybe you aren't so bad," Mapleshade meowed. "I just thought you were some kittypet."

"Nope! Just a barn cat who wants to help. I'm here if you want to talk about your problems. If I may ask, what was your daughter's name?"

"Petalwhisker," she replied. "She wasn't gentle as a petal, though! She had a bite to her like no other cat I've known. Well, maybe her mate. He isn't pleasant at all."

"And why's that?" Myler tucked his paws underneath him.

"He, like, hates she-cats or something. Thinks they're only good for his benefit. What crowfood he is."

"He sounds awful," Myler agreed. "What about your son? The one that left?"

"His name's Larchfang. He's so sweet. When he was a kit, he could always bring me feathers from birds off the fresh-kill pile. He would always say, 'These are for you, Ma. I know you like feathers.' I've never liked feathers; they always make my nests too warm. But I knew he did, so I would always take them and say, 'Thank you, Larchy. I _do_ love feathers.'"

"Would you put them in your nest?"

"I would! I shared it with him and his littermates, so he would be plenty comfortable. I have another son, Patchberry, who's one of our medicine cats."

"And what's a medicine cat?"

"A healer. Like the one your old group has."

"Oh! Is he good?"

"Very. He's gifted with the ability to heal. He's a lot gentler and nicer than his former mentor, Ravenwing. Now Ravenwing is an odd one. Doesn't even seem like he enjoys his job. Or maybe he just hates me specifically." The latter was more accurate, she knew.

As she poured out meaningless stories of her old life, Mapleshade realized how loose she'd let herself get. Myler listened with true interest and curiosity, and he would respond with questions about specific cats or parts of the Clan's lifestyle. She would answer them mindlessly, then move on.

Mapleshade realized her mind no longer cared if she was speaking about such important things to who was basically a stranger. She hardly paid attention to Myler himself, other than answering questions. Instead, she focused on the memories and everything she'd left behind. Soon, she found herself spilling her Appledusk secret while going off on a tangent.

Myler still didn't realize how serious forbidden relationships were, so he simply seemed to take it as a bad break-up when it was truly so much more. He asked many questions, mostly relating to how exactly RiverClan was different from ThunderClan. He was surprised to hear that they weren't all too different, instead separated by Clan tradition.

"Wait," he mewed. "Why would it be forbidden when you're just in two identical groups?"

"Because RiverClan, especially, is our sworn enemy," Mapleshade meowed. "It wasn't officially a war when I last was around, but it could be now. Tensions between us and them are stronger than ever, all because RiverClan has a battle-hungry and territory-stingy leader."

"Then why didn't you join RiverClan?"

"I thought about it, but I ended up staying. I couldn't bring myself to leave ThunderClan."

"Oh, right!" Myler meowed, seeming to remember something. "You must've not wanted to leave your parents and littermates. I can remember that struggle. You haven't spoken about them yet."

Mapleshade frowned. "There's none for me to speak of, Myler." She wasn't all too comfortable to share anything else regarding that, so she moved on. "It was after… Petalwhisker's death by Appledusk that I fled. Well, after her vigil. I don't exactly remember whether I stayed for a bit or not, but I walked as far as I could."

"And now you're here."

"Yes. I hope you now know enough about me, intrusive stranger, for me to have my reasons for whatever I do."

Myler nodded. "I understand completely. You didn't have to tell me so much, though. I thought you distrusted me, in all honesty."

"I do!"

"But you got so personal with your stories. I didn't think you would've done so if you didn't trust me."

Mapleshade flicked an ear. "Well, I just… forgot you were here, is all." Not a complete lie, but also not a complete truth.

Myler nodded again. "Is there anything else that you want me to know?" he asked lightly. His tone made it clear he was open to hearing more, but also that he wouldn't push if she refused.

Mapleshade shook her head, replying with, "No. I don't think you're in need of more personal detail about me."

"Alright. Now let's go raid the upstairs. They have a bag of treats hidden that I can sometimes get into, depending on the location. Do you want to come?"

Mapleshade was glad for the invitation, since it meant they were no longer being serious. "Sure," she mewed, shrugging. "Might not eat 'em, but I'd hate to be alone in this dangerous place."

"A Twoleg's den isn't dangerous, Maple," Myler assured her. "Just unfamiliar to you."

Mapleshade found the nickname strange, but not completely awful. It reminded her of the nicknames she'd give to her kits. "Well, let's just go. _I'll_ be the judge of how dangerous it is."

Myler led the way, and Mapleshade followed him up about a dozen steps. The rest of the day went by fine, and when nightfall arrived was when they ventured back to the barn.

They hunted separately, but Mapleshade found herself eating alongside him. She groomed herself and clambered up to her nest after the chatter-filled meal. It was surprisingly easy to get to sleep that night, and it felt much more deserved than usual.

In her dreams, however, returned her grief. All her subconscious could come up with were rehashings of Petalwhisker's death. She awoke many times during the night, the nightmares haunting her. It seemed that no matter how good of a day she had, she still hadn't let go of what made her leave.


	23. Rewrite Chapter 11

Mapleshade awoke in the barn the morning after with a light headache and an even greater pain in her chest. She felt completely and utterly exhausted, yet she knew she couldn't burrow further into her nest and continue trying to drown herself in sleep. It would solve nothing; it didn't even give her the slightest smidge of comfort. It was simply a way of erasing any feeling at all for but what seemed to be a few moments.

Luckily, Mapleshade didn't have to try to lure herself out of her nest with empty promises. Myler came, brightness in his eyes and sincerity in his grin. He seemed even happier that his denmate was already awake. She heaved herself into a lazy sitting position, waiting for him to speak. Since all cats who knew him also knew that he loved to talk about anything and anyone, it didn't take more than a wordless mew of greeting before he began.

"We have someone joining us today," Myler meowed.

"And who's that?" Mapleshade asked, trying to seem interested despite her weariness.

"Come down and see." With that, Myler turned and hopped down onto the barn floor via some hay bales.

Since that was more of a risky move, as the top bale was balanced strangely atop another, Mapleshade went down slowly and steadily using the ladder. She used these calm few moments to contemplate her rapidly fading nightmares. All she could remember was Patchberry being pinned underneath Appledusk, crying out for his life.

On one of the last steps of the ladder, Mapleshade slipped and fell the short distance. The thought of another kit dying… it was unbearable. She would rather not be around for it and never know than be around and have to suffer through it. Myler, who'd been waiting in-between the open barn doors, ran over.

"Are you okay?!" he asked, alarmed.

"I'm fine," Mapleshade replied, flicking her tail. "Landed on my feet. Who's the visitor you're so excited over?"

Myler still appeared to be worried, but he didn't press. "I'll let him introduce himself," he meowed.

Mapleshade followed her denmate outside where a short-furred, black tabby tom sat. He was elegantly long- and lean-bodied, and his tail ended in a tuft. He appeared to be very relaxed, as if he were used to this place and Myler himself. He got to his paws and slowly made his way over to the two barn cats.

"Greetings, Mapleshade," the tom began. He had a deep, warm meow despite his young-looking appearance. "For the short while I've been here, Myler's told me a bit about you. Nothing personal, I assure you," he added when he noticed a panicked look flicker in her gaze.

"Well, it's nice to meet you," Mapleshade meowed politely, not entirely sure her words were honest. There were many things telling her to fight or fly, and others that told her he was harmless. She just didn't know what to think of him.

"Nice to meet you too as well," the tom returned. "I assume Myler didn't introduce me, so I'll do that myself. My name is Crow, but my proper title is Healer Crow. However, you're a friend's friend, so you don't need to be so proper."

Mapleshade nodded, relaxing slightly at the mention that _this_ must be the healer Myler had mentioned so many times. "I'm Mapleshade, as you already know," she told him. "My son is a healer in one of the Clans. Are you familiar with them?"

"The Clans? Of course! Any cat living multiple tree-lengths within their territory's location have heard stories about them. There are many different rehashings, so I suppose none but former and current members really know the truth."

"I'm a former member myself. I could answer questions, if you like?" It wasn't a genuine offer, more-so one made out of politeness. Her mind was still logged down, filled with its usual fusion of emotions, and she didn't feel like speaking much.

"No, that's alright," Crow told her, shaking his head. "I can read cats easily, Mapleshade. I can see that's not what you want. Even the best disguisers can't fool me."

Mapleshade was taken aback by his words. "I-I'm sorry," she stuttered. "I just wanted to-"

"Don't explain," Crow interrupted. "If you don't want to talk, don't talk. This is your current residence; you have no need to interact with me if you don't wish to. Lounge about, hunt, antagonize baby robins. Whatever you do is fine with me, so long as it has no negative repercussions for Myler."

"Are you two close?" Mapleshade asked.

"Very!" Myler cut in, seemingly hoping to lighten the mood. Unlike Mapleshade, he didn't try to hide his true feelings. "We grew up together. My mother nursed him when his died from kitting him, so our friendship was destined from the start."

Crow nodded solemnly. "Myler's family is like my own, and Myler is no further from a brother. This is why I have nothing but kindness to offer you if you're a friend or ally of his, but be aware that I won't forget any harm done to him." His tone turned foreboding.

Mapleshade's fur bristled, but she was quickly able to flatten it again. "I would never hurt a cat without reason."

"Don't worry, Crow," Myler mewed. "Mapleshade's cool. Might be a bit mean sometimes, but she's still friendly."

"I know," Crow snorted. "She has that scent."

Mapleshade lashed her tail. _What scent?_ she thought, slightly annoyed. The two toms continued talking as she sunk back into the uncomfortable yet comfortable state of almost-nothingness. This is what she'd named the act of being physically present, yet far away mentally and emotionally: almost-nothing. Her mind was in ThunderClan territory, recalling meaningless things.

Mapleshade snapped out of the almost-nothingness when Myler nudged her. "What?" she asked, trying not to show her disorientation.

"Ears up in the stars?" Myler mewed. "I get it, don't worry. Crow came from my parents' group to visit for a few days, so he'll be living with us. Just thought you wanted to know."

"Isn't he their only healer?" Mapleshade meowed.

"No. There's this cat, Lizard, and another one, Speckle… I think Crow mentioned during his last visit that they were training one named Misty…?"

"Forget I asked," Mapleshade told him. "So he's gonna make a nest in the barn? And take our mice?"

"Well, of course!" Myler replied. "We have so much to give that there's no reason not to."

"But anything could happen!" she meowed. "There could be a sudden famine, uh… there could be a bad storm that destroys the barn… anything could happen, Myler. The barn and the mice are _ours_ , not his. Let him provide for himself."

Myler took on a gentle, understanding expression. "Mapleshade, I know that life in the Clans was hard. Sudden disasters and wrongdoings seemed to happen whenever you all started to get comfortable. But you have to understand that out here, it's different. Life remains the same, day after day. Nothing ever happens, for the better or the worst. We're okay."

Mapleshade shook her head stubbornly. "Oh, no. Definitely not. No one is ever okay forever, no matter who or where they are. One day, some bad event will hit us. And then what? We're probably helping some random loner or rogue or something, and they drag us down to our deaths. Send Crow away to the forest. It's for the better."

"I can't do that. He's family. Please try to understand my point of view."

"Try to understand mine first. Bet you never thought of that!" The conversation had made her pelt bristle and her teeth bare. Her mind was running feral with countless ideas of how Crow moving in, even temporarily, would bring harm to them.

"I _did_ think of that," Myler corrected her calmly. "And I've been trying to see this from your perspective, but I just can't understand refusing to help someone out of fear that you yourself will get hurt. If you have the resources to make sure someone isn't homeless or hungry, wouldn't you give them what they need?"

Mapleshade lashed her tail. "Do whatever you want," she grumbled, turning away. "I'm tired of fighting."

Fighting had been one of her favorite things to do, but verbal arguments were much more emotionally taxing than a battle could ever be. _In most cases_ , she reminded herself, recalling Petalwhisker for the umpteenth time. She flopped down onto the grass, facing away from where Myler now stood speaking with Crow. She couldn't make out any words, and she didn't care to.

Mapleshade couldn't understand her outburst, even moments after it had occured. She knew now that her emotions were in control then, and she wasn't thinking or acting rationally. Of course Crow should stay; he was a visitor and didn't seem like the battle type. He was a _medicine cat_ , for StarClan's sake! Besides, he was a trusted friend and practically a foster brother to Myler.

Mapleshade had severely, greatly overreacted, and she felt nothing but shame when she accepted this fact.

Why had she been so impulsive, letting her heart and its baseless paranoias rule over her actions? Was this what she often let happen? Looking back on many events, she realized this to be true: whenever a situation caused great emotions for her, she always acted impulsively as a subconscious way to counteract the situation.

It was just like Petalwhisker had done when Larchfang left. That was the most traumatic thing to happen to her up until that point, and she didn't know how to cope. So she took the tom that she'd been spending time with as a mate, and they tried for kits. She clung onto ignorance and hatred as a way to validate her actions and words.

It truly was like mother, like daughter. Mapleshade had once frowned upon her kit for behaving as such, and now here she was, taking after her. If Petalwhisker had followed her and was watching her, Mapleshade knew that she'd be ashamed of what her mother had become. Why couldn't she move past these things and be the best ThunderClan warrior she could? That was what Petalwhisker had done after the death of Russetkit: worked. She didn't mope, or oversleep, or stuff herself painfully full as Mapleshade had once done.

Mapleshade heard someone calling her name, but she felt no urge to get up and respond to them. She felt as if a dog could come up, scoop her in its jaws, and shake her wildly like one of its play-things, but she still wouldn't move. A few moments after the calling came Myler, brushing against her tail. She looked over at him without moving her head.

"Crow will stay with us for a quarter moon," Myler informed her, looking slightly nervous. "Is… that alright?"

Mapleshade's pride got in the way of her intended words, so she meowed, "Sure, whatever. I'm just a visitor too, so it's not like I got any say."

This was what made Myler _really_ concerned, and additionally quite surprised. "You don't consider yourself a barn cat?" he asked. "I always thought you'd leave someday, but… you talking like that makes it feel so much closer. When do you plan to leave?"

Now that was a good question, but also one she didn't have an answer to. "I guess whenever I feel ready," she replied to him with honesty. "Hopefully before leaf-bare. I can't run forever."

Myler nodded slowly. "Don't forget, you're not just a visitor while you're here. You _live_ here. You're my denmate." He hesitated. "At least, I _hope_ you see things the same as I do."

Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. For now, she again had no answer. When Myler's words were met with silence, he got up and padded away without saying another. Mapleshade felt guilty, yet her immense pride refused to let her say anything else to him.

* * *

Over the first three days with Crow there, Mapleshade wasn't surprised to see that he wasn't any trouble. He made his nest right next to Myler's, and he hunted for his own prey. He also just generally made sure to steer clear of her, since he knew she wasn't fond of strangers. By the fourth day's morning when she awoke, she'd gotten more or less used to his presence in the barn.

Mapleshade's mind hadn't gotten any clearer or brighter, but she pushed through in order to achieve her basic needs. She refused to seem lazy or unskilled in front of someone who didn't know her as well as Myler did. Wait, did Myler even know her well? _Better than anyone else_ , she admitted to herself. Despite being there for a short time, he already knew more about her than any other cat did.

This fact made her slightly uncomfortable, but it was honestly a burden lifted from her shoulders. She wouldn't have to pretend to be fine or well-minded when it was just them. He would even know the reason, so there would be no explanation necessary. For now, however, she had to take care of herself no matter how weary and worn she felt.

It was truly shameful how only her embarrassment kept herself in charge of her own well-being.

That morning, Mapleshade hunted two mice and ate them slowly. It was halfway through the second that she got full and, remembering her awful binge eating, cringed at the thought of finishing her meal. Luckily, Myler and Crow had awoken and were coming down to hunt. She wordlessly mewed a warning and tossed the other half to Myler, who caught it seamlessly.

"Eat it," she told him. "I'm full."

Myler quickly scarfed it down and licked his lips. "Thanks. Also, uh, I got something to tell you."

Crow went to another part of the barn, seeming to already know that Myler wouldn't be joining him yet. Mapleshade raised a brow, asking, "Yeah, what?"

"Sometimes Crow would get these dreams," Myler explained. "Like of the future and stuff. It would be little glimpses, but he would always be able to sense when they were a vision. Well, when we woke up he said he had one about you last night. He said I should let you know."

Mapleshade recognized the similarities between Crow's dreams and the ones that medicine cats got at the Moonstone. "Well, tell me then," she meowed. "What was it of?"

"You were sleeping in front of a glowing white rock," Myler mewed. "Insane, right? But he's never been wrong. Sometimes they've been signs to tell cats what to do, so you need to find a glowing white rock and sleep by it."

Mapleshade's blood ran cold. "Why would I be there?" she spoke without realizing.

"Where? Is it a familiar-sounding place?"

"It's the Moonstone," Mapleshade replied. "You remember me telling you about it, right?"

Myler nodded. "So you need to go to the Moonstone. Simple, right?"

"But that place is for medicine cats and leaders only," she told him. "I can't just go and speak with StarClan!"

"Since you end up doing that anyway, might as well go now," Myler meowed, completely missing the seriousness of the situation. "Where is it? I'll go with you!"

"It's in Mothermouth, some distance from here," she replied. "And no! Even if _I_ decide to go, I can't bring an outsider. That would be anything but appropriate."

"Okay, I get it," he mewed, shrugging. "Go or don't, doesn't matter to me. Just remember what I said: he's never been wrong before." He gave her a little smile and ran off in the direction Crow went in.

That night, Mapleshade made a decision: she'd go to Mothermouth, but only because she felt as if she really did need guidance. She yearned to see her daughter again, and potentially anyone else who may or may not have been lost while she'd been gone. But afterward, she'd stay far away and never return to that sacred place. She already felt guilt itching her spine just by deciding to go.

She curled up in her nest, deciding to sleep earlier as to wake up earlier. As she began to fall into unconsciousness, she thought about Petalwhisker and finally seeing her again.

 **After I upload the next chapter, whenever it's ready, I'll be deleting every chapter of the original story. Frankly, I'm not proud of it and want to act as if it never happened. I myself will be saving copies of each chapter to look back on, and I don't care if any reader - for whatever reason - decides to do the same. Although I can't think of why any of you would want to, honestly.**

 **thanks for reading**


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